Retched

Retched

I see the chaos in your eyes.
Oct 8, 2018
837
Well here it goes again. The few hours of sleep I get. Last time it pushed me over into psychosis and I broke down and got impulsive and ruined my life by a broken down bus that I was rescued from.

I haven't been able to sleep more than a few hours a night. Wonder if it will push me over the edge again. I'm not standing too far from the edge and I wish there was a literal edge but there are no good places here for a cliff or a bridge and the parking garages risk too much chance of survival.

I'm so tired. Tired of living. Tired of how hard it is to ctb. Tired of my living situation. Tired of not being able to sleep. This is slow torture. How am I going to make it through work in a few hours. I have no idea.
 
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F

Final Escape

I’ve been here too long
Jul 8, 2018
4,348
Lately I've been struggling with insomnia as well. Not fun at all. Pretty soon you start to go crazy and can't cope.
 
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T

TiredHorse

Enlightened
Nov 1, 2018
1,819
Ah damn, Retched. Insomnia is awful. I'm now getting 3-5 hours of sketchy sleep a night, which feels luxurious after the previous two months (or longer!), but that's nowhere near enough. The exhaustion is a constant weight. I'm so very sorry you're stuck in the same bog.

I worry now that I'm too damned tired to fight off the survival instinct and successfully ctb.

Slow torture, indeed.
 
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Retched

Retched

I see the chaos in your eyes.
Oct 8, 2018
837
Ah damn, Retched. Insomnia is awful. I'm now getting 3-5 hours of sketchy sleep a night, which feels luxurious after the previous two months (or longer!), but that's nowhere near enough. The exhaustion is a constant weight. I'm so very sorry you're stuck in the same bog.

I worry now that I'm too damned tired to fight off the survival instinct and successfully ctb.

Slow torture, indeed.
I can't fight much longer. As selfish as I feel, I'm not made for this life. I'm weary to the bones. Sorry you are too. :(
 
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Jenna

Jenna

Experienced
Nov 21, 2018
234
I'm right there with you which has hastened my decision. I was able to tolerate my medication taper until several nights of not sleeping got in the way. My heart goes out to you.
 
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Eren

Eren

Si hablas español mándame un MP
Oct 27, 2018
1,073
Insomnia is disgusting, I know what it feels like, some days I can not even sleep for 5 minutes, the next day I'm like a zombie and more irritable than usual.
 
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D

dog3000

Member
Jul 8, 2018
75
try this for insomnia, doctors sometimes prescribe:
  • seroquel 25-100mg, or
  • promethazine 25mg-50mg, or
  • clozapine 12.5-100mg
 
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Eren

Eren

Si hablas español mándame un MP
Oct 27, 2018
1,073
try this for insomnia, doctors sometimes prescribe:
  • seroquel 25-100mg, or
  • promethazine 25mg-50mg, or
  • clozapine 12.5-100mg

I dont like meds, I try dont take them.
 
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not-2-b-the-answer

not-2-b-the-answer

Archangel
Mar 23, 2018
9,198
Well here it goes again. The few hours of sleep I get. Last time it pushed me over into psychosis and I broke down and got impulsive and ruined my life by a broken down bus that I was rescued from.

I haven't been able to sleep more than a few hours a night. Wonder if it will push me over the edge again. I'm not standing too far from the edge and I wish there was a literal edge but there are no good places here for a cliff or a bridge and the parking garages risk too much chance of survival.

I'm so tired. Tired of living. Tired of how hard it is to ctb. Tired of my living situation. Tired of not being able to sleep. This is slow torture. How am I going to make it through work in a few hours. I have no idea.

I have that as well … I've been taking Meletonin. Sometimes it helps … I think it's better than before I started taking it but if I don't work I really sleep in. (When it works)
When I can't sleep and I work the next day on a few hours of sleep it's excruciatingly miserable. It's miserable even if I get a good nights sleep but so much worse when I don't. :(
 
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A

Afterman

take me somewhere nice
Nov 13, 2018
124
I'm with you man. At this point my body is completely immune to melatonin pills and only a relatively high dose of seroquel that knocks me out will suffice but you can become dependent and it's not wise to stay on an anti-psychotic for very long unless absolutely necessary.
 
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WhoStevik

WhoStevik

Member
Nov 23, 2018
75
I got severe insomnia too, I'm taking amitriptyline and promethazine a few years but my tolerance is very high and I'm physically dependent. Anticholinergics withdrawal is very disgusting!
 
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T

TiredHorse

Enlightened
Nov 1, 2018
1,819
Last night I tried a "cocktail" of 1.5 dose of sleep-inducing cannabis tincture + a vicodin + a swig of rum (and I generally don't drink). Probably small potatoes for many people here, but as rarely as I use any of those, it should have knocked me on my ass.

It didn't do anything.

Insomnia sucks.
 
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not-2-b-the-answer

not-2-b-the-answer

Archangel
Mar 23, 2018
9,198
I'm with you man. At this point my body is completely immune to melatonin pills and only a relatively high dose of seroquel that knocks me out will suffice but you can become dependent and it's not wise to stay on an anti-psychotic for very long unless absolutely necessary.

I hope that I don't become completely immune to Meletonin. :(
I really don't want to take any more meds. I don't need the side effects. :(
 
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