Venting Is anybody here disabled, chronically ill, terminally ill, neurodivergent etc.

[Aunty_Seuss]

Hello everybody, I've got MS (Multiple Sclerosis) and Schizoaffective disorder. I manage both of these conditions on a daily basis, sometimes well, sometimes poorly. I take so many pills in order to keep a baseline function, it's very difficult. Sometimes, I think about ending my life, because I don't wanna continue living with both of these disorders, I keep imagining my life if I wasn't ill. It's not fair, nothing will stop me from declining, it's only going downhill and the only choices are to live a shitty life or die by my own hand. No amount of therapy, talk groups, or fucking yoga classes are gonna relieve my paralysis and psychotic episodes. I'm also sick of being treated like an idiot, like I haven't already looked through options. This is it, this is all I have left, all I have to show for.


I think some people are afraid of realizing that sometimes CTB can really be the only option left. I hate phrases like "it's not too late!" or "things can get better!" Those people who say that clearly don't know how bad it can be, and how bad it will get. Sometimes, this is just how it is. I don't hate myself, I don't blame myself for how it turned out, it just sucks. God I fucking hate people. They just wanna keep you around without actually giving a shit about you, it's all just virtue signaling and hollow words.

 

[madameviolette]

Couldn't have phrased it better. Yes I'm disabled and in torture mentally and physically. This is why I want to ctb.

Your situation also seems difficult. Did you get diagnosed with MS prior to schizoaffective symptoms ? How did your diagnosis unfold ?

 

[kurgan]

I think some people are afraid of realizing that sometimes CTB can really be the only option left

I couldn't agree more

 

[Aunty_Seuss]

Couldn't have phrased it better. Yes I'm disabled and in torture mentally and physically. This is why I want to ctb.

Your situation also seems difficult. Did you get diagnosed with MS prior to schizoaffective symptoms ? How did your diagnosis unfold ?

I've been schizophrenic for a couple of years, I received my MS diagnosis a couple weeks ago, hence why I joined here recently. Being disabled really does open your eyes on how disabled people are treated differently, it's subtle, but very insidious and disheartening.

 

[madameviolette]

I've been schizophrenic for a couple of years, I received my MS diagnosis a couple weeks ago, hence why I joined here recently. Being disabled really does open your eyes on how disabled people are treated differently, it's subtle, but very insidious and disheartening.

Well that sucks I'm sorry. Are your lower limbs still functional ?

 

[nendn]

yes, disabled and chronically ill. pathetic lifestyle from early on with false priorities and drug abuse so I became stupid and degenerate. the arsenal of psychiatry has finished me off. nowadays i am unable to have healthy, honest and meaningful relationships. life is only a construction site without any tool. i do not take the necessary care of myself for a variety of reasons and i do not help or service others. i am annoyed and bothered by nearly anything and everyone and feel others perceive same when i am around.
Steel-hard self-confidently educated high-performance people compared to super soft and super fluffy without interests, hobbies in this disfigured body without muscles and small penis. unable to generate myself or a coveted female a meal and prepare it vividly and tastefully. far away from every time sequence I have to learn to go to the potty every time without unconsciously smearing the walls with faeces. Symbolically spoken

 

[Aunty_Seuss]

Well that sucks I'm sorry. Are your lower limbs still functional ?

I can still walk somewhat fine, I have lost some sensation in my right leg though. It was determined after I had a seizure a couple months back, I hope it doesn't get any worse than it already is

 

[U. A.]

See:

Chronic Illnesses and Physical Diseases Megathread

I have encountered multiple members here who, like myself, have chronic conditions and illnesses. I have met members here with a variety of physical diseases (chronic, terminal or otherwise). I thought it would be useful to have a specific thread for that and a space where people can talk about...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[madameviolette]

I can still walk somewhat fine, I have lost some sensation in my right leg though. It was determined after I had a seizure a couple months back, I hope it doesn't get any worse than it already is

That's good you got diagnosed in time and not gaslighted

 

[SanagiMezamete]

I have a chronic incurable condition that causes me constant physical pain. It's not so intense that it's unbearable in the moment but it's rare I ever feel physically comfortable. At the best it's very distracting and at the worst it makes me want to CTB so I don't have to put up with this shit any more. I wish I could feel like normal people do and not be in pain for literally no reason.

