Im still thinking about all that shit aswell,
Ahh One of my coworkers I use to work with has never thought about suicide or anything close to that, and man with what they've been through it's hard to believe but, I belive them, I really do there in there early 60s and he has a wife who became crippled that he cared for when she couldn't Walk, and he helps out everyone in his neighborhood and will take care of a coworkers pets he barley even knows or had worked with, he'd bring me food to work when he'd notice I hadn't been eating or he'd force me at lunch to go with him so he could buy me food, even if I was persistent, he always knew when to "back off" or when to stay or just anything all the other workers view him as reliable and dependable and uplifting and motivational, and he's all those things, it's still hard to belive what he tells me is true but he's the only person I've ever met who's been certain with wanting to live, and believing in "happiness" all his partners in the past and even his wife now have all had major mental disorders/issues or physical issues, he's lived on the reserve for the majority of his life and even then wasn't accepted apparently he was what he assumed talked diffrent and wore diffrent cloths,
Not like I'll recite his life story but from what he's told me and from the five years of working with him before he became very ill and even then is still helping his neighbors and wife and kids and smiles, never once sexulized me or made crude comments about women, he was a very open minded person, still is, he's understanding and seemingly able to conversate with anyone, he's never raised his voice or cursed at me or really in generally unless he's telling a joke, donno what I'm even getting at, it's just that with hik being the only person I somwhat opened up to at work he understood but in a diffrent way, because well, again, he wants life, he believes in goodness.
I guess he's the first person to every verbally tell me that they want to live and that they love life and love living and experiencing it.