Venting Interesting to note...

[W’ren]

Small backstory: i attempted to ctb by partial suspension last saturday afternoon. Long story short, friend became aware after i had failed and called the police who took me to hospital where i was kept on a form 1 until yesterday when i was discharged.

I find it interesting that after i attempted to ctb everyone was all "how are you", "please come to me to talk", "i'm here for you", and all of a sudden my sister in law writes me an email?! to tell me how important family is to her??
Um... i've been rejected from her and my brother's little family for over 10 years!!
And my boyfriend... when i told him i had attempted to ctb, this is what he texted back, and i will never forget it.... "LOL. I don't believe you." omg.

The police arrived and my bf lives accross the street and he did not come over to make sure i was ok. One cop went to get him to take care of my dog for the night.

So the next day he's breaking the news to my parents- crying and stuff.....

Am i supposed to believe that he's upset? Did he do a 180? I don't know what to think.

Other people on my street found out. They're all like, oh tell her she's thought of and loved... and i want to scream BULLSHIT!!

Am i wrong?

Where was this "concern" when i was alone before i attempted? For years? Where was the caring?

I can't wrap my brain around it- and i'm afraid to believe they care. I think, give it a week, they'll forget. They'll drop me like a hot potato and resume life as normal- it's what humans do. You can't trust this, you can't depend on this care.

So why do they tease and pretend? Or do they really think they care? Or do they genuinely care for now until *oh, shiny!* get distracted and gravitate away?

We are talking polar opposites. Like zero talking to me, not by text or anything- to learning through gossip that i attempted ctb and then suddenly it's oh i care. Then where were you for the past 6 months? A year?

It takes litterally an instant to check in on your buddies by text or messenger, even if you hate communicating. I have a friend where we just send each other a heart each day. "I'm here. I'm listening if you need me" And yes, while i was on the psych ward i still was able to send her that single heart. So what are all the other peoples' excuses... hypocrites.

Vent over. Thanks for reading

 

[WornOutLife]

Oh dear, you've been through a lot.
When I failed to ctb last year, the same happened to me. People who hadn't talked to me in ages were suddenly telling me things such "Oh Matt! I'm so glad you're okay. You can always count on me. Do you need me to come over" and I was like "Ummm...who were you?"

Your bf's attitude certainly sucks.

It's as if people were programmed to pretend they care about us we try to ctb.

Anyway, I hope we can both find peace someday but meanwhile, let's enjoy our stay.

Hugs and best of luck to you.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

Are you willing to share the specifics of the partial attempt and why it failed? Much appreciated

 

[justanotherstar]

Hey there Echo. In my experience people suck and just like you've experienced will pretend to care after but not when it's needed. Fuck them! I'm so sorry people have let you down, you deserve so much better!!

 

[W’ren]

Are you willing to share the specifics of the partial attempt and why it failed? Much appreciated

Hi all i can say as to why i failed in a technical perspective is that i believe i captured the wrong veins? If that's even possible? I was near passing out and my head felt like it was going to absolutely explode.

There was too much pain to continue.
I also couldn't breathe, but that was a desired effect. The pain of the pressure building in my head w

I couldn't feel my hands or feet properly so getting it off of me was a bit tough- and when i saw the marks i had a full on anxiety attack.

I was exhausted. Just beat- trying again didn't even criss my mind. I had THE worst headache ever. I felt sick. So i went and lay down.

Then i got worried about possible brain damage regarding my hands and feet feeling a bit numb, so i googled that.

It's worth googling. You can actually do damage from blood not getting to your brain, or from blood pressure building in your brain.
That's separate to oxygen starvation.

 

[Death_the_kid]

Well my friend you cant say it better, people suck but that dont make us different, for you and for op...how many times we dont argue with our parents and say we hate them, then one day they go to work and a bus or a car crush take their lives away and we cry and remember that the last thing we do/say to them was a mean thing?

I have so Many people leave me for my depression and my constant talk about death And my wish to kill me (my mistake to share those things whit them) the average people try to avoid those topics Like we avoid the posibility that our fathers or someone/something beloved never returns today.

At the end of the day we only have ourselves And the ones of our kind (at least here) to show empathy And understandment, to put you An example one hour ago my girlfriend say to me kill you if you want do whatever you want (i think in desperation because i dont stop talking about the topic) but I know that It was because she dont believe i can do It one day for real, the same must be with your boyfriend, the Best that she say to me was "if you aré suffering so much do It but send me a message from the other side to know that you are ok" ha!!! You AND me for sure want tears and a "dont do It i love you!!!" Kinda thing, we are not being hypocritical expecting that? when we are here trying to release ourselves from all attachments?.

Maybe you want to be loved and missed And protected, i do myself, but i realize that if i truly want to die i must kill first all those needs and chains that come with life.

I understand you perfectly And i wish for you the Best And that you can travel thru the Path that leads you to the aceptation of the void if that Is what you want, or can live an aprecciate all the love and good things that you have the way they are even if no are what And Like you want.

So much love for you and good luck in your travel in this journey that i share with you, you aré not Alone.

Sorry for my horrible english i do de the Best i can D: hihihi And im drunk.