Help In-home caretaker for autistic adult

[borderline-feline]

I'm completely incapable of doing anything. I need explicit and specific instructions in order to be able to do the most basic of tasks. I have the mental faculties of a 12 year old girl, so I'm completely stunted in every way. I can't take care of myself because of my disability.

I'm eventually going to have to quit my job because I'll lose transportation when my sister gets a job that actually uses her degree. I have even more difficulty with functioning because I have to deal with my father and sister, and they have no concept of an inside voice (people like that should have their vocal cords removed). I want to move into a studio apartment in the city where I work so that I won't have to leave my job and because I wouldn't be able to get an in-home caretaker without moving out.

Does anyone know anything about how I would go about getting an in-home caretaker to help me take care of myself if that's even an option for an adult? I live in the United States and need to know how much it would cost me as well since a studio apartment in the city would cost me over half of what I make in a month for rent.

I would rather die than go on disability. I just need to have support so that I can function. I essentially want someone I can hire who could basically act as my guardian, but I don't know if that's a thing.

Any information would be helpful, but I'll likely respond with a lot of questions since, as I said, I need things to be specific.

 

[borderline-feline]

After looking into it more, I can conclude that I'm fucked, because an in-home caregiver would cost me thousands per month. Well, I guess it's time to go back to figuring out how to get my favorite person to let me kill myself.

 

[CTB Dream]

Vry sorry not know hlp how but relate injury damage no able any do nobody help. Ppl think adult mean no help unfortunate awful way tgink

 

[epic]

I would be willing to pitch in some crypto if admin can confirm all the details of your case. I won't be able to do much though (about a 100$) . I wish I could do more but I am walking a financial tight rope myself .

 

[borderline-feline]

I would be willing to pitch in some crypto if admin can confirm all the details of your case. I won't be able to do much though (about a 100$) . I wish I could do more but I am walking a financial tight rope myself .

I'm sorry, but I wouldn't feel right accepting money from you, or anyone here tbh. I'm not exactly a fan of cryptocurrency and thus don't even know how to use it.

Right now, I'm just trying to remind myself that, while I may be emotionally unstable and stunted at a mental age of 12, I still should be celebrating the size of my breasts.

 

[epic]

I'm sorry, but I wouldn't feel right accepting money from you, or anyone here tbh.

That's understandable . Feel free to ask if you change your mind .

 

[valkyrie]

I'm not sure who FP is to you, but perhaps living with a partner or a roommate could provide you with some support if an official caretaker isn't an option?

 

[Forever Sleep]

I know they're available in the UK- I've been looking for jobs recently and they post care jobs quite a bit. I expect it is expensive though. I wonder if there is any subsidised support you could get. Or even- warden assisted properties. I don't know- maybe that's only for older folk. It's really impressive you hold down a job though- it would be good if you could keep it- if it gives you structure.

 

[TransMagical]

I'm completely incapable of doing anything. I need explicit and specific instructions in order to be able to do the most basic of tasks. I have the mental faculties of a 12 year old girl, so I'm completely stunted in every way. I can't take care of myself because of my disability.

I'm eventually going to have to quit my job because I'll lose transportation when my sister gets a job that actually uses her degree. I have even more difficulty with functioning because I have to deal with my father and sister, and they have no concept of an inside voice (people like that should have their vocal cords removed). I want to move into a studio apartment in the city where I work so that I won't have to leave my job and because I wouldn't be able to get an in-home caretaker without moving out.

Does anyone know anything about how I would go about getting an in-home caretaker to help me take care of myself if that's even an option for an adult? I live in the United States and need to know how much it would cost me as well since a studio apartment in the city would cost me over half of what I make in a month for rent.

I would rather die than go on disability. I just need to have support so that I can function. I essentially want someone I can hire who could basically act as my guardian, but I don't know if that's a thing.

Any information would be helpful, but I'll likely respond with a lot of questions since, as I said, I need things to be specific.

Here are some tips I would say to help you out, not all on a caretaker but tips.

