intro, sorta

[sashimi_]

hey, i've been registered here for a few days now. i've mainly been looking around and trying to join in but i guess even here the feeling like "who cares what you say" is still present i guess mainly this post is for my pity party..

i can't decide whether i want to get better or not, obviously it's easier to sit around and do nothing, but it only contributes to feeling worse over time. i live with my parents but neither of them seem to notice that there's something wrong with me even though i have said it outright some days. i have to get a job so that i can contribute something meaningful but i have no idea how i can possibly work with chronic anxiety and autism, and dissociation. i just claim benefits as long as i seek work, i just can't seem to get across to people that i can't do basics like eat at regular times and shower.....etcetc

anyway i can easily just spiral about all my problems and i'm trying to be gentle for my first post.. the main reason i'm floating around here is that i feel mainly hopeless lately. just stuck in the same useless spiral of drinking and sleeping and hating myself. and staring at computer screens. i posted this in recovery because it only got so bad that i wasresearching suicide methods when i first signed up. i think i've rationalized a little bit since then. but still. it's not like i don't think about it all the time

thanks for reading anyway... seems like this place has a lot of interesting and relatable conversastions that i've never been able to find elsewhere. thanks for that

 

[UsagiDrop]

Welcome to the forum! I think it's funny, we seemed to have joined on the same day and we're in similar situations. Except I'm way too shy to ever post my own introduction, haha, I really feel like nobody would give a shit either. I spend my days drinking and sleeping and looking at screens too, so I automatically give a shit about whatever you have to say because we're in the same boat! I'm here to keep my options open and read the open and honest conversations here, I have a plan but no real need or desire to carry it out right now. I guess that I'm not sure if I want to hurt myself or get better, either. It's kind of just a "whatever happens first" kind of thing, right now. I don't have intentions on committing to any of those two things, or even the energy to want to commit to them.

I can't say that I want people to hurt themselves, I just can't demonize them for doing it and I understand that it's not my place to stop it most of the time, too. If you ever need someone, please remember that if nobody cares about what you have to say, I will be the one person that does. But I'm not so sure that's true, anyway. I think a lot of people here will hear you out. If you decide to get better, I wish you all the luck in that endeavor. Sometimes it seems impossible and for some people it will be harder than others, but I really believe anyone that wants to can get better.

 

[sashimi_]

Welcome to the forum! I think it's funny, we seemed to have joined on the same day and we're in similar situations. Except I'm way too shy to ever post my own introduction, haha, I really feel like nobody would give a shit either. I spend my days drinking and sleeping and looking at screens too, so I automatically give a shit about whatever you have to say because we're in the same boat! I'm here to keep my options open and read the open and honest conversations here, I have a plan but no real need or desire to carry it out right now.

thanks! huh that's weirdly comforting that someone else was thinking about similar things that day.. thanks a lot for your reply it's relieving to know that someone else lives like this... and sad at the same time >_>

I guess that I'm not sure if I want to hurt myself or get better, either. It's kind of just a "whatever happens first" kind of thing, right now. I don't have intentions on committing to any of those two things, or even the energy to want to commit to them.

god yeah i get that.. it's like i'm just doing literally whatever happens day to day, minimal effort no future thought, i guess its sorta hedonistic. it occasionally generates the odd couple of days where i can do stuff and life actually looks up but its not sustainable and the worse days outnumber the better ones. i do actually wish i could hold onto being functional but i have literally no clue how to and it is so difficult.

I can't say that I want people to hurt themselves, I just can't demonize them for doing it and I understand that it's not my place to stop it most of the time, too. If you ever need someone, please remember that if nobody cares about what you have to say, I will be the one person that does. But I'm not so sure that's true, anyway. I think a lot of people here will hear you out. If you decide to get better, I wish you all the luck in that endeavor. Sometimes it seems impossible and for some people it will be harder than others, but I really believe anyone that wants to can get better.

thanks again for giving a shit, feels like ages since someone saying that has felt genuine. and hey the same extends to you too. i feel like an ancient grandpa trying to navigate forums most of the time but i hope i see u around :) (hopefully on this side than the bleaker side of course..)

 

[storeboughtisfine]

You deserve to be better. You deserve to be cherished. You deserve these things. I hope it comes to you.

 

[UsagiDrop]

t's relieving to know that someone else lives like this... and sad at the same time >_>

Hahaha, it is a little sad. I hate to hear that people have similar lifestyles to me, especially with the drinking. But I'm willing to bet money that we're not the only ones, unfortunately. At least we can kind of understand each other, so there's a bright side.

i do actually wish i could hold onto being functional but i have literally no clue how to and it is so difficult.

It is difficult, but not impossible. I believe in both of us if we choose to be functional again, we just have to figure out how that can be done. Again, I wish you luck with it. I'm certain we will see each other around, provided I don't default to lurking, and I look forward to it. :~)

 

[sashimi_]

You deserve to be better. You deserve to be cherished. You deserve these things. I hope it comes to you.

thanks man.. and so do you. i hope we both get the compassion we deserve

 

[EmpathyMinded]

I'm sorry you are struggling. Been in that place more times than I can remember or want to. But you are wrong about one thing, about nobody caring what you have to say here either. I do. I'd wager I'm not the only one who cares, either. I understand that doesn't make things better suddenly. It's not some magical spell that can fix the pain. But it is a fact you aren't alone, however much your instinct may tell you otherwise. I can't guarantee I have the answers you need but I'm happy to listen and try the best I can. So feel free to share about anything you need to. If I'm ever slow at replying it's just sleep or work, not that I'm ignoring you, so don't read too much into it. I'll always be as quick as I can be.

