Story Indecisiveness (my first post)

[DeathPaloma]

I have been unhappy since I was a kid, and things just got worse and worse, I don't think anyone cares about the details. I have been suicidal since I was 13 year old. I am 25 now. And I can't do it, I have tried 5 times, first time when I was 18, then 20, then 23, then twice at 25. I always get too scared. I have never been an impulsive person so I don't know how to do it. I know deep down O just wish I could be happy, but I can't... so death is the next best option. And no matter how rational I am about it, I kust can't go all the way. I get to tge ledge or I am half way through cutting my wrist and I will get to scared to move. I feel stuck in limbo, where I am too scared or too weak to die and too scared/ to weak to live. IDK what to do anymore, I hated therapy, I don't have anyone in life, or any porpose, or objective or anything I belive in. I hate this stupid indecisiveness.