Method Innovative CTB methods (humor)

[GoodPersonEffed]

Lots of posts lately seeking innovative ways to ctb. Could also apply to those wanting ctb to look like an accident:

Spoiler: 25 Things More Likely to Kill You Than a Shark

25 shocking things more likely to kill you than a shark | Pure Oldies Ithaca

In honor of Shark Week, check out 25 things that are much more likely to kill you than a shark.

pureoldies941.com

Some of my faves highlighted in the spoiler article:



Stand under a coconut tree and hope

Jump in front of someone opening a bottle of Champagne (suicide by celebration)

Shake a bee hive or wasp's nest (SI fears? Get buzzed before you get buzzed.)

Visit a river populated by hippos

Use right-handed products with your left hand (perhaps easier if you're not already in your right mind)

Fight with a vending machine when it won't give up the goods

Go to sleep at the very edge of the mattress and hope you fall (the "On the Edge of Night-Night" method, popular with American soap opera fans of a certain age, who also probably actually had legal access to Seconal as a sleep aid)

 

[nitrogen]

Shit, @GoodPersonEffed you doing a humor thread? What's gotten into you? That's so priceless. Keep hating me however you want. Nobody can stop my love.

Well, here's an original creation of mine:
Make your dog fast for 8 hrs. Then put a bowl of dog food at the bottom of a flight of stairs. Set the dog off the leash after you block the stairs at the top. The dog pushes you, you tumble down the stairs and break your neck.

I think my new idea is more lethal than any of the ones you came up in the OP.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Shit, @GoodPersonEffed you doing a humor thread? What's gotten into you? That's so priceless. Keep hating me however you want. Nobody can stop my love.

Welcome, Ann Hedonia! I note that you're provocative as per usual. Since you do not live in my head, you are clearly unaware that I don't hate you. I am wary of you. And your kisses.

I am actually funny as fuck, but have not felt funny lately. Years ago, I briefly did stand up comedy, killed a handful of sets (I say this with no ego or hyperbole, I rocked that shit), and made a quick exit from the scene. That is one twisted environment full of profoundly weak and damaged egos, as well as some obligatorily predatory ones.

An amusing story (no predators):

The first time I did an open mic, it was an unusually crowded night with a lot of experienced comics trying out new material. I was the only female comic there.

In the green room, I sat on the sofa. A comic sat down next to me and chatted me up. He was shocked that I was more quick-witted than him. He was like a puppy who wanted me to think he was the best puppy ever and I should take him home to cuddle.

He got up, and was immediately followed by another comic who introduced himself and then said, "That guy you were just talking to? You don't wanna hang around with him," and listed his reasons why.

He chatted me up for a bit, got up, and was soon followed by another comic who introduced himself and then said, "That guy you were just talking to? You don't wanna hang around with him," and listed his reasons why. He chatted me up for a bit, got up,

and I escaped outside for a blissfully solitary smoke.

 

[nitrogen]

I am wary of you. And your kisses.

Oh, come on. I'm no virus. Just a potato peeler at times. @Quarky00 wink wink.

Ann Hedonia

Seriously? I gave so many cool nicknames (Funeral Stripper, Blind Medusa, Category 4, etc) for you to pick from, and you came up with this lame one? I'm clearly more interesting than just being anhedonic.

I am actually funny as fuck, but have not felt funny lately.

Oh yeah? Well, I'm glad I'm finally starting to realize you have a sense of humor after you made >1000 posts. Impressed by my passive-aggressive humor?

An amusing story:

Lol, sounds like they were fighting for your affection.

He was like a puppy who wanted me to think he was the best puppy ever and I should take him home to cuddle.

Not sure what this means. He hit on you and wanted to take advantage of you? When I get harrassed by predatory guys, I just look into their eyes and tell them they'd look better with skin off than clothes off. I was in a trauma surgery training program after all.

@Underscore Hey look! GoodPersonEffed is no longer ignoring me. Is it like the best thing that happened to me today or what?

 

[HadEnough1974]

Welcome, Ann Hedonia! I note that you're provocative as per usual. Since you do not live in my head, you are clearly unaware that I don't hate you. I am wary of you. And your kisses.

I am actually funny as fuck, but have not felt funny lately. Years ago, I briefly did stand up comedy, killed a handful of sets (I say this with no ego or hyperbole, I rocked that shit), and made a quick exit from the scene. That is one twisted environment full of profoundly weak and damaged egos, as well as some obligatorily predatory ones.

An amusing story:

The first time I did an open mic, it was an unusually crowded night with a lot of experienced comics trying out new material. I was the only female comic there.

In the green room, I sat on the sofa. A comic sat down next to me and chatted me up. He was shocked that I was more quick-witted than him. He was like a puppy who wanted me to think he was the best puppy ever and I should take him home to cuddle.

He got up, and was immediately followed by another comic who introduced himself and then said, "That guy you were just talking to? You don't wanna hang around with him," and listed the reasons why.

He chatted me up for a bit, got up, and was soon followed by another comic who introduced himself and then said, "That guy you were just talking to? You don't wanna hang around with him," and listed the reasons why. He chatted me up for a bit, got up,

and I escaped outside for a blissfully solitary smoke.

Omg @GoodPersonEffed you've done stand up!! We need to talk. I'll send you a pm.

 

[SuiSqueeze92]

Load up on Taco Bell to prepare for a massive shit that blows out your vital organs as well.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Load up on Taco Bell to prepare for a massive shit that blows out your vital organs as well.

From Urban Dictionary:

Taco Bell Prolapse
tah-koh bel proh-laps: (See also Montezuma's revenge), diarrhea suffered by Taco Bell customers, noted by horribly aromatic flatulence, gut churning abdominal pains, and hydrochloric-acid like rectal expulsion...like that of a busted fire hydrant.

