Venting Interrupted.

[holdont1llmay]

I was nearly through with hanging myself earlier. Before I started kicking my feet. What I was using held me fine. I have or well now had a sturdy tv stand that hung from my wall, I was on the pc working on a website and pacing after that because I don't even know If I truly want to die. (I know now, I've decided i just won't eat until my body fails and I end up unable to live. I am underweight as is. Won't take long.)

She woke up my brother, proceeded to take my belt away, my step stool, my tv and left me alone in my room. They both berated me, cussed me out, he blamed her for giving birth to me.

She yelled at me for being stupid, even though she told me to try again. She always tells me to try again after a failed attempt.

I am not loved by the only people who are supposed to love me. I just don't know why they don't I haven't attempted in a long time.

I wish god was real so he could kill me. I wish all the times my immediate family has tried to kill me worked, all the times ive been choked nearly to death by my mother, my brother, and my father maybe I deserve death. My throat hurts from being wrapped around the belt, and now it stings because I'm crying. I hope when I finally die, she goes through all this.

I want her to feel an ounce of misery I do on a daily basis, and by taking away her eldest son maybe she will. I am spiteful.

 

[LetMeBeSad]

I'm sorry you're going through this. I too was unloved and abused by the very people that were supposed to protect me. I feel your pain. It has lived on in me for my entire life. No matter how hard I try to see things differently, it just doesn't work. I don't know why people have children when they don't intend to at least love them.