Insert title here

[BitterlyAlive]

Someone on here was worried about being an attention seeker and got a reply (paraphrased), "as long as you're supporting others and talking about more than your problems you're fine"

But I must be seeking attention. My emotions are consuming me and it's so hard to think of anything else. I really struggle to support other people because I'm so overwhelmed by my stupid pain. I've always been this way, and there's been recent discourse in the community. I don't want to cause any more by being so selfish. People deserve actual support on here.

At the same time, my brain has been telling me all week that I don't even belong here. I've just been trying to convince myself that I do because I'm so lonely. My friends can't support me, and people I grew to rely on irl don't want me around anymore either. My own parents just see me as an obligation and don't even want to talk to me.

I don't know what to do. I'm just completely dysphoric. I can't keep posting on here, I can't talk about it irl. It's just getting worse and worse and worse. And as it worsens, I have less to say on here anyway. I can't pull my own weight.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. If I knew this was how I was going to act, I never would have joined.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

You've always tripped about this kind of stuff, and you've always been fine. I'm sorry you trip like that, it's gotta suck.

Here's an honest reflection, and I wouldn't make the effort to offer it if it weren't true or I thought that you'd just slurp it up, shit it out, and absorb nothing of value in between...

You interact with others about their stuff or about topics that have nothing to do with you. You have opinions and bring them into conversations, you participate. When you post about a problem, you give reacts, you engage in the conversation you started about yourself, you don't just dump the problem and soak up the attention and give little to nothing in return such as feedback or appreciation. You show up on other threads and not just your own. You post about a variety of things. You make effort in your life, even if you don't succeed, you still try.

I hope your brain saw this and wasn't wearing any lenses that distort it.

I'm glad you spoke up about what was bothering you, I hope you get helpful feedback.

 

[WinterFaust]

I don't believe your pain is stupid. There is no weight for you to pull here and nothing for you to apologize for. Truly. Your feelings, your struggles, your hopes are all perfectly worthy of being here even if you aren't able to provide the support that someone claimed. Even supposed "attention seekers" need to be heard and cared for and I think it's both unfortunate and irresponsible for that person to phrase the reply a certain way.

It is okay to seek attention. It is okay to want to be heard. It is perfectly valid and even healthy to find an outlet for the things that are otherwise eating you alive. Please understand that a wide variety of people come to this forum meaning people have their own shit and some have a chip on their shoulder. I know it's easier said than done but please, if you can, don't internalize that. Don't take it personally. That person has their own issues as we all do. It is the nature of a place like this.

Honestly, you only have an obligation to yourself and your needs. I'd personally rather you make tons of posts than stew in your own misery.

For what it's worth, you have said plenty of supportive things to me and helped me to feel better. You've interacted with many people on various threads and have been an overwhelmingly positive presence despite your own suffering. You have no obligation to do these things but you do and it's so appreciated. Also your threads about yourself are very relatable and helpful. Your small victories thread encouraged others to talk about their own accomplishments.

I'm sorry your brain has you on this narrative today. I'm sorry you're hurting. But that narrative is simply untrue. I enjoy hearing your thoughts, feelings, and input and I do hope you continue to share.

 

[Giraffey]

Not to try and invalidate how you feel, but I would disagree with the idea that you're somehow attention-seeking, or to phrase it a better way - from the posts that you've read and the conversations we've had here I think you add a lot of value to the forum.

I posted a thread yesterday to vent some of my feelings of failure and you replied echoing a similar sentiment and talking about some of the issues you were facing in your own life. A cynic might try to call that attention-seeking, they might say you were posting about your own problems on somebody else's thread. But I found it valuable, it started a discussion about shared feelings, presented an opportunity for me to relate and feel less alone and perhaps most importantly of all, it helped me to articulate my emotions and the issues in my life by understanding yours and figuring out whether the advice I might give to you could be valuable to myself as well.

Were you being selfish? Absolutely not. Did you help me by talking about what you were going through? Absolutely, you did. If all you ever do here @BitterlyAlive is talk about your problems then I see nothing wrong with that - you're being neither selfish nor attention seeking, you're just expressing yourself to people who understand (which is why we're all here). In the process, people will relate and so there's a mutual benefit for both you and them.

So please keep on posting here, whenever you feel like you need to and please don't ever feel like you must censor yourself. I'll keep an eye out for your posts, not just because I think we had an engaging and interesting conversation last time but it's always nice to find common ground with someone - in some ways, I think it can make a dire situation feel that bit less dire to know you aren't the only one who has trodden barefoot across the path of shredded glass.

