In what ways has being suicidal benefited you?

[mofumofu]

For me I have benefited monetarily. My disdain for living allows me to have an extremely high risk tolerance. I don't mind putting all of my life savings in something high risk like Bitcoin or leveraged stocks because I either win or I lose everything and get one step closer to ending it all, -60% crashes barely even phase me.

and despite having major anxiety and shyness in my earlier life, my social inhibitions now are much lower, I don't care much if other people think badly of me or dislike me like I used to.

 

[Slimetae]

idc what anyone thinks and i see my life for what it is

 

[nightnightnitrite]

I don't really care what people think of me. What I wear, what I look like what I do and how others perceive this now don't phase me because I realize there are bigger problems in life. I am also not afraid to speak my mind or handle a risky situation. What's the worst that could happen, I've already got everything else taken from me why not add my life to the list?

 

[timf]

There was a cartoon once of two guys in a fishing boat. On the horizon were mushroom clouds. One guy says to the other, "Forget the three fish limit".

Sometimes a person sees their life as constrained by limits. The removal of limits may initially be seen as freedom. However, there is a risk that our unrestrained inclinations can carry us into even more pain.

Sometimes the distortions of life that we can carry with us are removed by thoughts of suicide. This can provide a clarity that can also be a type of freedom. For example the person raised in suburbia who has always thought they need to fight their way of the corporate ladder, may come to see that this does not provide him any satisfaction in life and that happiness may lie in a different direction.

There was an Author James Clavell who had been a POW of the Japanese in WWII. In his book Nobel House, he writes himself into the story as a minor character. He has his character tell another about his experience as a POW. He says that the experience changes you forever. Like combat veterans, those who have come to expect death are less likely to be bullied into accepting much in life that is trivial, superficial, or false.

 

[potablewater784]

Every time that something bad happens, I remember that it doesn't really matter and it won't really affect me because I'll be dead soon

 

[akana]

it hasnt. that's why im here

 

[Ethereal Knight]

For me I have benefited monetarily. My disdain for living allows me to have an extremely high risk tolerance. I don't mind putting all of my life savings in something high risk like Bitcoin or leveraged stocks because I either win or I lose everything and get one step closer to ending it all, -60% crashes barely even phase me.

and despite having major anxiety and shyness in my earlier life, my social inhibitions now are much lower, I don't care much if other people think badly of me or dislike me like I used to.

excelent question, post and points. I relate a lot.

I'd add to this list that it also benefits me by allowing me to do/eat/look/behave however/whatever I want, to be able to enjoy the present moment with mindfulness, allowing myself to have a lot of leisure, and to not having to waste prescious time or resources trying to increase my education, getting degrees, chasing money in a rat wheel or working as a wage-slave.

 

[Foresight]

It increased my empathy and my patience. I'm less judgmental. I have to be so patient and kind to myself just to get through my nightmarish life. Doing that regularly makes it natural to extend that outward.

Music and art has more meaning to me.

 

[western_heart]

The threat of suicide motivates me to do better.

"If I don't solve <problem> in my life, I will kill myself"
"If I take <risk> and mess things up I can kill myself"
I routinely frame things as "<situation> is killing me" and then do my best to get out of the bad situation. Right now the thing I am trying to avoid is burnout, being unable to work will push me towards suicide.

since embracing my suicidality a year ago I've rebooted my career, cut myself off from my family, and worked towards healing my trauma. There is still a long way to go, recovery never ends. Can I keep going?

 

[Celerity]

It pushed me over the edge into giving up on an ambition that was bad for me. I suppose it has also made me more empathetic, particularly with drug users. I understand 100% why they abuse substances to check out of life.

 

[MetroTransit]

Well I do understand how it feels. If one has never been depressed or suicidal it is easy to dismiss the suffering of others suffering from it. It is pretty obvious they don't understand it given the trite responses they give on the subject. While I've had periods of depression since middle school it has never really escalated beyond mild anhedonia and feeling empty until a few years ago.

 

[Zegers]

Well, you can do what you want, but investments are not a casino, if you do that with no knowledge you will lose all your funds and you can say then i will km but this is not so simple and takes time.

As for how wanting to die has benefited me... i would say, nothing, i just feel upset at life.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

In some ways it has made me care less about what other people think, in other ways, it's made me care more.

 

[emptyjokes]

Fully accepting that I was gonna kill myself felt the same way it feels to drop a heavy backpack after several hours. I suppose it was more like steadily removing things from the pack until it was completely empty. I'd been carrying around a lot of worries about my future (ironically, this was a large factor in deciding to CTB) and when I accepted I wouldn't have one I stopped worrying about it. Now I can't be bothered to start worrying about it again, even if I expect to stick around to be there.

So long to anxieties about my future, the approval of others, and the idea of "being enough". It's never been my job to justify my life to other people, so I won't break my back trying.

 

[whatevs]

I joined a forum where I met a friend.

 

[blackwidow]

it hasn't

 

[Lain8]

I think it has made me more empathetic. There's still a lot of stigma regarding suicidal people but I like to look at the person directly without all the connotations of "being sad" "being difficult". You are a person with a lot of pain and sadness but that's not all there is to it.

 

[y'ffre]

I started to not feel helpless. Even in most of the worst-case scenarios I can die. It's just very comforting.
And also I feel kinda special (kinda like myself) because I can defy all the expectations that people can expect of me I have the option to stand up and say I don't want this. This life just sucks and I am going somewhere else!

 

[sunsetting]

Not caring about anything, if things get worse I can just release myself via death.

Unfortunately it has been more of a bittersweet benefit as since I don't really care anymore I've become too curious about what could happen that i've postponed the suicide so many times. It's like I'm in the right mood to ctb but then something catches my interest.

 

[abyss]

In very little ways but maybe I've been less inclined to do reckless or harmful things due to my depressed state. It's also probably made me more understanding of people.