Discussion In need of ideas after several failed attempts.....

[CouldaHvBeenARock]

Some History
I've been sick for more years than I have been alive and currently disabled by my symptoms
So this is my euthanasia

Family Dynamics
Scapegoat of a narcissistic family

Where did you do it?
My apartment
Failed after several attempts of partial suspension

How were you found?
Misfired delayed goodbye email

Who found you?
My parents

How did you come to be hospitalized?
To escape my parents

Options one
Partial suspension- but I'm still looking for a place
I can ctb in the hospital - relatively small and not a lot of people around
I'm slowly learning their routines
My worst nightmare is going back home

Options Two
I can ctb at home
Full suspension
But this is tricky
As I'll have to pretend I'm doing better and earn my parents trust so they can leave me alone
But I hate them
And I'm not sure, once they piss me off
I won't blow up in their face

Any suggestions on how to proceed?!?
Thanks

 

[DT2007]

You're in an awful situation. I feel for you.
May i ask how you intend to ctb in hospital? At home will be diffivult in yiur situation with your parents i guess.

 

[CouldaHvBeenARock]

You're in an awful situation. I feel for you.
May i ask how you intend to ctb in hospital? At home will be diffivult in yiur situation with your parents i guess.

The best option I found was a shower curtain rod but the issue is it's not bolted on to the wall meaning once my body starts convulsing I might fail
I can pretend I'm taking a long shower
And use a scarf to do the job

Won't lie I'm still thinking about this, cause I cannot fail

 

[Yuna is My Waifu]

Might be difficult in a psych hospital, how constantly do they watch you?

 

[CouldaHvBeenARock]

Might be difficult in a psych hospital, how constantly do they watch you?

I made sure to be on my best behavior esp with the nurses,so they won't suspect a thing
Like I was able to take a diazepam 10ml from the nurses office, next I'm planning to take a syringe
In the morning, it's quite difficult due to doctor visits and such but at night the number of times is a bit spread out...... I wanna start tracking their exact timings or maybe I can just call them to bring me something in the night before the shower and that can buy me at least some time before the next checkin

 

[Yuna is My Waifu]

I made sure to be on my best behavior esp with the nurses,so they won't suspect a thing
In the morning, it's quite difficult but at night the number of times is a bit spread out...... I wanna start tracking their exact timings

Yeah night shift is the best time I'd say, just keep sucking up and being nice to them so they lose there concern. Every time you cant see them use your phone to measure the exact time frames.

 

[CouldaHvBeenARock]

Yeah night shift is the best time I'd say, just keep sucking up and being nice to them so they lose there concern. Every time you cant see them use your phone to measure the exact time frames.

Yeah
I'll do that for the next couple of days
I was planning to ctb around the weekend thats before I leave next week

 

[hi-okbye]

night shift is good. when i was in the hospital, i would say up really late. they would do check in's every 15 minutes but at night it kinda slowed, sometimes to once every hour. your hospital seems more relaxed though, so i wish you luck.
i understand not wanting to go home, but i really feel like you would have the best chance to suceed there. maybe just act really good like you have been, get home soon, then doing it at home.
good luck <3

 

[CouldaHvBeenARock]

night shift is good. when i was in the hospital, i would say up really late. they would do check in's every 15 minutes but at night it kinda slowed, sometimes to once every hour. your hospital seems more relaxed though, so i wish you luck.
i understand not wanting to go home, but i really feel like you would have the best chance to suceed there. maybe just act really good like you have been, get home soon, then doing it at home.
good luck <3

Before I came to the hospital
My parents had broken the lock to my door
At night I was accompanied with my cousin in my room
They had blocked access to the downstairs of the house
I was under constant surveillance

I felt so traumatized by their treatment
And that's why I thought to ctb in the hospital

Cause it will take me months to earn their trust whilst being constantly exposed to their toxicity

 

[hi-okbye]

Before I came to the hospital
My parents had broken the lock to my door
At night I was accompanied with my cousin in my room
They had blocked access to the downstairs of the house
I was under constant surveillance

I felt so traumatized by their treatment
And that's why I thought to ctb in the hospital

Cause it will take me months to earn their trust whilst being constantly exposed to their toxicity

aw i'm so sorry you had to go through that. is there anyway where you can get any alone time at home? like maybe say your showering or something?
if there isn't than i guess that it will be better to ctb in the hospital. i wish you much luck if you want to ask questions you can :)

 

[CouldaHvBeenARock]

aw i'm so sorry you had to go through that. is there anyway where you can get any alone time at home? like maybe say your showering or something?
if there isn't than i guess that it will be better to ctb in the hospital. i wish you much luck if you want to ask questions you can :)

The only time I had was when I showered
I had some leftover sleeping pills and thought of drowning in the bathtub

But I'm not sure how they'll monitor me once I'm out
It might be months before I get a chance

 

[hi-okbye]

The only time I had was when I showered
I had some leftover sleeping pills and thought of drowning in the bathtub

But I'm not sure how they'll monitor me once I'm out
It might be months before I get a chance

im so sorry you have to go through that. if your really set on it, you can try tying yourself down so you drown in the bathtub, i saw a video of it once, it was kind of rough but it ends after a bit and doesn't take too long.
i hope you can find some freedom soon <3