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UnluckyYogi

UnluckyYogi

Member
Aug 2, 2024
15
Hello everyone,
I would like to introduce myself here.
Up until recently, I lived my life very happily, it wasn't perfect by any means, I had my ups and downs like most people, but it was very fullfilling nevertheless.
In January 2022, my life was basically over.
I got hospitalized in a psych ward after going missing from home, which resulted in my family calling the cops on me, and they took me to a mental institution.
It all started after I discovered kundalini awakening, and I did a certain practice that got it awakened, and if you search online "kundalini psychosis" or similar terms, you'll find information about it. It is very real.

Anyway, I did this practice 4 times in my life, which caused me to get hospitalized 3 times.
Why did I try kundalini again and again if it resulted in me getting hospitalized you asking? - Simply because I was very curious, it was a blissful state of being and I believed that I won't get hospitalized again.
I won't get into farther details about what I experienced and what I've seen during the kundalini state because some of you might find it hard to believe, and it's fine.

Like I said, I was hospitalized 3 times because of kundalini awakening, but also another time (Last hospitalization) for not being able to sleep at all for 6 nights in a row.

At my first hospitalization, they gave me some antipsychotics in the form of pills, first one was Abilify, which caused me a severe restlessness, and later on they switched me into Zyprexa, which didn't cause restlessness, but I gained so much weight because of it.
Later on, after being released from the mental hospital, I recovered pretty quickly from all side effects and it didn't affect me later on, I continued with my life normally.

I couldn't help but try kundalini awakening once again, and after 2 days on it, I went missing again and it caused me to become paranoid of almost everything, and guess what? my family called the cops on me again, which got me hospitalized for the second time in January 2022, and this is where I begin my story (Remember I said my life was over at January 2022? this is why).

During my second hospitalization, I received Risperdal pills, didn't really take them, but later on, a psychiatrist told me, that they put me on something called "community treatment order", which is where you must show up regularly, once a month at the hospital, to receive antipsychotics in form of injections.
He also said that, if I want to be released, I must accept taking 2 loading doses of a very harmful drug (Didn't know it was very harmful back then) called Xeplion.
I agreed, because I thought that it won't affect me that much. I was horribly wrong.

This is where my life went downhill ever since.
Unwillingly, I had to receive more injections every month, up until July 2022, where I received my last injection because the psychiatrist was kind enough to switch me into Amisulpride pills instead, which I didn't take obviously, I had to lie to him every appointment, over and over again that I'm taking my pills (He has absolutely no way to tell) and this is how I became med free.

Now let's talk about the side effects and brain damage I got from this awful drug (Xeplion).
I lost the ability to enjoy things, lost feelings of pleasure, my concentration got very bad to the point that when I watch YouTube videos, I lose focus within seconds and can't absorb any information properly, lost my sexual function and desire completely, I hardly produced any sperm, lost my appetite almost completely, I was very restless and it was painful sitting still, my sleep quality and duration declined drastically, I lost motivation and drive, couldn't listen to music, no inspiration or sensations from being in nature or listening to music, I had almost no thoughts in my head, no imagination, lost passion and patience for my hobbies and more issues.

After being medications free on July 2022, I slowly got better and I eventually recovered enough, to the point that my life was worth living again, but it still wasn't like before, and things like joy or desire never came back, even after 14 months without Xeplion.

I got hospitalized on August 2023 again after practicing kundalini once again, which caused me very similar things like last time. I went missing from home and they called the cops on me, but this time I was lucky, because out of stupidity, I asked to get back to the hospital for some reason, and because it was voluntary, they didn't force any injections on me, they just gave me Amisulpride pill once and I got released.

Last hospitalization, happened on September 2023, shortly after the previous one, because for some reason, I couldn't fall asleep for 6 nights in a row.
I got psychotic and started to hallucinate (First time in my life I started hallucinating).
I don't know, to this day, why I couldn't fall asleep all of a sudden.
On the first night that I couldn't fall asleep, I got a severe headache, like a sharp kind of pain in my brain, and I blame the injections for it.

