windingdown
Specialist
- Sep 10, 2018
- 367
There are lots of things that have gone wrong with my life over the past year and half (mental illness, career, living situation, body being uncomfortable all the time), but I feel like the single thing that is hardest for me to weather is boredom.
I am getting used to being on disability income, and thus being poor. I'm even getting onto the waiting list of low-income housing, so there's a prospect of having my own apartment again. I'm struggling with my body weight for the first time in my life - it's horrifically uncomfortable - but I think, 'perhaps I can fast a couple of days a week, or I can eat only liquids every other day, or find some other way to keep things in line'. I've lost a lot of my hair over the past year and a half (I am F), but find myself thinking perhaps it will get better as I keep taking biotin, and try this light therapy device...
Basically, adapting to crummier circumstances. I think, perhaps I can hang in there in this life - at least till, say, my 60s.
But something I cannot overcome, the thing that is the death knell for me, is boredom. I am so bored. I have been working a bit, freelancing, even doing the kind of work I was educated to do. I used to enjoy it. Now it's like pulling teeth for me. So working cannot save me from the boredom. And the days are just these long, empty hours. I dread waking up, wondering what I will fill them with. Things that feel dumb to me, inevitably. (There is almost nothing that feels worthwhile.)
How would I possibly fill the hours from now (early 30s) to 60s? I like the thought of being in my own house again, and I can be parsimonious. God knows my material desires have decreased since my 20s (I loved shopping), and I have everything I need. But how would I possibly fill all that time? (Nevermind the question of what the point would be. There's no point to life, in my view. I might just bide my time till perhaps legislation would allow older people to choose a peaceful assisted death, or a peaceful death became in some other way a possibility.)
Is anyone else just absolutely killed by how boring life feels? Just this endless stretch of empty hours, to be filled with nothing satisfying?
I am getting used to being on disability income, and thus being poor. I'm even getting onto the waiting list of low-income housing, so there's a prospect of having my own apartment again. I'm struggling with my body weight for the first time in my life - it's horrifically uncomfortable - but I think, 'perhaps I can fast a couple of days a week, or I can eat only liquids every other day, or find some other way to keep things in line'. I've lost a lot of my hair over the past year and a half (I am F), but find myself thinking perhaps it will get better as I keep taking biotin, and try this light therapy device...
Basically, adapting to crummier circumstances. I think, perhaps I can hang in there in this life - at least till, say, my 60s.
But something I cannot overcome, the thing that is the death knell for me, is boredom. I am so bored. I have been working a bit, freelancing, even doing the kind of work I was educated to do. I used to enjoy it. Now it's like pulling teeth for me. So working cannot save me from the boredom. And the days are just these long, empty hours. I dread waking up, wondering what I will fill them with. Things that feel dumb to me, inevitably. (There is almost nothing that feels worthwhile.)
How would I possibly fill the hours from now (early 30s) to 60s? I like the thought of being in my own house again, and I can be parsimonious. God knows my material desires have decreased since my 20s (I loved shopping), and I have everything I need. But how would I possibly fill all that time? (Nevermind the question of what the point would be. There's no point to life, in my view. I might just bide my time till perhaps legislation would allow older people to choose a peaceful assisted death, or a peaceful death became in some other way a possibility.)
Is anyone else just absolutely killed by how boring life feels? Just this endless stretch of empty hours, to be filled with nothing satisfying?
