ironically feeling better

[Nezumi04]

So, I luckily was able to get some SN without any problems... and it gave me a huge sense of relief. It's almost like all the pressures I've felt, I can just let go now. I don't plan to take it right away, but it's comforting to know that I have it when I'm ready to go. I think having the choice when I want to, knowing I'm not stuck living a pointless or unhappy life Forever .. it ironically helps me better able to live in the present and not have to take everything so seriously. At the moment, I'm less fearful of what awaits me in future, and it's calmed me down to just try to enjoy my life in the best way that I can as of right now. I do only have one life, so if I were to ctb, that's it, the end...... so, I have some things I want to take care of, have fun, etc. before I finally decide to. There's a small chance that I could recover and be happy again.. I'm not completely writing that off. But, I'm glad to have a plan in case things never turn around for me.

In a weird way, I'm thankful to SS for providing me that sense of peace... awhile back, I was really anxious and scared - feeling lost and looking desperately for a permanent way out of my depression.... I had even seriously thought about ending by firearms (since it wouldn't be that hard to buy where I am)... but that'd personally be such a scary and violent way for me to imagine going.... so, I'm really glad I found a different method I'd be more comfortable with. I'm sure a majority of my posts have been dramatically negative, because I felt like others could relate or be understanding... I could express how I was suffering internally in a way I had bottled up or couldn't tell anyone irl. Soo, I'm sorry, and thank you for reading.

 

[strawberry_lemons]

im really glad your feeling better! i wish you all the best and hope your happiness sticks

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Having a method ready is relieving! I'm glad you feel better now and I wish you all the best.

 

[AntHills]

I feel a lot more at ease now that I have my method, especially since I can basically CTB instantly. My circumstances aren't improving by any means, but I don't feel nearly as hopeless as I did before. It's ironic to say the least.

 

[dialogos]

I feel the same. I lost the sense of dread coming from not knowing how to die with minimal pain. I couldn't get N or fentanyl. Hanging, jumping etc repulsed me. Drowning is traumatic since it happened to me before and I didn't want my last thoughts in this world to be so negative. Inert gas setup was too expensive and technical asides from the fact most inert gases available to the public in my country have mixed 20% air as a precaution, rendering CTB ineffective. CO method a fire risk for neighbors
. SN easily available in my country gave me relief because I didn't have to be anxious anymore.
Paradoxically, having an easier way out lessened the pressure to CTB.
I had more time to Calmly face my problems one at a time.

 

[Tulip<3]

This makes a lot of sense to me, I'm glad you are feeling better than you were before! It's like you have that option there so you don't have to fixate on it so much anymore. This forum has definitely helped me a lot too not to be so impulsive with attempts, before I impulsively OD'd a few times but having reminders not to rush, this is a massive decision etc really helps.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand why you'd feel relieved to have the option of SN as those with access to a reliable method plan won't feel so trapped here anymore. But anyway best wishes.

 

[アホペンギン]

I'm glad you feel a sense of relief and peace now that you have the SN, having everything ready and in your possession must be so relieving. I wish you the best with your plans!