ForgottenAgain
On the rollercoaster of sadness
- Oct 17, 2023
- 1,139
I dream every day, always intense or weird dreams. Spent tonight constantly waking up and having micro sleeps, micro dreams. The last dream me and my boyfriend were being chased by people, they wouldn't let us be together, they wouldn't leave us alone. My hair was becoming white, I was dying. Had to create a new dimension for us to be in peace but still people were coming, being loud and I couldn't focus. The walls were becoming transparent, the noise from outside was too much.
I went out today, did the god damn walk that the psychiatrist was so fascinated by that she believes cures all illnesses. So many people outside and yet my world is so empty. No way to make connections, no way to meet people. Small town, elderly people, same day every day.
Nothing brings me joy, existing through the daily grind of the most mundane activities. Feels like I can see the house getting dirty in real time and I exist solely to clean the dishes again and again, forever, in an infinite loop. Some days I wish I didn't have my boyfriend so my life would be utterly fucked and I could just get the courage and means to end it all.
Another day, more tears.
I went out today, did the god damn walk that the psychiatrist was so fascinated by that she believes cures all illnesses. So many people outside and yet my world is so empty. No way to make connections, no way to meet people. Small town, elderly people, same day every day.
Nothing brings me joy, existing through the daily grind of the most mundane activities. Feels like I can see the house getting dirty in real time and I exist solely to clean the dishes again and again, forever, in an infinite loop. Some days I wish I didn't have my boyfriend so my life would be utterly fucked and I could just get the courage and means to end it all.
Another day, more tears.
