Venting Insane how "easy" it would be

[TheGoodGuy]

Hi guys I am drunk now for the 5th time in two weeks, this is more than I drink in 2-3 years I guess it doesn´t matter when the end is near.

Sitting here with my Glock 17 beside me it´s insane how easy it would be just to put it up to my head and pull the trigger and still I can´t. Fuck the survival instinct!

 

[Ben]

Hi guys I am drunk now for the 5th time in two weeks, this is more than I drink in 2-3 years I guess it doesn´t matter when the end is near.

Sitting here with my Glock 17 beside me it´s insane how easy it would be just to put it up to my head and pull the trigger and still I can´t. Fuck the survival instinct!

Don't feel bad about the amount of alcohol you consume. I'm drunk 6/7 days of the week. If I had no addiction to anything, I wouldn't have backed myself into such a tight corner.

How experienced are you with guns? I'd like to think it would be so easy if I had a gun in my hand...but I could kill myself with a butter knife if we are talking pure logistics...so your hesitation to pull the trigger is no different then any of our hesitations. Your survival instinct doesn't care for your method, it will kick in before your death regardless

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Don't feel bad about the amount of alcohol you consume. I'm drunk 6/7 days of the week. If I had no addiction to anything, I wouldn't have backed myself into such a tight corner.

How experienced are you with guns? I'd like to think it would be so easy if I had a gun in my hand...but I could kill myself with a butter knife if we are talking pure logistics...so your hesitation to pull the trigger is no different then any of our hesitations. Your survival instinct doesn't care for your method, it will kick in before your death regardless

I´m actually quite talented it is the only thing I have had talent for in my life I have always been the best since I started with BB guns, pellet guns, and real guns I even won a fun night competition when I took my hunters permit a few years back where there were 26 in total age 16-50+ and I even told my parent´s before I went that I would win because I am cocky when it comes to guns so I am very experienced.

 

[DeathBecomesMe]

Yea I hear you..

Being drunk can progress from feeling great and not giving a fuck about anything, to being hyper emotional and the resurfacing of trauma/pain.

I try not to get too shitfaced lately, 4 litres of 5,5% beer is maximum for me in one sitting. Any more and I'm ready to PTT (pull the trigger) on my CZ 75. Such a beautiful weapon. Pity I don't have the guts to blow my stupid brains out.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Yea I hear you..

Being drunk can progress from feeling great and not giving a fuck about anything, to being hyper emotional and the resurfacing of trauma/pain.

I try not to get too shitfaced lately, 4 litres of 5,5% beer is maximum for me in one sitting. Any more and I'm ready to PTT (pull the trigger) on my CZ 75. Such a beautiful weapon. Pity I don't have the guts to blow my stupid brains out.

Great firearm is it the shadow model?

And I actually used to hate alcohol from I was 16 and smoked weed because I always loved nature and hated unnatural things like alcohol where weed is straight from the Earth but lately I have tried drinking.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Also do you live in America?

 

[lv-gras]

Great firearm is it the shadow model?

And I actually used to hate alcohol from I was 16 and smoked weed because I always loved nature and hated unnatural things like alcohol where weed is straight from the Earth but lately I have tried drinking.

sorry ry to derail from a serious post, but alcohol is pretty natural too, yeasts are a thing.

and offers sympathies

 

[DeathBecomesMe]

Great firearm is it the shadow model?

And I actually used to hate alcohol from I was 16 and smoked weed because I always loved nature and hated unnatural things like alcohol where weed is straight from the Earth but lately I have tried drinking.

No unfortunately not, its just the standard original CZ 75, in perfect condition. I live in South Africa. The crime rate here is high and getting a firearm licence is not easy, takes a ton of paperwork and about a year to process. My licence is for self-defence so it was more fitting to get the original CZ 75, purchased in 2013. I got the licence first time which isn't usually the case. I've always loved the Shadow and wanted to purchase the Shadow Orange version late last year and apply for a sports shooting licence(have to buy the weapon first and apply with serial number), but my life fell apart and I have no interest in material things or bettering my life anymore. The Shadow should drop in price as the Shadow 2 should be going mainstream right about now.

Nice! Your habits sound similar to mine. I only drank socially but smoked weed everyday since I was 17 or so. Now I've stopped smoking and drink about twice a week. Weeds definitely less harmful/more beneficial in the long run. But in this state of mind, with guilt and PTSD, weed just exacerbates my negative thoughts while alcohol numbs me and puts me to sleep.

