Venting indecision

[emma]

i just cant commit to anything. i cant commit to trying to get better and improve my life, i cant commit to ending it all even though that is how my life will inevitably end. the constants in my life are misery, stupid choices, and more misery. i hate myself, and i hate my life.

 

[MichaelNomad123]

You don't have to commit. What helps for me is to water down my existence to just one simple thing: movement. For me, the enemy is standing still. That's where my demons creep in. So instead of worrying about my life, career or lack thereof, my relationships or lack thereof, achievements, whatever -- I just focus on progressing forward in some small way. It can be as mundane as going for a walk or signing up for some college course. Just something. Perhaps that is something that might help you move in one direction or the other.

 

[StuFin]

I concur. To both of you.

 

[Womps]

I just wish i could commit to making music again, it was the one thing that made me feel something. lately ive just been too depressed to even begin working on a song. I think well find the magic again one day i dont know what it takes but i think its still out there.

 

[WornOutLife]

You don't have to commit. What helps for me is to water down my existence to just one simple thing: movement. For me, the enemy is standing still. That's where my demons creep in. So instead of worrying about my life, career or lack thereof, my relationships or lack thereof, achievements, whatever -- I just focus on progressing forward in some small way. It can be as mundane as going for a walk or signing up for some college course. Just something. Perhaps that is something that might help you move in one direction or the other.

That's some really good advice!
I'm really depressed but movement, not matter how small/big or short/long, it's progress at least.
For instance, my life sucks now but I'm really commited to learning japanese and I'm improving slowly but surely little by litle and that changes my mood in a positive way.
I hope better stuff to come for you and all of us. Hugs!

 

[emma]

You don't have to commit. What helps for me is to water down my existence to just one simple thing: movement. For me, the enemy is standing still. That's where my demons creep in. So instead of worrying about my life, career or lack thereof, my relationships or lack thereof, achievements, whatever -- I just focus on progressing forward in some small way. It can be as mundane as going for a walk or signing up for some college course. Just something. Perhaps that is something that might help you move in one direction or the other.

That's some really good advice!
I'm really depressed but movement, not matter how small/big or short/long, it's progress at least.
For instance, my life sucks now but I'm really commited to learning japanese and I'm improving slowly but surely little by litle and that changes my mood in a positive way.
I hope better stuff to come for you and all of us. Hugs!

i guess one of the shitty things is that even if i make a little progress, there's more things i have to do (im in school). and people around me are pressuring me to do more and more.
and the other form of progress im being pressured to make is the one i dont want to make (eating disorder recovery)

 

[Desky]

i just cant commit to anything. i cant commit to trying to get better and improve my life, i cant commit to ending it all even though that is how my life will inevitably end. the constants in my life are misery, stupid choices, and more misery. i hate myself, and i hate my life.

Although we often write these things off as being just psychological.. sometimes it can come down to making sure health, brain chemistry, relationships ... are first going in the right direction before anything else can really be addressed. Start with the foundational things and don't believe your mind telling you that you need to be at x place in life because of y and z reasons. Part of the instinct that will help you focus on the bad things are not geared for a modern world. From what you are posting it seems like your body is stuck in a freeze state between fight and flight (just a guess). This is not your fault and there are things that will help you get out of that pattern.

For me, it helped to start following through with the small chores.. calling a friend even when it's the most annoying thing to hear someone's voice.. meditating for an hour and enforcing the discipline of not moving my body out of that chair until the meditation timer rings.. Getting a complete blood/metabolic panel from the doc to make sure I have some of the basic levels and nutrition working in my favor.. Illuminate allergies by identifying triggers.. Increase fiber intake from plant foods/veggies/fruit (this fixed my gut issues and helped to boost my mood) 40-100gs per day (average American gets only 8g)..

Some people get to their 60s before they find their life's purpose. It's not always easy and things can feel like being stuck in a pressure cooker.

 

[Ghost2211]

Taking things one day at a time means you don't have to commit to either path. I like this approach better since there is no stress or obligation.

 

[StateOfMind]

It is well known and documented that prisoners of solitary confinement begin to smear their feces on the walls of their cell out of extreme boredom simply because it is far more interesting than nothingness.
Before you resort to that (if you can) make list of everything that annoys you and want to change.
Start with really simple things like making your bed and work your way up the list.
You would be surprised how easy it is to gain a glimpse of accomplishment and confidence.
Good luck!