Idk id you do this but; wear headphones with no music playing. I have sensory issues from my adhd and headphones with or without music help me alot with noises.

Maybe someone on here lives near you and maybe you could get to know them to see if they are trustable enough to help you.

Althought you said you dont want to go on disability, Id say if you cant do anything else safely then that would be a safe course if action temporarily, you can wait till you can try and find someone(make a friend or 2 when you go outside) who can help you. You can look online to find a website about sharing appartment's and look there


Sorry if its not much use but i did my best

 

[Disaster]

I would love actually to get out of where I'm now and actually do that, but yes, this would cost helluva lot, not only because of the travel cost, but also because this caretaker needs some sort of security, not only an accommodation. And an accommodation isn't even that safe if the "employer" is chronically suicidal, huh?
Of course it would be nice (and a right thing to do) if this sort of help was provided as part of social security system. But we live in a capitalistic dystopia and well, that's all. I wish you to find an affordable service like that, I really do. But if a person providing this help is supposed to get a livable wage (and how could they do a good job when struggling financially themselves?), then the question is who is supposed to pay it, if you can. Some tasks that can be done remotely are already outsourced to cheaper countries, where the cost of living is lower. But if someone is supposed to live in some American city, they also need to afford American food prices, American healthcare etc.
I'm sorry, I also hate this system.

 

[fell]

Just brainstorming a few ideas here to see if any might help :)

Would it be possible to have someone come in part-time (a few hours a day) to help set things up / put plans in motion / help to plan and implement those plans?

Or to have a resource list of - this is a person who helps meal prep, this is how to get groceries, this person helps with errands, or apps that can help with those (delivery services, etc?)

Are there any specific tasks that are particularly challenging? Perhaps someone could help with the most challenging tasks, and help to organize and come up with a plan for the other tasks?

There may also be disability-specific services that can help? For instance, my best friend has autism and gets help from forums for ideas on how to manage things - and a low-cost therapist to help make plans for more complex things?

I hope some of this may help!

 

[borderline-feline]

I'm not sure who FP is to you, but perhaps living with a partner or a roommate could provide you with some support if an official caretaker isn't an option?

So, I'm gonna respond to everything people have said here. I didn't see it until now because I only hang out in the suicide discussion section at this point, but I do appreciate the thought.

Living with my favorite person wouldn't work since we're in an international relationship, and I have no desire of settling down in the UK.

I only have one IRL friend, and she's married, so the roommate thing doesn't work for me. I also don't think it would be fair of me to expect the kind of support that I need from a roommate.

Here are some tips I would say to help you out, not all on a caretaker but tips.

Idk id you do this but; wear headphones with no music playing. I have sensory issues from my adhd and headphones with or without music help me alot with noises.

Maybe someone on here lives near you and maybe you could get to know them to see if they are trustable enough to help you.

Althought you said you dont want to go on disability, Id say if you cant do anything else safely then that would be a safe course if action temporarily, you can wait till you can try and find someone(make a friend or 2 when you go outside) who can help you. You can look online to find a website about sharing appartment's and look there


Sorry if its not much use but i did my best

I try using headphones, but it doesn't always work because of how uncomfortable having something on my ears can be when I'm already overstimulated.

Again, my only IRL friend is already married, so it's not an option. I don't go out for reasons other than work, and I don't live in the kind of area where you actually want to meet people.

I also just don't make IRL friends, because people who are physically near aren't to be trusted.

Just brainstorming a few ideas here to see if any might help :)

Would it be possible to have someone come in part-time (a few hours a day) to help set things up / put plans in motion / help to plan and implement those plans?

Or to have a resource list of - this is a person who helps meal prep, this is how to get groceries, this person helps with errands, or apps that can help with those (delivery services, etc?)

Are there any specific tasks that are particularly challenging? Perhaps someone could help with the most challenging tasks, and help to organize and come up with a plan for the other tasks?

There may also be disability-specific services that can help? For instance, my best friend has autism and gets help from forums for ideas on how to manage things - and a low-cost therapist to help make plans for more complex things?

