Venting Irrational Will To Live.

[kane]

It seems to me that I would probably be better off dead. It's not that things are so excruciatingly awful right now. They're just uncomfortable, and sad, and lonely. But I see no real prospects for that to improve in future. The physical discomforts only get worse as I age. And I think I've made it effectively impossible to connect with anyone in a meaningful way. So things are bad, and unlikely to get better. And as long as you're alive, you face the risk of things getting really terrible. I could get hit by a car tomorrow, and spend the rest of my life paralyzed. Why risk it?

The problem is, a stubborn part of my mind refuses to accept the logic. It's still attached to delusions about life that should have died years ago. It will keep on insisting that there's hope, no matter how overwhelming the evidence to the contrary. I find myself unable to follow my own rational assessment of my prospects. It's bewildering.

 

[Sensei]

I'm in a similar situation. I don't think we necessarily are irrational, though. We invest pain in the hope of finding pleasure. The odds may be bad, but if we beat them we might get the opportunity to live something resembling a normal life. Of course, at some point the investment of pain will become unbearable, but I for one am not quite there yet.

 

[kane]

I'm in a similar situation. I don't think we necessarily are irrational, though. We invest pain in the hope of finding pleasure. The odds may be bad, but if we beat them we might get the opportunity to live something resembling a normal life. Of course, at some point the investment of pain will become unbearable, but I for one am not quite there yet.

I think in my case, it's a dumb investment. I can't see a worthwhile life for me. But that doesn't seem to make a difference. This blind delusional optimism keeps forcing me on.

 

[Sensei]

I think in my case, it's a dumb investment. I can't see a worthwhile life for me. But that doesn't seem to make a difference. This blind delusional optimism keeps forcing me on.

I feel you. My odds are piss poor, maybe 1:20. However, I'm not prepared to give up just yet, delusional or not.

 

[kane]

I feel you. My odds are piss poor, maybe 1:20. However, I'm not prepared to give up just yet, delusional or not.

I think if you can see a way to get there, it's not delusional to try. I can't even see a logical way it could work out for me. But the drive just carries on, disconnected from reality.

 

[WornOutLife]

I think some part of you wants to keep living on this goddamn world.
I was feeling like you, extremely confused but after thinking and overthinking I realized that just thinking is not enough so, there were two simple options:

1) Turn off my brain and CTB
2) Make a big and last effort to LIVE

I've chosen the second one and even though I have the same problems I used to have, I'm having some happy and productive days.

I dunno if I'll be able to live until I have an accident, terminal disease or be an old grey man but I guess I'll just give life one more shot...

Wish you the best and hope you can make a decision soon!

 

[262653]

The problem is, a stubborn part of my mind refuses to accept the logic. It's still attached to delusions about life that should have died years ago. It will keep on insisting that there's hope, no matter how overwhelming the evidence to the contrary. I find myself unable to follow my own rational assessment of my prospects. It's bewildering.

Can't reason with it. Can't ask the car to stop, or ask the bully to stop bullying me please. It's unreasonable. Push the right pedal, or break the engine. Or stick the hairpin into its ear.

I think that nature uses brute force method to pick the "correct" forms of live. It just makes everything it can. As another SS member astutely
said, whatever can be thrown at the wall, will be. It makes everything and pushes everything, regardless of individual aptitude. It's like the same school program for everyone where the weaklings drop out at some point and the stronglings... drop out after a checkpoint.

Put the hungry animal into a cage with no provision and will it stop experiencing hunger? No, quite the opposite. It will be exacerbated.
"Quench. The. Hunger. I don't care how you will do it, or if you're able to do it. But if the food won't be on my table by tomorrow noon, someone is going to feel suffer." This nature doesn't strike me at benevolent, or caring, or worth serving, or deserving to be worshiped.