is anyone else’s mental health purely reactive?

[prone2fury]

generally speaking, i only experience suicidal ideation when times are tough or if i'm having a bad day. and when i'm well off, i can feel somewhat hopeful for the future, or at least the present. am i still effectively suicidal if i only dedicate thought to the idea during a sad period? and does anyone else experience this?

 

[dreamscape1111]

yes, that's how it tends to play out over here as well. in a sense we could say that "being suicidal" really only means experiencing suicidal thoughts, but thoughts come and go and are not what we essentially are. they float by and come visit every now and then like a thunderstorm, but the sky (awareness) is not affected by what happens in the sky (thoughts, feelings, etc).
and unlike the sky, we can even do things about what kind of weather we get to experience, by adjusting our lifestyle accordingly and by being open-minded to new things. happy weather witnessing!

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

[LittleJem]

There's a great Scottish brochure online sbout suicide which states 'suicidal thoughts are normal'. Personally, I used to get them the most pre-menstrually. Then maybe a case of waiting out plus chocolate. Then I had them constantly for over twenty yesrs all day every day. Right now, hardly at all for a week or two thsnks to LSD plus therapeutic friends. Plus St John's Wort. Currently homeless so this is quite something.

 

[ThomasJ]

yeah it's like that. If I have nothing bad going on in my life, I just feel normal.

If I have something really bad happen to me, as has happened before, it does poison all of my experiences though and even affects me when the thing itself has passed and when I should feel normal again. Takes a while to recover. But now, I'm feeling hopeful as well. Just hoping I can keep the streak going for a while.

 

[Unsure and Useless]

My suicidal thoughts are also the same. If life seems to be going well, I don't have any suicidal thoughts and just enjoy the moment.

However, usually those good moments are followed up with the inevitable, "This won't last forever. After this, you'll be miserable all over again" or "You know, you really said/done something you shouldn't have. Don't you feel ashamed? What if the worst happens because of you?" This then triggers that depressing thought process.

I think there's no such thing as being truly suicidal as some people will occasionally have thoughts of wanting to CTB. dreamscape1111 pretty much summed it up nicely.