Anyways, I was hospitalized again and this time, they forced injections on me again, this time it was a drug called Clopixol.
Horrible drug which caused me similar effects and damage like Xeplion.

I was on it since September 2023, all the way up to April 2024, and my psychiatrist agreed again to put me on the same Amisulpride pills instead.

And here I am today, free of injections and meds, but the damage remains and there's no chance of recovering fully from so many injections.
I will never be the same and it made me suicidal, not because of depression, I don't have depression, but because of the thoughts that I won't be my healthy self like before and everything is different.
It's not depressing, but frustrating.

This is a story that reflects how harmful and poisonous these drugs are.
I know a friend that committed suicide because of the injections she received.

Life isn't easy for me these days, living empty life without joy, desire, motivation and so many more things that are missing from it.
It's like eating a cold meal without condiments or spices in it instead of a warm, tasty meal. That's my analogy.

I wish no one to be on these harmful drugs, I have so much anger towards psychiatry, but there's nothing I can do to change things unfortunately.

Take care everyone.
 
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UnluckyYogi

UnluckyYogi

Member
Aug 2, 2024
15
Anyone here who can relate? or someone with a similar story or situation?
 
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Praestat_Mori

Mori praestat, quam haec pati!
May 21, 2023
10,194
Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you have to go through this. 🫂

Not that I know what kundalini awakening is exactly but it's sth to do with yoga and probably meditation and so on. There's certainly more what some people can experience with their minds but aside from what they did to you with psychotic drugs - that is not acceptable in any way - I think it's also about being able to control such experiences. I don't think you had a guide to learn about this "kundalini" stuff?
 
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Evelyn Lane

Evelyn Lane

Member
Aug 2, 2024
10
Kundalini awakening? I don't believe in that. What do people try to achieve doing that? And would you recommend it?
 
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Hotsackage

Paragon
Mar 11, 2019
930
Sounds like my experience, the after effects, but mine was to marijuana. Im interested in spiritual practices as well, some should be taken with caution. But anyway wherever you go from here, well wishes.
 
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UnluckyYogi

UnluckyYogi

Member
Aug 2, 2024
15
Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry you have to go through this. 🫂

Not that I know what kundalini awakening is exactly but it's sth to do with yoga and probably meditation and so on. There's certainly more what some people can experience with their minds but aside from what they did to you with psychotic drugs - that is not acceptable in any way - I think it's also about being able to control such experiences. I don't think you had a guide to learn about this "kundalini" stuff?
True.
I had no master to teach me how to control this experience.
I gained lots of experience with my different kundalini trials.
Magical things happen during that state, nothing to do with hallucinations. I saw incredible things with my own eyes :)
Kundalini awakening? I don't believe in that. What do people try to achieve doing that? And would you recommend it?
It's ok you don't believe in that, it's not for everyone, and I feel so ashamed that I became a victim of psychiatry because I wasn't ready.
 
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Praestat_Mori

Mori praestat, quam haec pati!
May 21, 2023
10,194
I feel so ashamed that I became a victim of psychiatry because I wasn't ready.
Don't feel ashamed for that! It's not your fault psychiatry destroyed your life - in your case, it would've been better to get the help of a spiritual healer. But that is sth the "western medicine" doesn't consider at all. Not that I'm against western medicine and all that but there should be a comprehensive treatment especially when it comes to MH.
 