I hope some of this may help!

It wouldn't be viable to have anyone come in because I can't have any kind of caretaker witbout moving into my own place, which isn't financially viable.

I'm not capable of taking basic care of myself. I struggle to keep up with personal hygiene (showers & tooth brushing). I also forget to take my meds at times, and I don't remember when I last did my laundry.

Cleaning is also something I'm not capable of sitting down and doing, and I don't trust anyone to clean my spaces for me, because they could end up throwing away my things.

I prefer for people I know (other than my dad) to not see the things I eat due to insecurities, so I wouldn't want someone else doing shopping for me unless it's through an app. I also don't trust that someone would get exactly what I need. Let's say that they get the wrong brand of cheese. I would just starve myself because other brands aren't edible.

There's also the aspect of being unable to do my income taxes if my dad isn't there. I don't know how to do it myself.

Everything that isn't just doing my job or indulging in my interests is a big challenge. I also can't just have people come in and help me without being able to pay them.

Any kind of disability-specific service is far too expensive. I can't really do anything without specific instructions. I'm essentially a child despite being 25 years old.

I'll spare you my bullshit because I plan to stop using the recovery section due to a lack of desire for recovery. All I can really say is that the only appealing life would be as my favorite person's pet.

I can't handle anything beyond the life of a housecat. I wanna be completely controlled in terms of my schedule and bank account, being praised if I behave and locked in a cage if I misbehave. I want the only control I have to be what and when I eat. I'll spend my time curling up with my master and eating Cheerios out of a cat food bowl...

Okay, so I didn't spare you my bullshit. I just don't want to live if I can't be my favorite person's pet, and he doesn't want that level of power or control over me.

 

[Grav]

The only thing I can think of is you would have to qualify for some kind of assistance. That would probably take a medical diagnosis and then work through your state, sometimes local, system. I know there are means-tested programs that handle some of the things you would need assistance with.

 

[lionetta12]

So, I'm gonna respond to everything people have said here. I didn't see it until now because I only hang out in the suicide discussion section at this point, but I do appreciate the thought.

Living with my favorite person wouldn't work since we're in an international relationship, and I have no desire of settling down in the UK.

I only have one IRL friend, and she's married, so the roommate thing doesn't work for me. I also don't think it would be fair of me to expect the kind of support that I need from a roommate.

I try using headphones, but it doesn't always work because of how uncomfortable having something on my ears can be when I'm already overstimulated.

Again, my only IRL friend is already married, so it's not an option. I don't go out for reasons other than work, and I don't live in the kind of area where you actually want to meet people.

I also just don't make IRL friends, because people who are physically near aren't to be trusted.

It wouldn't be viable to have anyone come in because I can't have any kind of caretaker witbout moving into my own place, which isn't financially viable.

I'm not capable of taking basic care of myself. I struggle to keep up with personal hygiene (showers & tooth brushing). I also forget to take my meds at times, and I don't remember when I last did my laundry.

Cleaning is also something I'm not capable of sitting down and doing, and I don't trust anyone to clean my spaces for me, because they could end up throwing away my things.

I prefer for people I know (other than my dad) to not see the things I eat due to insecurities, so I wouldn't want someone else doing shopping for me unless it's through an app. I also don't trust that someone would get exactly what I need. Let's say that they get the wrong brand of cheese. I would just starve myself because other brands aren't edible.

There's also the aspect of being unable to do my income taxes if my dad isn't there. I don't know how to do it myself.

Everything that isn't just doing my job or indulging in my interests is a big challenge. I also can't just have people come in and help me without being able to pay them.

Any kind of disability-specific service is far too expensive. I can't really do anything without specific instructions. I'm essentially a child despite being 25 years old.

I'll spare you my bullshit because I plan to stop using the recovery section due to a lack of desire for recovery. All I can really say is that the only appealing life would be as my favorite person's pet.

