Willowkin
Peace from pain by choice not chance
- Jul 23, 2019
- 36
Hello everyone, I'm Willowkin. My account was just approved and I wanted to just say hello first. I found this place looking for information on DNRs but wish I'd found it long ago to be there for others longer than I now can. I have most of my ctb plans in place including a time frame but I hope to help others here too ahead of that if I can. I've always believed it is a basic human right to consciously and after enough time to consider other options (not in a moment that might pass) our right to choose how, when, and why we die. (This next part is a bit of a vent) Especially when countries (like mine here in America) are sending people to kill others that are happy, healthy, productive people but we make our own people who are some if not all three of those are not. I'm a pacifist to begin with but it just makes my brain start going "no no no NO!" when I think of it. It's my personal opinion that the main reasons people are not permitted safe (so to speak) methods of self-euthanasia are religion and money - even people (including me) who can't work because of mental and physical disabilities and receive government aid we still produce taxes. (Vent over)
Also while obviously many people on here are not likely to feel light-hearted, I want to explain first if any of my OP have jokes please don't think I'm not extremely serious about this topic for me or anyone. For example I might have said "dead serious" instead as a bit of an attempt at humor. While I by no means think this is an easy or painless decision, I am just coming from a place of peace and even joy at having finally made the decision 100% and started doing things like deleting photos I wouldn't want found and gathering things that I'm hoping will make me feel most physically comfortable for ctb as I can.
I really wish I'd found this site a long time ago to help others more but I've set a time window to ctb myself and need to stick to it. However I do want to put out there my father did kill himself when I was 20 (I'm now 36) so if anyone wants to PM me to hear how I felt in hopes it might give you some idea about what your loved ones might feel (obviously I am not them nor know them) I am very open about it.
I also have "been in the (mental health) system" here in the US since I was 9, including inpatient mental health hospitals, intense daily outpatient group programs, and individual therapy (CBT & DBT) for adolescences and adults plus have been on most psychiatric meds. I've had 3 non-planned suicide attempts as well, my most recent ending up in my first forced inpatient stay and severe memory damage so I want help to make sure this works and do the same for you. If you have any questions on these topics I'm very open to talk about them with you as well. I still very much support organized mental health and still benefit from it greatly.
But for me I've hit a dead end with physical and mental health and after struggling just to get by for so long I don't see the point in continuing just existing and I'd be putting loved ones in pain both dead and alive. Once I made the decision to plan things and, as much as I can, put my affairs in order and say my goodbyes (even though they don't know that's what it is) I feel, perhaps oddly, more alive than I've felt in a very long time!
So I'm sorry for writing an entire novel instead of a quick introduction, but it's my style and it's the first time I can be completely open about suicide as a possible positive thing - stopping pain.
My best to you all,
Willowkin
Also while obviously many people on here are not likely to feel light-hearted, I want to explain first if any of my OP have jokes please don't think I'm not extremely serious about this topic for me or anyone. For example I might have said "dead serious" instead as a bit of an attempt at humor. While I by no means think this is an easy or painless decision, I am just coming from a place of peace and even joy at having finally made the decision 100% and started doing things like deleting photos I wouldn't want found and gathering things that I'm hoping will make me feel most physically comfortable for ctb as I can.
I really wish I'd found this site a long time ago to help others more but I've set a time window to ctb myself and need to stick to it. However I do want to put out there my father did kill himself when I was 20 (I'm now 36) so if anyone wants to PM me to hear how I felt in hopes it might give you some idea about what your loved ones might feel (obviously I am not them nor know them) I am very open about it.
I also have "been in the (mental health) system" here in the US since I was 9, including inpatient mental health hospitals, intense daily outpatient group programs, and individual therapy (CBT & DBT) for adolescences and adults plus have been on most psychiatric meds. I've had 3 non-planned suicide attempts as well, my most recent ending up in my first forced inpatient stay and severe memory damage so I want help to make sure this works and do the same for you. If you have any questions on these topics I'm very open to talk about them with you as well. I still very much support organized mental health and still benefit from it greatly.
But for me I've hit a dead end with physical and mental health and after struggling just to get by for so long I don't see the point in continuing just existing and I'd be putting loved ones in pain both dead and alive. Once I made the decision to plan things and, as much as I can, put my affairs in order and say my goodbyes (even though they don't know that's what it is) I feel, perhaps oddly, more alive than I've felt in a very long time!
So I'm sorry for writing an entire novel instead of a quick introduction, but it's my style and it's the first time I can be completely open about suicide as a possible positive thing - stopping pain.
My best to you all,
Willowkin