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UnluckyYogi

UnluckyYogi

Member
Aug 2, 2024
15
Don't feel ashamed for that! It's not your fault psychiatry destroyed your life - in your case, it would've been better to get the help of a spiritual healer. But that is sth the "western medicine" doesn't consider at all. Not that I'm against western medicine and all that but there should be a comprehensive treatment especially when it comes to MH.
I totally agree.
The drugs they gave me aren't regular drugs they give for people with MH problems, like Escitalopram/Cipralex for example, they gave me a very strong antipsychotics that really messes you up. 😔
 
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mythofsisyphus

mythofsisyphus

Member
Jul 6, 2024
36
Hi, just wanted to reach out as I'm here for a very similar reason - damage from psychiatric meds (PSSD/protracted withdrawal). I completely understand how painful and heartbreaking it is to feel like you're essentially living without a soul, to have every shred of your humanity savagely stripped away from you. To know that no matter what you do or achieve, you won't be able to truly experience this. The only thing that's keeping me going is the fact that we don't know this will last forever - there are people who improve. But it's incredibly hard living each day in such a way, without knowing this for certain. It's like my life is collapsing around me and I'm watching it happen, but I'm powerless to do anything - I can't help but think what's the point in trying, when nothing will make a difference. But still, I wake up every day and face my new life.

Please know you're not alone, I'm sorry this has happened to you.
 
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UnluckyYogi

UnluckyYogi

Member
Aug 2, 2024
15
Hi, just wanted to reach out as I'm here for a very similar reason - damage from psychiatric meds (PSSD/protracted withdrawal). I completely understand how painful and heartbreaking it is to feel like you're essentially living without a soul, to have every shred of your humanity savagely stripped away from you. To know that no matter what you do or achieve, you won't be able to truly experience this. The only thing that's keeping me going is the fact that we don't know this will last forever - there are people who improve. But it's incredibly hard living each day in such a way, without knowing this for certain. It's like my life is collapsing around me and I'm watching it happen, but I'm powerless to do anything - I can't help but think what's the point in trying, when nothing will make a difference. But still, I wake up every day and face my new life.

Please know you're not alone, I'm sorry this has happened to you.
Thank you for reaching out and understanding my situation.
It's not easy indeed, it's hard to accept my new self and the fact that I will never be the same again.
Some side effects go away and you go back to almost like before, but some are probably permanent and, aka brain damage.
I don't think that my dopamine receptors will recover or get unblocked, they're probably dead long ago.
My joy and pleasure never came back after Xeplion, even after 14 months off and I couldn't see a chance of it coming back either, it's just not possible.
I'll have SN ready soon just in case I decide to CTB.
But I'm still here, fighting to survive this and hopefully get better at least like last year.
 
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CatLvr

Member
Aug 1, 2024
27
Anyone here who can relate? or someone with a similar story or situation?
My story is not similar but I understand how you feel. I am so sorry all that happened to you. I have a HUGE problem with mental health "care", but especially so when treatments are non-consenting. Whatever happened to my body, my choice?? (It's a rhetorical question y'all.)
 
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UnluckyYogi

UnluckyYogi

Member
Aug 2, 2024
15
My story is not similar but I understand how you feel. I am so sorry all that happened to you. I have a HUGE problem with mental health "care", but especially so when treatments are non-consenting. Whatever happened to my body, my choice?? (It's a rhetorical question y'all.)
Our body is our choice indeed.
They forced injected me with dangerous drugs claiming I'm a danger to myself, when in fact, they are a danger to society ffs.
I always knew psychiatry can mess you up and I should avoid drugs at all cost, but I never thought I would become their victim.
 
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Apathy79

Apathy79

Arcanist
Oct 13, 2019
480
Is the kundalini energy you're referring to that feeling starting in the bottom of the spine that at it's peak extends right up into the head and feels really blissful?

The first time I experienced that, I didn't know what it was. I had been in a deep meditation for around 10 hours. And I didn't want to leave that space once it started. I also didn't sleep for about 48 hours. But eventually it faded, and life called. The temptation then was to try to force it again. Because life can't match that feeling. It's better than any drug. But I was advised in the strongest terms against that. The downsides of reaching that state unearned are severe, and it sounds like you experienced some of them.

I did manage to return there one other time, again without intending it, many years later. But again couldn't hold it when I opened my eyes and moved around.