 

[sashimi_]

I'm sorry you are struggling. Been in that place more times than I can remember or want to. But you are wrong about one thing, about nobody caring what you have to say here either. I do. I'd wager I'm not the only one who cares, either. I understand that doesn't make things better suddenly. It's not some magical spell that can fix the pain. But it is a fact you aren't alone, however much your instinct may tell you otherwise. I can't guarantee I have the answers you need but I'm happy to listen and try the best I can. So feel free to share about anything you need to. If I'm ever slow at replying it's just sleep or work, not that I'm ignoring you, so don't read too much into it. I'll always be as quick as I can be.

(the mobile version of this site sucks i can't even heart react )

still, thank you. even though it doesnt fix everything it still means a lot to be listened to. i appreciate everyone who does

 

[Saanyo143]

hey, i've been registered here for a few days now. i've mainly been looking around and trying to join in but i guess even here the feeling like "who cares what you say" is still present i guess mainly this post is for my pity party..

i can't decide whether i want to get better or not, obviously it's easier to sit around and do nothing, but it only contributes to feeling worse over time. i live with my parents but neither of them seem to notice that there's something wrong with me even though i have said it outright some days. i have to get a job so that i can contribute something meaningful but i have no idea how i can possibly work with chronic anxiety and autism, and dissociation. i just claim benefits as long as i seek work, i just can't seem to get across to people that i can't do basics like eat at regular times and shower.....etcetc

anyway i can easily just spiral about all my problems and i'm trying to be gentle for my first post.. the main reason i'm floating around here is that i feel mainly hopeless lately. just stuck in the same useless spiral of drinking and sleeping and hating myself. and staring at computer screens. i posted this in recovery because it only got so bad that i wasresearching suicide methods when i first signed up. i think i've rationalized a little bit since then. but still. it's not like i don't think about it all the time

thanks for reading anyway... seems like this place has a lot of interesting and relatable conversastions that i've never been able to find elsewhere. thanks for that

Seen this happened almost on every social media platform where most of the people say they are ready to listen and you can vent whenever you want but when you do speak people just don't respond to you. Nonetheless welcome here, I am a new user as well. And believe me everyone has went through not getting responded so it's alright.

I applaud you for coming down to recovery section and making a step atleast. You deserve people support and help. I'll be here, I'll listen to your problems, don't know if I can help but gonna hear your issues for sure.

 

[sashimi_]

Seen this happened almost on every social media platform where most of the people say they are ready to listen and you can vent whenever you want but when you do speak people just don't respond to you. Nonetheless welcome here, I am a new user as well. And believe me everyone has went through not getting responded so it's alright.

exactly. or the responses are very generic and thoughtless "itll get better" or "youre valid" uh huh ok... even though its hard to say much else. i at least feel like people here are in a similar position so, it means something. idk

I applaud you for coming down to recovery section and making a step atleast. You deserve people support and help. I'll be here, I'll listen to your problems, don't know if I can help but gonna hear your issues for sure.

thanks man. the same to you too

 

[EmpathyMinded]

Seen this happened almost on every social media platform where most of the people say they are ready to listen and you can vent whenever you want but when you do speak people just don't respond to you. Nonetheless welcome here, I am a new user as well. And believe me everyone has went through not getting responded so it's alright.

I applaud you for coming down to recovery section and making a step atleast. You deserve people support and help. I'll be here, I'll listen to your problems, don't know if I can help but gonna hear your issues for sure.

I wish I could say I disagree, but sadly you're right. I think a lot of people mean well maybe, but that also part of what is going into it is trying to reassure themselves they are good people by making the gesture. That self-interest can make people blind to the fact that making that gesture makes no difference in people's lives without follow-through. People don't stop struggling, don't stop fighting depression, just because you made the gesture. That's why the gesture has to be founded on caring, on wanting to see them succeed because you understand, NOT because of some benefit for yourself you get out of it to feel good about yourself. Their feelings are what matter and those exist not just in that moment you make a gesture, but across a whole span of time. I wish more people could see that.

 

[sashimi_]

part of what is going into it is trying to reassure themselves they are good people by making the gesture. That self-interest can make people blind to the fact that making that gesture makes no difference in people's lives without follow-through. People don't stop struggling, don't stop fighting depression, just because you made the gesture.

this is it exactly ^
once youve had your outburst or theyve offered their gesture they assume that its like, all over now. because u got it out and they did something mildly useful. especially if their offer was to talk.. i also sometimes just think some people don't realize how difficult they are to talk to XD but thats not always their fault just awkward

 

[EmpathyMinded]

this is it exactly ^

once youve had your outburst or theyve offered their gesture they assume that its like, all over now. because u got it out and they did something mildly useful. especially if their offer was to talk.. i also sometimes just think some people don't realize how difficult they are to talk to XD but thats not always their fault just awkward

Exactly. We are talking about feelings strong enough to make people want to CTB. There is a magnitude to the level of pain necessary to feel that way, so to imagine you are fixing that with the easiest thing you can do in the right direction is delusional, well-intended or not. These are serious issues people are talking about, and serious issues require serious follow through. If it was easy to fix, people feeling this way would have already fixed it themselves and wouldn't be having that discussion. You have to respect others' pain enough to humble yourself and realize good intentions will never make a difference; good actions, consistent actions, can. Hopefully, and if that is what they want. They will only get out of it what you are willing to out into it.