If you're easily annoyed, please feel free to just click the back button and ignore this thread.
It's been a couple weeks, give or take, since I found this wonderful site and almost immediately made an account. I guess it's time I sort of introduce myself, and include a little of why I'm here.
There's nothing special about me really. I'm a middle age, fat and fairly unattractive woman. My two children are now grown, my daughter having married off while my son still lives with me. He's my youngest and has served as the only reason I still exist today. I love him so much that it literally hurts.
My mother died in July of this year. She raised my sister and me as a single mother. She worked two to three jobs to keep us housed and worked harder than any man I've ever known. The woman had numerous surgeries as we were growing up, most due to her pretty much pulling her insides apart with hernias. With very poor health, she quickly declined in her last years. The last two years were spent bed bound. A proud woman who was always extremely independent was reduced to a feeble shell who needed help using a bedpan. Everything she ever worked for was lost. It took over two years just to get her disability approved. During that time, she lost what little she had. I've never hurt so much in my life than when we lost her.
I can tell that I'm slowly becoming like she was at the beginning. My health is fading. I can no longer climb steps, get up from seats that aren't high off the ground. Can't even get off the toilet. I have severe incontinence, both types. My health limits the kind of work I can do.
I currently make a meager living as an uber driver. As some of you may know, this type of work has no job security. It's temporary. They deactivate drivers at the drop of a hat. All it takes is a pissed off passenger who's eager to lie. I put up to 300 miles nightly on my car. Right now, it's at over 153 thousand miles, thanks to rideshare. It isn't going to be much longer before it tears up. I can't afford to fix it, can't afford to buy another. I can't even afford to buy another tire to replace the one that has a slow leak! The car payment is two months behind as of this morning. I'm hoping they'll work with me. This isn't the first time, so they may not.
All it would take is for my son to move out for me to be homeless within a months time. And he should be able to have his own life! No child should have to worry about leaving a parent. I'm a burden on him, and it breaks my heart.
It's gotten to the point that I just can't anymore. I can't constantly worry if my car will still be in the driveway when I wake up for work. I can't worry about how I'm holding back my son. I can't worry about a daughter who abandoned the entire family and hasn't spoken to any of us since my mother died. It's all too much.
My SN will be here in a day or two, but now I'm scared to use it since reading about other's painful experiences. Actually, I'm getting to the point that I'm caring less about that sort of thing, just wanting it all to stop.
And how dare these holier than thou pro lifers tell any of us that we have to live.
It's been a couple weeks, give or take, since I found this wonderful site and almost immediately made an account. I guess it's time I sort of introduce myself, and include a little of why I'm here.
There's nothing special about me really. I'm a middle age, fat and fairly unattractive woman. My two children are now grown, my daughter having married off while my son still lives with me. He's my youngest and has served as the only reason I still exist today. I love him so much that it literally hurts.
My mother died in July of this year. She raised my sister and me as a single mother. She worked two to three jobs to keep us housed and worked harder than any man I've ever known. The woman had numerous surgeries as we were growing up, most due to her pretty much pulling her insides apart with hernias. With very poor health, she quickly declined in her last years. The last two years were spent bed bound. A proud woman who was always extremely independent was reduced to a feeble shell who needed help using a bedpan. Everything she ever worked for was lost. It took over two years just to get her disability approved. During that time, she lost what little she had. I've never hurt so much in my life than when we lost her.
I can tell that I'm slowly becoming like she was at the beginning. My health is fading. I can no longer climb steps, get up from seats that aren't high off the ground. Can't even get off the toilet. I have severe incontinence, both types. My health limits the kind of work I can do.
I currently make a meager living as an uber driver. As some of you may know, this type of work has no job security. It's temporary. They deactivate drivers at the drop of a hat. All it takes is a pissed off passenger who's eager to lie. I put up to 300 miles nightly on my car. Right now, it's at over 153 thousand miles, thanks to rideshare. It isn't going to be much longer before it tears up. I can't afford to fix it, can't afford to buy another. I can't even afford to buy another tire to replace the one that has a slow leak! The car payment is two months behind as of this morning. I'm hoping they'll work with me. This isn't the first time, so they may not.
All it would take is for my son to move out for me to be homeless within a months time. And he should be able to have his own life! No child should have to worry about leaving a parent. I'm a burden on him, and it breaks my heart.
It's gotten to the point that I just can't anymore. I can't constantly worry if my car will still be in the driveway when I wake up for work. I can't worry about how I'm holding back my son. I can't worry about a daughter who abandoned the entire family and hasn't spoken to any of us since my mother died. It's all too much.
My SN will be here in a day or two, but now I'm scared to use it since reading about other's painful experiences. Actually, I'm getting to the point that I'm caring less about that sort of thing, just wanting it all to stop.
And how dare these holier than thou pro lifers tell any of us that we have to live.