I've gone on again, as I always do... But I hope at least some of that makes sense.

 

[VIBRITANNIA]

being selfish isn't a bad thing. having emotions isn't a bad thing. you're allowed to vent, and we're here to listen. you're not taking up space - this space is meant for topics like these. your pain isn't stupid. your pain is real and it's okay to feel.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I went on a long drive. Still feel awful, but I'm all wore out now. Honestly surprised to read the comments. I was expecting to be flamed or something.

You've always tripped about this kind of stuff, and you've always been fine. I'm sorry you trip like that, it's gotta suck.

Here's an honest reflection, and I wouldn't make the effort to offer it if it weren't true or I thought that you'd just slurp it up, shit it out, and absorb nothing of value in between...

You interact with others about their stuff or about topics that have nothing to do with you. You have opinions and bring them into conversations, you participate. When you post about a problem, you give reacts, you engage in the conversation you started about yourself, you don't just dump the problem and soak up the attention and give little to nothing in return such as feedback or appreciation. You show up on other threads and not just your own. You post about a variety of things. You make effort in your life, even if you don't succeed, you still try.

I hope your brain saw this and wasn't wearing any lenses that distort it.

I'm glad you spoke up about what was bothering you, I hope you get helpful feedback.

It's so hard to accept anything people say that isn't mean or hurtful. I really hate my brain.

Thank you for your honesty. I appreciate you.

I don't believe your pain is stupid. There is no weight for you to pull here and nothing for you to apologize for. Truly. Your feelings, your struggles, your hopes are all perfectly worthy of being here even if you aren't able to provide the support that someone claimed. Even supposed "attention seekers" need to be heard and cared for and I think it's both unfortunate and irresponsible for that person to phrase the reply a certain way.

It is okay to seek attention. It is okay to want to be heard. It is perfectly valid and even healthy to find an outlet for the things that are otherwise eating you alive. Please understand that a wide variety of people come to this forum meaning people have their own shit and some have a chip on their shoulder. I know it's easier said than done but please, if you can, don't internalize that. Don't take it personally. That person has their own issues as we all do. It is the nature of a place like this.

Honestly, you only have an obligation to yourself and your needs. I'd personally rather you make tons of posts than stew in your own misery.

For what it's worth, you have said plenty of supportive things to me and helped me to feel better. You've interacted with many people on various threads and have been an overwhelmingly positive presence despite your own suffering. You have no obligation to do these things but you do and it's so appreciated. Also your threads about yourself are very relatable and helpful. Your small victories thread encouraged others to talk about their own accomplishments.

I'm sorry your brain has you on this narrative today. I'm sorry you're hurting. But that narrative is simply untrue. I enjoy hearing your thoughts, feelings, and input and I do hope you continue to share.

I guess I feel like I have to be better here because I can't pull my weight irl. And I'm old enough now I should be able to stop being swallowed by the anxiety and depression and just get on with life. It's ridiculous because I would never hold this view towards anyone else, because I know how horrible and debilitating mental illness can be, and how it fucks with perception.

I really don't think the person meant anything harmful by what they said. Maybe they feel the same way about themselves that I feel about myself, that they're selfish or were selfish in the past for reasons they started in the comment. I really can't hold it against them. Some things just twist that knife even more and I ruminate.

I'm glad I could support you, especially with your recent struggles. Life is so unfair and hard.

Not to try and invalidate how you feel, but I would disagree with the idea that you're somehow attention-seeking, or to phrase it a better way - from the posts that you've read and the conversations we've had here I think you add a lot of value to the forum.

I posted a thread yesterday to vent some of my feelings of failure and you replied echoing a similar sentiment and talking about some of the issues you were facing in your own life. A cynic might try to call that attention-seeking, they might say you were posting about your own problems on somebody else's thread. But I found it valuable, it started a discussion about shared feelings, presented an opportunity for me to relate and feel less alone and perhaps most importantly of all, it helped me to articulate my emotions and the issues in my life by understanding yours and figuring out whether the advice I might give to you could be valuable to myself as well.

Were you being selfish? Absolutely not. Did you help me by talking about what you were going through? Absolutely, you did. If all you ever do here @BitterlyAlive is talk about your problems then I see nothing wrong with that - you're being neither selfish nor attention seeking, you're just expressing yourself to people who understand (which is why we're all here). In the process, people will relate and so there's a mutual benefit for both you and them.