 

[DeathBecomesMe]

sorry ry to derail from a serious post, but alcohol is pretty natural too, yeasts are a thing.

and offers sympathies

That is true, Iv-gras. But what can't be argued is that alcohol is pure poison, one bottle of vodka on an empty stomach can kill a man with no tolerance. While with weed there has never been a reported overdose. ;)

Also, I found this fascinating: Alcohol is one of the few drugs in the world that you can die of, from strictly withdrawal. Apparently benzo's too and I'd imagine opiates like heroine. But alcohol, well, the liquor store will sell me as much as I can buy.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

No unfortunately not, its just the standard original CZ 75, in perfect condition. I live in South Africa. The crime rate here is high and getting a firearm licence is not easy, takes a ton of paperwork and about a year to process. My licence is for self-defence so it was more fitting to get the original CZ 75, purchased in 2013. I got the licence first time which isn't usually the case. I've always loved the Shadow and wanted to purchase the Shadow Orange version late last year and apply for a sports shooting licence(have to buy the weapon first and apply with serial number), but my life fell apart and I have no interest in material things or bettering my life anymore. The Shadow should drop in price as the Shadow 2 should be going mainstream right about now.

Nice! Your habits sound similar to mine. I only drank socially but smoked weed everyday since I was 17 or so. Now I've stopped smoking and drink about twice a week. Weeds definitely less harmful/more beneficial in the long run. But in this state of mind, with guilt and PTSD, weed just exacerbates my negative thoughts while alcohol numbs me and puts me to sleep.

Yeah we do sound a bit similar. I smoked hash (cannabis) from I was 16-20 on and off and actually was almost 4 years smoke free untill 3 days before my 4 year anniversary which is the 9th September but since I was going to kms soon I figured why not just try it again for nostalgic reasons but I only got anxiety the 3 times I tried it so it isn´t for me anymore.

The Original CZ75 is actually a beauty as well frankly I like it more than the Shadow but again I love older weapons in general.
Interesting you live in South Africa I just assume when people have guns they live in America but then again I have a license for mine and I live in Denmark.

 

[DeathBecomesMe]

Yeah we do sound a bit similar. I smoked hash (cannabis) from I was 16-20 on and off and actually was almost 4 years smoke free untill 3 days before my 4 year anniversary which is the 9th September but since I was going to kms soon I figured why not just try it again for nostalgic reasons but I only got anxiety the 3 times I tried it so it isn´t for me anymore.

The Original CZ75 is actually a beauty as well frankly I like it more than the Shadow but again I love older weapons in general.
Interesting you live in South Africa I just assume when people have guns they live in America but then again I have a license for mine and I live in Denmark.

Sucks about the anxiety, weed is awesome but can cause too much introspection. It's great when life is good I guess, or for watching a movie like Hot Rod.

Yes that is very surprising to hear that you own a firearm and you live in Denmark. Probably one of the few! My batteries dying so I'm gna head out until tomorrow. We must be at a similar time zone too. And yes I also really like the original CZ, it's almost generic as the shape is the same as a Browning but it's made in Czech and it's bulletproof. CZ make such good weapons.

 

[DeathBecomesMe]

Yeah we do sound a bit similar. I smoked hash (cannabis) from I was 16-20 on and off and actually was almost 4 years smoke free untill 3 days before my 4 year anniversary which is the 9th September but since I was going to kms soon I figured why not just try it again for nostalgic reasons but I only got anxiety the 3 times I tried it so it isn´t for me anymore.

The Original CZ75 is actually a beauty as well frankly I like it more than the Shadow but again I love older weapons in general.
Interesting you live in South Africa I just assume when people have guns they live in America but then again I have a license for mine and I live in Denmark.

You're lucky you are in Denmark, my country is a shit hole.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Sucks about the anxiety, weed is awesome but can cause too much introspection. It's great when life is good I guess, or for watching a movie like Hot Rod.

Yes that is very surprising to hear that you own a firearm and you live in Denmark. Probably one of the few! My batteries dying so I'm gna head out until tomorrow. We must be at a similar time zone too. And yes I also really like the original CZ, it's almost generic as the shape is the same as a Browning but it's made in Czech and it's bulletproof. CZ make such good weapons.

The Browning Hi Power is actually one of my favorite handguns it´s so aesthetically pleasing to look at.

Yeah I guess it comes as a shock since Denmark has strict gun laws but you can get some firearms in this country legally.

 

[throwaway123]

You're lucky you are in Denmark, my country is a shit hole.

Every country is a shithole. If you live in ine long enough you'll see it. This life is bullshit. .

Hi guys I am drunk now for the 5th time in two weeks, this is more than I drink in 2-3 years I guess it doesn´t matter when the end is near.

