Discussion Is anyone else worried that they’ll be unable to CTB?

[CrazyDiamond04]

I'm worried that I don't have the guts to CTB with what I've currently got. My biggest fear is becoming a vegetable or having to continue on as I currently am. I know what needs to be done but I'm unsure if I have what it takes to follow through with it.

 

[TorturedSoul999]

I don't want to be trapped here for decades… by all means I don't have a bad life… I just hate that I'll be living a lonely life.

 

[MeltingBrain]

I have the same fear. To make matters worse my physical health is deteriorating . One day I might be physically unable to do it . I am getting sandwiched from both sides.

 

[fwompie]

I'm worried that I don't have the guts to CTB with what I've currently got. My biggest fear is becoming a vegetable or having to continue on as I currently am. I know what needs to be done but I'm unsure if I have what it takes to follow through with it.

Yes, but my biggest fear is not becoming intellectually disabled, that would probably help with some of the stuff I'm struggling with. I mostly am afraid I won't have the guts to do it. I'll just keep going which is fine I guess,, but it is suffering. I've thought for ten years I'd die early by suicide and I don't have a solid plan for staying alive instead, that's the scary part.

 

[Nlis2244]

I too am scared. I can't even imagine being alive in 3 years, but 2 years ago I couldn't imagine being alive now. I really hope I manage to ctb, otherwise i will just get more and more miserable. My method is good and not too difficult, so I'm not worried about that. I'm worried I'll not find the courage to put it into motion.

 

[isthisit?]

Yeah, my ideal ctb date is tomorrow but I'm not ready. All the best and pain free methods are unreachable so I have to use a semi pain free method that takes guts and a bit of time.

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes as after all we exist in a world where we are cruelly denied a guaranteed way to free ourselves from this existence in peace, I know that if I had access to a method as peaceful as Nembutal I'd have no problem in freeing myself from this existence I was burdened with but that's not the reality, failing a ctb attempt is also what I would fear and is what sounds so horrific to me.

It terrifies me that this existence could potentially continue for decades if somehow I don't find a way to leave on my own terms, it disturbs me how this human life expectancy is so long with no limit as to how much one can suffer where all that's inevitable is decaying from age. Having the ability to exist here truly is such a terrible curse to me.

 

[jessisme]

My chosen method is SN. I was fortunate to get SN from CCS before they pulled it so that's not the hard part. The hard part is getting the prescription drugs for protocol and actually going through with it. All of the effects of SN poisoning seem so horrific and painful to me: the vomiting, the shortness of breath, the extreme abdominal pain, the racing heartbeat, the diarrhea, ALL AT ONCE. Who really knows how long after taking the SN until you pass out? Can you guarantee it? Especially when it takes four to eight hours to die? That's a pretty wide window for suffering. It just scares me.

 

[loverula]

I'm scared I wont be able to, it sounds good on paper but I know I'd back down like all the other times.

 

[tora]

I'm so scared too. I keep telling myself I'm going to kill myself next month, but I honestly don't know that I'll be able to go through with it. my chosen method is shotgun so all I'll have to do is pull the trigger, but I get so terrified just thinking about it. but the thought of continuing life in my situation is even scarier, so I'm going to have to just force myself to do it.

 

[CrazyDiamond04]

I'm so scared too. I keep telling myself I'm going to kill myself next month, but I honestly don't know that I'll be able to go through with it. my chosen method is shotgun so all I'll have to do is pull the trigger, but I get so terrified just thinking about it. but the thought of continuing life in my situation is even scarier, so I'm going to have to just force myself to do it.

The fear is hard to get over. Good thing you have a shotgun though, it's a way better method than a lot of stuff, less scary to commit to as well imo.

 

[Eudaimonic]

I am. I'm afraid of the many things that could go wrong like being found prematurely or failing in some other way. I am also worried that I won't be able to commit to it, but I think going with a painless method will drastically increase the odds. I plan to gradually weaken my SI.

 

[iLikeFrogs]

I faliled to ctb like 19 times already, I'm afraid I'm stuck here forever...