Venting Is anyone else a caretaker for someone they’re dating or their parents and at their wits end rn? (Schizophrenia, dementia, level 3 autism, etc)

[bugfart]

Hi all. I'm currently in a dynamic where I am in a caretaker role for my partner. We have been dating for about a year now and he took a turn for the worst when he turned 22, he was already an addict but developed full blown schizophrenia to the point where he became an incredibly mean spirited demon spawn person at times and I cannot convince him to get on meds again. He has delusions that I am a federal agent, trying to steal his belongings and identification, that I am a demon, that I am cheating and threatened to cut himself whenever I see my friends, etc. I've tried everything. I told him the number and name of a non profit therapy center and he did legitimately see them for a while and I was happy. He stopped taking his meds and got back on drugs (not quite sure what, he has a track record of doing quite literally anything in front of him, including weed roaches left behind on the ground that turned out to be spice, or huffing keyboard duster of all things). He is downright abusive and often does not shower for days. He is unemployed but has amazing skills with fishing, hunting, trapping smaller animals, butchering, fixing things, foraging. He could easily get a trade job and I keep leading him to water but I can't make him drink in terms of getting a job or taking medicine or going to therapy and I endure alot. I've done alot of reading. I have tried all methods that I've read about such as affirming feelings but not delusions, an example would be "I know you're very scared right now and I would be too if I was getting stalked by federal agents, but I think you're safe and I don't see any cameras around here and I can talk to you about this". He immediately tells me to fuck off and tells me to stop being condescending. Speaking insults back to him doesn't work. Ignoring it doesn't work. Affirming it doesn't work. Even when we are fine it's matter of time until I am put in a dangerous situation. but I know if I left he wouldn't have much and would probably not be able to sustain himself.

My dad is in a situation that's insane, my step mothers mother for context was an alcoholic and destroyed her relationships with all her kids, had a kid who suffered from fetal alcohol syndrome, got a medical malpractice suit due to showing up blackout drunk every day as a trauma nurse and being sloppy with her job. My stepmom had to raise her siblings including her brother with FAS who was in and out of jail for armed robbery and helped him through trade school and he's doing well now. Her mother only reached out once she got the dementia diagnosis and they are doing end of life care now. She is incapable of speaking and the rare moments of lucidity cause her to grab entire tables or chairs and use them as a battering ram against windows and doors. I have my misgivings with my dad and this situation has pushed him and my stepmom into abusing sedative medications. I barely have a dad anymore for myself due to the overwhelming situation he is in with his fiances mother. He can't show up for me anymore and his time is consumed with this end of life care. I feel like both I, my dad, my stepmom, and other people around the world are struggling so hard with our schizophrenic or dementia affected or autistic loved ones but there's a huge stigma. Who can relate to struggling to find tips and feeling like you're drowning rn? I know I am. If anyone has a schizophrenic loved one, a loved one with dementia, a high level needs autistic loved one, or other people you care for, share what's worked for you and how you're doing and let's talk about how your experience has been lately

Pics attached are what I have to deal with every day from my partner even though I love him and I try to do my best and support him

 

[bugfart]

Is anyone else here schizophrenic and do you have any tips for dating someone schizophrenic?

 

[pomie]

dude just block this dumbass he literally doesnt care about you please do yourself the favor. Especially since this seems to be a discord only rlship. block and move on. hes probably just fucking with you. please forget this mf and go on with your life, youre losing sanity over some ragebaiter

 

[wishingonstars]

I went a read the post you made yesterday as well and between both posts I truly do not understand how you are with this person. I really hope he does not know your full name or what specific dorm you are in. You need to immediately block him on everything. I would also delete any social media you have he knows of and make new accounts. Find new meme pages to post on, do not post on or interact with any of the pages or chats he frequents. If you have friends you want to keep in contact with DM them with your new socials info but only if you are absolutely sure they aren't anyone he has recruited to spy on you.

Let your RA and campus police know that there is an abusive man who may try to come looking for you. Even if you don't think he will it is hard to predict what someone this messed up may do when he stops getting his way and having some record before he tries anything will help you so much legally if he does in the future. Also screenshot any and all threats he has made towards you as evidence as well before blocking him.

You CANNOT break up with him gently or in stages. There is no breaking up with this man in a typical way, he is dangerous and delusional and really really needs help. You can't provide that help. It is not your responsibility to try to help even if you could. If he can't maintain himself with you gone that is not your problem nor is it your fault. He needs to seek out a professional on his own terms, you cannot make him want help and he also will not want help while he is still getting what he wants which is to have power over people and abuse them.

After you have cut him off please seek out a therapist who you can talk to both about this relationship and your struggles with mental health and self harm. Try to get back on track with your schoolwork you sound smart and I have a feeling you will be able to do amazing things when you don't have this massive burden to try to carry.

Also an age difference of 18 or 19 compared to 22 may not seem that big but it is in a lot of cases. I dated someone at 18 who was also 22 and now that I am 22 I would never date an 18 year old. I am a completely different person than I was at 18. I think in some situations it can work and be a beautiful relationship but often not. The person I dated was honestly a wonderful partner at first, we dated for 2 years and even at the end I was very much in love with them. The situation was not abusive or a least I wouldn't consider it so, absolutely nothing like what you have mentioned but they had BPD that they had not done enough work on and it was effecting the way they treated me and showed up in the relationship in negative ways.

All that to say that a relationship doesn't have to be even 1/10th of how bad it sounds like yours is to not be worth it in the end. You are still very young (as am I) and have so much time to find someone who will cherish you and has already done a lot of work on their mental health and is self aware enough to be a good partner. You do not need to find a partner at this point in your life though either. Focus of school and your mental health, figure out who you are and what you want. Figure out how you want to show up for someone in a relationship too. Be a good friend. Friends you can make in college often become lifelong friends, find in person (not online) friends who treat you well and you treat well in return.

I'm sorry my message ended up being so long so thank you for listening if you have gotten this far, hearing even a little piece of your story tugged at my heart. So often on here there are people in impossible situations that have no solution. Yours does, it will be hard but it will also be so worth it. Please feel free to DM me if you would like and I am happy to offer support, though I will be unable to chat starting Sunday until near the end of November due to a treatment program I am going to.

Oh also editing to add, please to not be embarrassed! You have been manipulated and abused, that is not your fault in any way and abuse is so very hard to get out of, please don't be harsh on yourself, you deserve only empathy and kindness after all you have been through.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

The schizophrenia isn't causing the problem. He is an asshole with or without schizophrenia. You've been really sweet and empathetic to him, and he is taking advantage of that. Please don't fault yourself, but also leave asap!!