Venting Intrusive thoughts and grooming

[lainsitooo]

This is more a vent but I would like help.

Sometimes, very frequently I have this thoughts. I don't like them, they can go to harm someone which is more simple to sexual related or more violent things. Sometimes I think that this thoughts may come since I was exposed to adult material since I was a kid and I was groomed, I am not sure though.
I wish I didn't have them. I hate them and I rather die than having this thoughts again in my life.

I was groomed when I was 12 by a girl who asked me for pictures, which I obviously agreed to gave. I won't enter into more details, but it was a really gross experience, it wasn't only pictures.
I always talked about it like it was like an actual sexual abuse, because I just thought no one would take me seriously, I feel guilty about that.

Hope this doesn't triggers someone, I am sorry if this is gross for other people
everything is so nonsense

 

[alligatorsister]

ive been groomed too,, always was afraid about talking about it because online grooming didnt seem serious.

i have similar intrusive thoughts aswell and i believe it stems from that.. it makes me feel like a disgusting horrible person and i cant really control them. I can't offer much help but you arent gross for this, you can only control your actions not your thoughts.