 

[SuiSqueeze92]

From Urban Dictionary:

Taco Bell Prolapse
tah-koh bel proh-laps: (See also Montezuma's revenge), diarrhea suffered by Taco Bell customers, noted by horribly aromatic flatulence, gut churning abdominal pains, and hydrochloric-acid like rectal expulsion...like that of a busted fire hydrant.

Lol nice, I'm glad there is an "official" term at least... well prolapse, plus the gut buster

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Oh, come on. I'm no virus. Just a potato peeler at times. @Quarky00 wink wink.


Seriously? I gave so many cool nicknames (Funeral Stripper, Blind Medusa, Category 4, etc) for you to pick from, and you came up with this lame one? I'm clearly more interesting than just being anhedonic.


Oh yeah? Well, I'm glad I'm finally starting to realize you have a sense of humor after you made >1000 posts. Impressed by my passive-aggressive humor?


Lol, sounds like they were fighting for your affection.


Not sure what this means. He hit on you and wanted to take advantage of you? When I get harrassed by predatory guys, I just look into their eyes and tell them they'd look better with skin off than clothes off. I was in a trauma surgery training program after all.

@Underscore Hey look! GoodPersonEffed is no longer ignoring me. Is it like the best thing that happened to me today or what?
View attachment 29095

This post is exemplary of why I ignore you.

Wherever we exist in the same space, most often I approach it as a space for reciprocal dialogue and respectful debate, while you seem to view it as either a gladiator arena, or a blocked-in maze with you as the cat and someone else as a mouse who exists solely for your manipulation, amusement, and source of personal nourishment. In your world, you may define me as your opponent, your entertainment, or your prey, however, I do not exist in your realm, and I define myself.

I accept, respect, and like myself exactly as I am on this forum and irl.

I accept you as you are: intelligent, witty, insightful, and personally toxic to me, as well as autonomous and utterly outside of my control, as you should be.

And so I respectfully disengage because I do not like what you try to draw out of me, and go about my business prolifically and thoughtfully writing >1000 posts for my benefit and pleasure, not yours.

I respectfully ask that you cease derailing this utterly innocuous and otherwise pleasant thread. If you choose to continue derailing and baiting, I will ignore.

As always, I sincerely wish you well.

 

[Quarky00]

I'm no virus. Just a potato peeler at times. @Quarky00 wink wink.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Lots of posts lately seeking innovative ways to ctb. Could also apply to those wanting ctb to look like an accident:

Spoiler: 25 Things More Likely to Kill You Than a Shark

25 shocking things more likely to kill you than a shark | Pure Oldies Ithaca

In honor of Shark Week, check out 25 things that are much more likely to kill you than a shark.

pureoldies941.com

Some of my faves highlighted in the spoiler article:



Stand under a coconut tree and hope

Jump in front of someone opening a bottle of Champagne (suicide by celebration)

Shake a bee hive or wasp's nest (SI fears? Get buzzed before you get buzzed.)

Visit a river populated by hippos

Use right-handed products with your left hand (perhaps easier if you're not already in your right mind)

Fight with a vending machine when it won't give up the goods

Go to sleep at the very edge of the mattress and hope you fall (the "On the Edge of Night-Night" method, popular with American soap opera fans of a certain age, who also probably actually had legal access to Seconal as a sleep aid)

We've had a few problems with flooding here in the UK.

 

[nitrogen]

I accept you as you are: intelligent, witty, insightful, and personally toxic to me

I do participate in reciprocal dialogue and respectful debates at times and that's how you recognize me being intelligent and insightful.

The personally toxic part.....hmm......what's the worst that could happen if you engage me. You fall in love with me and then I break your heart?

a blocked-in maze with you as the cat and someone else as a mouse

Cat vs cat in the open is just as fun.

your manipulation, amusement, and source of personal nourishment

You see manipulation everywhere because it is everywhere. It's necessary for any society, even animals to function. In this way, it is neither good or bad, but necessary. Even being nice is a form of subtle manipulation. Conflict resolution is all about manipulation. But each individual puts their own slant on it based on their good or bad experiences.

You're always welcome to comment on any of my threads. You can selectively ignore me as you wish, but to ignore me for the sake of ignoring me is silly. I no longer treat you as an opponent.

To not derail this thread, here's another CTB method idea: go break up a giraffe fight.

 

[TAW122]

In regards to the methods listed, it seems like they (in theory) may make CTB look more natural, accidental, the reliability of them is questionable. The odds of success resulting from them is very slim to none and likely to result in serious injuries or just annoyance. Interesting article though.

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

In regards to the methods listed, it seems like they (in theory) may make CTB look more natural, accidental, the reliability of them is questionable. The odds of success resulting from them is very slim to none and likely to result in serious injuries or just annoyance. Interesting article though.

Hence the "(humor)" qualifier. ;)

Although hanging out under a coconut tree could be a pleasant place to plan a more realistic method, and then if a coconut happens to fall in just the right spot....

 

[Epsilon0]

I particularly enjoyed number #25 Beds.



Could my family sue IKEA after I fall from my IKEA bed and die?!

Did you paint this?

 

[Quarky00]

Did you paint this?

No . Google "stupid potato" . Read the resource page . Oh sorry , that comes automatically nowadays ..

 

[enjolras]

Death by coconut - Wikipedia

en.wikipedia.org

SS debates should happen groupped under a single killer tree, not online, getting rid of the goodbye threads for random destiny. What a gift of theories to study for ethnographers into the future. Give work to the next generations !