All I would say about it is it's not something to be forced, or even desired. If it comes in those circumstances, it will usually backfire and cause issues, both physically and psychologically. Both times I managed to experience it naturally, it came very slowly, as a result of a meditative practice done for different reasons. My hunch is it comes as a result of an unconditionally loving state, but that state needs to be sought for its own purpose. If the energy itself is the goal, the motive is actually selfish, which breaks the precondition and blocks it. So you receive it gratefully as a gift when it arises, but without expectation that it will.
 
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UnluckyYogi

UnluckyYogi

Member
Aug 2, 2024
15
Is the kundalini energy you're referring to that feeling starting in the bottom of the spine that at it's peak extends right up into the head and feels really blissful?

The first time I experienced that, I didn't know what it was. I had been in a deep meditation for around 10 hours. And I didn't want to leave that space once it started. I also didn't sleep for about 48 hours. But eventually it faded, and life called. The temptation then was to try to force it again. Because life can't match that feeling. It's better than any drug. But I was advised in the strongest terms against that. The downsides of reaching that state unearned are severe, and it sounds like you experienced some of them.

I did manage to return there one other time, again without intending it, many years later. But again couldn't hold it when I opened my eyes and moved around.

All I would say about it is it's not something to be forced, or even desired. If it comes in those circumstances, it will usually backfire and cause issues, both physically and psychologically. Both times I managed to experience it naturally, it came very slowly, as a result of a meditative practice done for different reasons. My hunch is it comes as a result of an unconditionally loving state, but that state needs to be sought for its own purpose. If the energy itself is the goal, the motive is actually selfish, which breaks the precondition and blocks it. So you receive it gratefully as a gift when it arises, but without expectation that it will.
I got my chakras activated and was able to raise my kundalini energy by practicing semen retention.
As far as I checked, it doesn't happen to most people who practice semen retention.
It got me psychotic and I experienced paranormal stuff on it, this is how you get closer to god btw.
It was a very transformative experience to say the least.
But there are two sides of the coin like they say. I experienced bliss beyond words and got exposed to paranormal things like I said that proved to me that god exists and many more things.
The down side is that it got me psychotic and ruined my life by receiving antipsychotics which destroyed my brain.
 
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GuessWhosBack

Member
Jul 15, 2024
26
I liked reading your story. First of all I will say that I am neither religious or spiritual, and generally am averse to such topics. I am agnostic and have been for the majority of life.

I'm not very familiar with things such as meditation, yoga and kundalini. But I do not think of it unreasonable that some people's brains can be particularly sensitive to certain practices.

What I'm saying is, you mentioned your life was normal and fulfilling before your first venture into kundalini. Maybe it could be harmful for you to venture further. Let us say your experiences were real and not your brain tricking you. Then you've already learnt of several important things. Is there anything else to gain from venturing further?
 
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UnluckyYogi

UnluckyYogi

Member
Aug 2, 2024
15
I liked reading your story. First of all I will say that I am neither religious or spiritual, and generally am averse to such topics. I am agnostic and have been for the majority of life.

I'm not very familiar with things such as meditation, yoga and kundalini. But I do not think of it unreasonable that some people's brains can be particularly sensitive to certain practices.

What I'm saying is, you mentioned your life was normal and fulfilling before your first venture into kundalini. Maybe it could be harmful for you to venture further. Let us say your experiences were real and not your brain tricking you. Then you've already learnt of several important things. Is there anything else to gain from venturing further?
These things are very real, I was an atheist before these experiences, it changed me.
I'm spiritual, I don't believe in any religion.

There is a thing to gain by venturing further, indeed.
Every experience revealed to me different things and the unknown is very appealing to me.
It's not for everyone, and most won't experience spiritual or esoteric things in their life. I was lucky to discover those things, but also unlucky (Hence my name haha) to get damaged by psychiatry.
 
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