Sitting here with my Glock 17 beside me it´s insane how easy it would be just to put it up to my head and pull the trigger and still I can´t. Fuck the survival instinct!

Don't feel bad about it. A lot of people can't do it. Maybe impulse would help. In my opinion the method doesn't matter that much. What matters is the determination

 

[medusa]

No unfortunately not, its just the standard original CZ 75, in perfect condition. I live in South Africa. The crime rate here is high and getting a firearm licence is not easy, takes a ton of paperwork and about a year to process. My licence is for self-defence so it was more fitting to get the original CZ 75, purchased in 2013. I got the licence first time which isn't usually the case. I've always loved the Shadow and wanted to purchase the Shadow Orange version late last year and apply for a sports shooting licence(have to buy the weapon first and apply with serial number), but my life fell apart and I have no interest in material things or bettering my life anymore. The Shadow should drop in price as the Shadow 2 should be going mainstream right about now.

Nice! Your habits sound similar to mine. I only drank socially but smoked weed everyday since I was 17 or so. Now I've stopped smoking and drink about twice a week. Weeds definitely less harmful/more beneficial in the long run. But in this state of mind, with guilt and PTSD, weed just exacerbates my negative thoughts while alcohol numbs me and puts me to sleep.

Not to sound stereotypical, but if you live in South Africa can't you just provoke some thugs to shoot you? I come from Europe and would really worry in SA about theft and criminals everyhwere. Can't you find a gang to finish you off if that is what you truly want.

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Every country is a shithole. If you live in ine long enough you'll see it. This life is bullshit. .



Don't feel bad about it. A lot of people can't do it. Maybe impulse would help. In my opinion the method doesn't matter that much. What matters is the determination

Impulse? Like in a way of just do it? I have thought about this a lot because we tend to overthink things so we should just do it without any thoughts.

 

[MEoDP]

Don't feel bad about the amount of alcohol you consume. I'm drunk 6/7 days of the week. If I had no addiction to anything, I wouldn't have backed myself into such a tight corner.

If you could trade your alcohol addiction to another kind of substance addiction,would you do it? like an addiction to marijuana instead?

My dad himself is addicted to alcohol. Its definitely something he can't go without,and while he does have personality issues,he's never been physically abusive and objectively speaking,he's what you'd call a "functional addict." (Someone who could maintain quality of life despite substance/drug addiction,but part of that is because alcohol is legal to begin with.)

I guess I should be thankful the alcohol bug never really bit me.

 

[DeathBecomesMe]

Not to sound stereotypical, but if you live in South Africa can't you just provoke some thugs to shoot you? I come from Europe and would really worry in SA about theft and criminals everyhwere. Can't you find a gang to finish you off if that is what you truly want.

Yes that is possible, more so up north but even where I'm from I could possibly pay a 'gang' or a lone ranger to kill me. But it would cost more or less the same price as procuring N from A, and not to mention that a rope from the hardware store would be the cheapest option by miles.

Fact is, a major aspect of attraction to death by suicide, is the fact that it is self-deliverance. Paying some low IQ piece of shit to kill me in a gruesome way is not dignifying at all. I will probably be able to smell him before I'm able to see him. Self-deliverance should be peaceful, and performed by yourself if your body will allow. I watched that auto-asphyxiation video, it really does look easy, I can't decide whether the rope or N is the better deal. But I would definitely rather shoot myself than let someone else shoot me, if I had to die by gunshot.

 

[Ben]

If you could trade your alcohol addiction to another kind of substance addiction,would you do it? like an addiction to marijuana instead?

My dad himself is addicted to alcohol. Its definitely something he can't go without,and while he does have personality issues,he's never been physically abusive and objectively speaking,he's what you'd call a "functional addict." (Someone who could maintain quality of life despite substance/drug addiction,but part of that is because alcohol is legal to begin with.)

I guess I should be thankful the alcohol bug never really bit me.

I'm addicted to marijuana as well, but it's never altered my mindset enough. Marijuana adds a +1 to things I find interesting, almost everything is more entertaining...but it's not enough. Alcohol adds a -5 to my pain and worries, so it's what I choose to indulge in most times. I do have to take a break once or twice a week, if I haven't been hydrating enough, which happens, it really fucks me up.

If I could trade me addiction to alcohol for another substance, I probably wouldn't. It's too simple to just stop in the liquor store and walk out with whatever I want. No unreliable dealers, doesn't cost a fortune, I can be drunk without raising alarms. I love being drunk and not caring, when I'm drunk, I'm actually not focused on death, I can distract myself.

I used to be a functioning addict, now I'm not even a functioning human