Intense urges to selfharm

[Nymph]

Yesterday I fought with my mom and I felt a lot of emotions and had an urge to start cutting myself. Today morning, the school work was getting overwhelming so I thought I'd run to the bathroom and cut myself. Right now I'm laying in my bed and have an urge to cut the inside of my elbow. I don't know what to do. I have these strong urges, I have not yet followed them..I'm just too weak and miserable to even pick up the tool and then take care of the mess. Only thing I can do is move my thumbs and type something.. I've been so emotionally drained lately that i almost have no energy left in me. I feel like a rock laying on the ground doing nothing

 

[BPD Barbie]

Self harm urges are hard to overcome. I'm rarely able to control mine and just become robotic with it. I'm glad you haven't hurt yourself though, well done for that, it's a big thing. My psychiatrist told me to do things like ping rubber bands off my wrist, hold ice on places I want to cut etc, throw ice cold water over my face. They aren't as extreme as self harm, but may help. Also for the urges themselves, try and distract yourself with music, a movie, YouTube, video games etc. Here for you

 

[schopenh]

Sorry you are going through this. I hope you feel better soon!

 

[Acopia]

SH can creep up on you from nowhere and be very cunning.
I've tried various methods in the past.

There are safeguards like not keeping any tools around, or activities like making a cup of tea instead just to keep you occupied while the urges pass.

 

[schopenh]

What's your favorite Bioshock game? I played them all quite recently. So maybe Bioshock 1 about 5 years ago (which was still about a 6-7 years after it came out). Then I played 2 I think last summer and I only played Infinite this summer. I was doped on opioids as well so it was very enjoyable lol

 

[Nymph]

Self harm urges are hard to overcome. I'm rarely able to control mine and just become robotic with it. I'm glad you haven't hurt yourself though, well done for that, it's a big thing. My psychiatrist told me to do things like ping rubber bands off my wrist, hold ice on places I want to cut etc, throw ice cold water over my face. They aren't as extreme as self harm, but may help. Also for the urges themselves, try and distract yourself with music, a movie, YouTube, video games etc. Here for you ❤

The rubber band and ice thing never worked for me..I think part of the reason why I selfharm is that it does lasting damage like leave bruises or scars or a bloodied tissue. It's kinda like proof that I'm grieving. I don't know why I have the need to prove it tho

What's your favorite Bioshock game? I played them all quite recently. So maybe Bioshock 1 about 5 years ago (which was still about a 6-7 years after it came out). Then I played 2 I think last summer and I only played Infinite this summer. I was doped on opioids as well so it was very enjoyable lol

I played all of them during summer, so it's pretty recent for me too. I think infinite was probably my favorite because the other 2 gave me quite a lot of anxiety. And infinite has a much brighter atmosphere kinda.. and I just liked the vibe. But I love all of them honestly, I've been kind of obsessed since I played them

 

[Deleted member 19654]

I've tried the rubber band and ice thing too. Didn't work for me either. Right now I'm trying to stick to bruising myself rather than cutting. It's still self harm but the damage is less permanent than a scar, I guess. I get what you mean about feeling like you need to see evidence that you're hurting.

 

[Nymph]

I've tried the rubber band and ice thing too. Didn't work for me either. Right now I'm trying to stick to bruising myself rather than cutting. It's still self harm but the damage is less permanent than a scar, I guess. I get what you mean about feeling like you need to see evidence that you're hurting.

Yeah I've tried bruising recently instead of cutting but the way I bruise is that I hit against furniture and that makes a lot of noise. I still live with my parents and my mom has questioned the loud noises already so I had to stop

 

[Deleted member 19654]

I pinch myself rather than hit myself on furniture. It's definitely not that effective but in my mind, it's better than cutting.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I really feel this my self harm urges have been worse than in a long time I gave in and burned myself and cut my thighs. I just get so overwhelmed I feel like breaking things and having a rage fit so I just self harm instead. I hope something helps you self harm urges are hard to fight I understand.

 

[Nymph]

I really feel this my self harm urges have been worse than in a long time I gave in and burned myself and cut my thighs. I just get so overwhelmed I feel like breaking things and having a rage fit so I just self harm instead. I hope something helps you self harm urges are hard to fight I understand.

Yeah I feel the exact same urges

 

[schopenh]

The rubber band and ice thing never worked for me..I think part of the reason why I selfharm is that it does lasting damage like leave bruises or scars or a bloodied tissue. It's kinda like proof that I'm grieving. I don't know why I have the need to prove it tho

I played all of them during summer, so it's pretty recent for me too. I think infinite was probably my favorite because the other 2 gave me quite a lot of anxiety. And infinite has a much brighter atmosphere kinda.. and I just liked the vibe. But I love all of them honestly, I've been kind of obsessed since I played them

Was it the cramped atmosphere that gave you anxiety or the pacing or multiple things? (or would you rather not discuss that) Honestly the story of infinite blew me away. I could not believe just how well constructed it was. When the revelations came near the end my mind was blown. I watched about three analysis videos on YouTube immediately after finishing just to sort of put everything in perspective. Then I spent a few days reading random things on the Bioshock wiki lol I feel like infinite is the only one I could play again to be honest. As much as I enjoyed 1 and 2, infinite was something very special IMO

 

[Nymph]

Was it the cramped atmosphere that gave you anxiety or the pacing or multiple things? (or would you rather not discuss that) Honestly the story of infinite blew me away. I could not believe just how well constructed it was. When the revelations came near the end my mind was blown. I watched about three analysis videos on YouTube immediately after finishing just to sort of put everything in perspective. Then I spent a few days reading random things on the Bioshock wiki lol I feel like infinite is the only one I could play again to be honest. As much as I enjoyed 1 and 2, infinite was something very special IMO

I love horror games but I think it's better when I'm just watching them on a game play video rather than playing them myself because it's pretty stressful. One of the things that gave my chills was when I helped the little sisters and after a while the big sister would pop up and I'd have to fight her which was pretty hard, and the screeches she makes are sooo creepy. The other thing is that bioshock 1/2 are really dark and my eyes had to focus a lot to see stuff and I just kind of preferred the vibe of infinite, cause it looks so beautiful,bright and heavenly but it's actually really f ed up. That contrast is nice

 

[AJ95]

I hope this gets better for you

I know first hand how hard it is to deal with self destructive feelings :(

Sending hugs and love your way

 

[degeneratewaste]

on the contrary; you were actually extremely strong for not succumbing to the urges. when I get self harm urges, they are often obsessive to the point where, if I don't give in, the thoughts carry on getting worse and worse until I address the issue.

I am so sorry you are going through this, but you are very strong.

it's okay that you gave in to the urges. please just try and take care of the physical ailments and keep them clean. lots of hugs.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

what i used to do is take the handle of a knife and bang it against my arm. it doesn't make that much noise. i guess any heavy object would do, really.

like degeneratewaste said, please take care of your wounds. i'm hoping better days come soon for you.

 

[sadgirl9999]

i'm so so sorry you're going through this :( it might sound silly but maybe taking a red marker and drawing in places where you get the urge can help with the visual part. and ice is a safer alternative, like rubbing it across your skin. i cut myself for the first time in 8 years a few months ago and i ended up making one deeper than i thought and it made my hand go numb and the cut/scar itself is raised and still hurts (nerve damage i think). it's not worth it, i regret it a lot and i think it's important to remember the risks of it. that's what's stopped me from doing it again, obviously haha. it's not worth it i hope you find some moments of peace soon