I don't think I've been diagnosed with an ND but I have a lot of sensory issues and trouble not being overwhelmed by life. So most likely.

 

[Kokonoe]

yes, im also disabled..it makes it very hard to want to live..
we have dissociative identity disorder/DID, autism, adhd, anxiety, depression, arfid(eating disorder), and on the physical side of things we suffer from chronic pain, chronic nasuea, chronic fatigue..
maybe nothing too serious on its own (outside of DID) but it all ends up to make our daily life just a matter of using up all our energy to just cope with our illnesses and get through the day and thats it..its just sad..
the DID alone is life ruining..if any one of these things makes me want to kill myself its that..
it is so horribly disruptive to my daily life. my therapist told me i will always be in a state of constant dissociation for the rest of my life, it won't ever end. DID also gives me severe memory issues that creates so many difficulties in my life..i have to write everything down all the time or i wont remember anything..i will forget basic things all the time..i even forget loved ones and family members and wont know who they are..
we also suffer from dissociation related hallucinations and its miserable..im horrified and paranoid every day because of it and there's nothing i can do but live with it..i rarely get any sleep anymore unless im not alone..
i cant work bc of it, so my life goes nowhere..i cant take care of myself and my loved ones have to take care of me often and that makes me so sad to be so reliant on others and to have to even admit its needed..
the DID even destroys all my connections with everyone..ive lost most people in my life bc they cant put up with it..it feels terrible..only my sister even cares enough to want to work with us and how to deal with it but she's barely even in our lives anymore and rarely around..
not to mention the existential fear that one day i might just fade away and never come back...or it might just take months to come back...and ill just lose so much of my life in an instant...it's horrifying..i want to die...

 

[urgent]

Hello everybody, I've got MS (Multiple Sclerosis) and Schizoaffective disorder. I manage both of these conditions on a daily basis, sometimes well, sometimes poorly. I take so many pills in order to keep a baseline function, it's very difficult. Sometimes, I think about ending my life, because I don't wanna continue living with both of these disorders, I keep imagining my life if I wasn't ill. It's not fair, nothing will stop me from declining, it's only going downhill and the only choices are to live a shitty life or die by my own hand. No amount of therapy, talk groups, or fucking yoga classes are gonna relieve my paralysis and psychotic episodes. I'm also sick of being treated like an idiot, like I haven't already looked through options. This is it, this is all I have left, all I have to show for.


I think some people are afraid of realizing that sometimes CTB can really be the only option left. I hate phrases like "it's not too late!" or "things can get better!" Those people who say that clearly don't know how bad it can be, and how bad it will get. Sometimes, this is just how it is. I don't hate myself, I don't blame myself for how it turned out, it just sucks. God I fucking hate people. They just wanna keep you around without actually giving a shit about you, it's all just virtue signaling and hollow words.

Hi I understand I'm in severe pain o can only get worse
I can't tolerate it
I'm in excruciating physical pain too I'm here because I have to find a definite way or cyb partner
Asap I'm in hell.