So please keep on posting here, whenever you feel like you need to and please don't ever feel like you must censor yourself. I'll keep an eye out for your posts, not just because I think we had an engaging and interesting conversation last time but it's always nice to find common ground with someone - in some ways, I think it can make a dire situation feel that bit less dire to know you aren't the only one who has trodden barefoot across the path of shredded glass.

I've gone on again, as I always do... But I hope at least some of that makes sense.

It's not invalidating, no worries, and it made sense. I guess I'm just used to being called selfish and people leaving. I don't feel good enough for anyone, not even people online who are "real" about things and understand. I just expect to get beat up and bullied here too. And I really do feel bad because I've always been bad at supporting people because I'm so caught up by my anxiety and depression. I'm old enough now that I really should have moved on.

It's great that we could help each other in your thread. I was so scared that you would think I was trying to one-up you or steal the spotlight. Reading that it helped is nice. Thank you.

being selfish isn't a bad thing. having emotions isn't a bad thing. you're allowed to vent, and we're here to listen. you're not taking up space - this space is meant for topics like these. your pain isn't stupid. your pain is real and it's okay to feel.

Thank you. Part of it probably relates to the "not feeling human" thing you shared a while back. I feel subhuman, like a rat or an alien. Like I really have no right to express myself. I know it goes back to past experiences but I can't reason myself out of it.

Anyway...thank you. I appreciate you.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

If you are suffering, then you are bound to be a little focused on you, but I've seen you communicate on other threads and relate to others, so i don't think you are abnormally self focused. We all kind of seek attention just by posting anything anyway, and there are times when we really need more attention and times when we are happy to let the focus move to someone else who needs it. You definitely have every right to express yourself however you wish and I certainly wouldn't be following you if I thought you were seeking undue attention.

 

[XYZ]

I have read many of your posts and I don't think you are attention seeking. You share with us openly your struggles, but you also contribute to other threads. That's what I also try to do.

Of course you talk a lot about yourself, because this is the nature of this forum. I don't think I've written many posts where I don't use the pronoun "I" half a dozen times

In all honesty I'd be more suspicious of members who never talk about themselves. You are fine

 

[Xocoyotziin]

"as long as you're supporting others and talking about more than your problems you're fine"

Nah, fuck that. You can talk about your problems as freely as you want and if people are bothered by your preconceived lack of reciprocity, which could come from any number of unanticipated places, and which other posters here have already clearly said isn't an issue with you anyway, that's their own problem.

This forum isn't supposed to be about judgment. It's a place where people can talk freely about things they ordinarily could not.

I don't know you so I can't address you as personally as others do but from what I do know you're fine. And if I didn't think you're fine? Well fuck me, doesn't matter. I don't know where your thoughts are coming from as well as you do.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

If you are suffering, then you are bound to be a little focused on you, but I've seen you communicate on other threads and relate to others, so i don't think you are abnormally self focused. We all kind of seek attention just by posting anything anyway, and there are times when we really need more attention and times when we are happy to let the focus move to someone else who needs it. You definitely have every right to express yourself however you wish and I certainly wouldn't be following you if I thought you were seeking undue attention.

Thank you. I was going a bit crazy and impulsively posted this thread. I feel a bit better now.

I have read many of your posts and I don't think you are attention seeking. You share with us openly your struggles, but you also contribute to other threads. That's what I also try to do.

Of course you talk a lot about yourself, because this is the nature of this forum. I don't think I've written many posts where I don't use the pronoun "I" half a dozen times

In all honesty I'd be more suspicious of members who never talk about themselves. You are fine

Yeah that's a good point at the end. I would wonder if they're (lmao) a mole or something. I'm so suspicious of people.

And thank you. This was admittedly a post I made while panicking yet again lmao. Sigh

Nah, fuck that. You can talk about your problems as freely as you want and if people are bothered by your preconceived lack of reciprocity, which could come from any number of unanticipated places, and which other posters here have already clearly said isn't an issue with you anyway, that's their own problem.

This forum isn't supposed to be about judgment. It's a place where people can talk freely about things they ordinarily could not.

I don't know you so I can't address you as personally as others do but from what I do know you're fine. And if I didn't think you're fine? Well fuck me, doesn't matter. I don't know where your thoughts are coming from as well as you do.

Yeah you're right. But I'm always one to immediately think that if I have a problem with someone, it's more my issue than theirs...unless it's a repeated issue or it affects more than just me, of course.

I just want to say that I really appreciate how you're always honest. When you were bold enough to call us all out on the complement thread, I didn't know you but I had/have a hell of a lot of respect for you for doing so. Keep it up mate.