Venting incoherent rant cw eating disordr

[underthedatetree]

puked twice today. I used to have it bad as a teen but tried not to do it as much anymore. I think it caused the hiatal hernia I have. It's almost like a second stomach closer to my throat and it makes it so easy to vomit, its like second nature. I should puke every day at every meal now. maybe I can lose the weight I gained trying and failing at normal dieting. But I can't waste the food my parents made it for me. I hate this disgusting fucking body Im trapped in every night I have to feel my legs torso arm againts the blanket I want to scratch scrath scratch scratch the skin away scrape dig and tear the fat off. There isn't a point to this I wasn't happy when I was 99 lbs. But maybe still I wouldn't be so itchy like I am now. I should keep puking until it kills me. hmmmm but if I keep doing this sn might not work out even with ae, because its become too easy. I can't be inside here anymore. I have to leave. My parents are so nice to me. But I can't be here anymore. I'm not anything or anyone.

 

[bima]

I have the exact same issue as you, I always feel fat and constantly want throw up despite having eaten nothing. I also build up a tolerance to force puking so if I throw up 2 days in a row, on the following days it can be near impossible for me to throw up without spending over 20 minutes trying. It annoys me so much I hate it