 

[urgent]

yes, im also disabled..it makes it very hard to want to live..
we have dissociative identity disorder/DID, autism, adhd, anxiety, depression, arfid(eating disorder), and on the physical side of things we suffer from chronic pain, chronic nasuea, chronic fatigue..
maybe nothing too serious on its own (outside of DID) but it all ends up to make our daily life just a matter of using up all our energy to just cope with our illnesses and get through the day and thats it..its just sad..
the DID alone is life ruining..if any one of these things makes me want to kill myself its that..
it is so horribly disruptive to my daily life. my therapist told me i will always be in a state of constant dissociation for the rest of my life, it won't ever end. DID also gives me severe memory issues that creates so many difficulties in my life..i have to write everything down all the time or i wont remember anything..i will forget basic things all the time..i even forget loved ones and family members and wont know who they are..
we also suffer from dissociation related hallucinations and its miserable..im horrified and paranoid every day because of it and there's nothing i can do but live with it..i rarely get any sleep anymore unless im not alone..
i cant work bc of it, so my life goes nowhere..i cant take care of myself and my loved ones have to take care of me often and that makes me so sad to be so reliant on others and to have to even admit its needed..
the DID even destroys all my connections with everyone..ive lost most people in my life bc they cant put up with it..it feels terrible..only my sister even cares enough to want to work with us and how to deal with it but she's barely even in our lives anymore and rarely around..
not to mention the existential fear that one day i might just fade away and never come back...or it might just take months to come back...and ill just lose so much of my life in an instant...it's horrifying..i want to die...

I'm sorry. I'm disabled and I'm excruciating pain 24/7
,,I have to find a way I want to get N but I'm not able to find it or SN fentanyl I can't jump I need out of pain asap because it gets worse and I can't bear it now

yes, im also disabled..it makes it very hard to want to live..
we have dissociative identity disorder/DID, autism, adhd, anxiety, depression, arfid(eating disorder), and on the physical side of things we suffer from chronic pain, chronic nasuea, chronic fatigue..
maybe nothing too serious on its own (outside of DID) but it all ends up to make our daily life just a matter of using up all our energy to just cope with our illnesses and get through the day and thats it..its just sad..
the DID alone is life ruining..if any one of these things makes me want to kill myself its that..
it is so horribly disruptive to my daily life. my therapist told me i will always be in a state of constant dissociation for the rest of my life, it won't ever end. DID also gives me severe memory issues that creates so many difficulties in my life..i have to write everything down all the time or i wont remember anything..i will forget basic things all the time..i even forget loved ones and family members and wont know who they are..
we also suffer from dissociation related hallucinations and its miserable..im horrified and paranoid every day because of it and there's nothing i can do but live with it..i rarely get any sleep anymore unless im not alone..
i cant work bc of it, so my life goes nowhere..i cant take care of myself and my loved ones have to take care of me often and that makes me so sad to be so reliant on others and to have to even admit its needed..
the DID even destroys all my connections with everyone..ive lost most people in my life bc they cant put up with it..it feels terrible..only my sister even cares enough to want to work with us and how to deal with it but she's barely even in our lives anymore and rarely around..
not to mention the existential fear that one day i might just fade away and never come back...or it might just take months to come back...and ill just lose so much of my life in an instant...it's horrifying..i want to die...

Hey I understand. I'm disabled and in excruciating pain 24/7 Can't get much sleep painful to eat drink I lay in bed and have painful pressure sores ,burning mouth and tongue syndrome, TMJ arthritis lupus fibromyalgia neuropathy herniated discs degenerative disc disease pernicious anemia Chronic fatigue chronic pain and more I need to find N SN fentanyl someone to help enough drugs asap

 

[dangerstars]

i have autism, ptsd, and bpd

i have something wrong with me i think... i have chronic pain and often get lightheaded and nearly faint but i don't really know exactly what's going on there

 

[LostAllHope666]

I completely relate. I told myself I could grin and bear everything with my mental and physical health if I just had my coping mechanisms and distractions, or my beloved fictional partners.

However, living in pain and exhaustion changed me as a person. When it got to the point I wanted to chainsaw my own legs off, and doctors being reluctant to give pain medication because of opioids crisis, I very quickly wanted MAID.

The kind of pain where all you can do is sit all day, doing nothing, and think of nothing but how much pain you're in. Where no position feels better.

I was given an anti seizure medication for the pain which sort of helps, but it has completely fried my brain and memory in the process. I will not age well because of that. The pain is still here, unbearable. I feel you.