I can't handle anything beyond the life of a housecat. I wanna be completely controlled in terms of my schedule and bank account, being praised if I behave and locked in a cage if I misbehave. I want the only control I have to be what and when I eat. I'll spend my time curling up with my master and eating Cheerios out of a cat food bowl...

Okay, so I didn't spare you my bullshit. I just don't want to live if I can't be my favorite person's pet, and he doesn't want that level of power or control over me.

I do believe that if you want someone to be in control of your finances and bank accounts and if you're due to medical reasons unable to take care of yourself, court can assign you a legal guardian who has guardianship over you (like the Britney Spears case). In that case, your dad could be assigned, a lawyer could or a professional «guardian» who do guardianship for several people as a job could. I'm not from America so I don't know the full process or what that could cost. I know some disabled people in the US though personally who do have parents who are their legal guardians while they are above the age of 18 since they are mentally unable to take care of themselves and their finances. I suspect my american most recent ex has this kind of arrangement too but it was never fully confirmed, I just kind of accidently found out about it.

As for a caretaker or nurse, again, I don't know about the US but in my country that would be covered by the government if you have a diagnosis and a need for it. You could also in my country get an apartment that is cheaper than renting privately, in a government owned apartment that has nurses around 24/7. That way you're never alone and you live in an apartment block with several others who also struggle to live alone or do things without help. The nurse help would be free in that case too. There's no roommates or anything, there's just some «open areas» in the various floors where the nurses hang and where people who live in the apartments can come out and ask for help or hang around.

 

[leeloosnow]

I'm completely incapable of doing anything. I need explicit and specific instructions in order to be able to do the most basic of tasks. I have the mental faculties of a 12 year old girl, so I'm completely stunted in every way. I can't take care of myself because of my disability.

I'm eventually going to have to quit my job because I'll lose transportation when my sister gets a job that actually uses her degree. I have even more difficulty with functioning because I have to deal with my father and sister, and they have no concept of an inside voice (people like that should have their vocal cords removed). I want to move into a studio apartment in the city where I work so that I won't have to leave my job and because I wouldn't be able to get an in-home caretaker without moving out.

Does anyone know anything about how I would go about getting an in-home caretaker to help me take care of myself if that's even an option for an adult? I live in the United States and need to know how much it would cost me as well since a studio apartment in the city would cost me over half of what I make in a month for rent.

I would rather die than go on disability. I just need to have support so that I can function. I essentially want someone I can hire who could basically act as my guardian, but I don't know if that's a thing.

Any information would be helpful, but I'll likely respond with a lot of questions since, as I said, I need things to be specific.

I worked as a caregiver for seniors for abt 4yrs, and I typically charged a lot less because of licensure. Things I addressed were like meds, personal hygiene, activities, dementia care, diet and diabetic care, wound care and medical arrangement and transport, as well as functioning as a family liaison. so basically an underpaid case manager >.< these sorts of people aren't impossible to find, i fell into it due to having senior friends and them aging and the stress/isolation due to covid, but I'll warn you that a lot of unlicensed ppl are thieves and con artists, so if you follow that route do so with extreme caution. up for answering any other questions you may have. best wishes <3

 

[borderline-feline]

I do believe that if you want someone to be in control of your finances and bank accounts and if you're due to medical reasons unable to take care of yourself, court can assign you a legal guardian who has guardianship over you (like the Britney Spears case). In that case, your dad could be assigned, a lawyer could or a professional «guardian» who do guardianship for several people as a job could. I'm not from America so I don't know the full process or what that could cost. I know some disabled people in the US though personally who do have parents who are their legal guardians while they are above the age of 18 since they are mentally unable to take care of themselves and their finances. I suspect my american most recent ex has this kind of arrangement too but it was never fully confirmed, I just kind of accidently found out about it.

As for a caretaker or nurse, again, I don't know about the US but in my country that would be covered by the government if you have a diagnosis and a need for it. You could also in my country get an apartment that is cheaper than renting privately, in a government owned apartment that has nurses around 24/7. That way you're never alone and you live in an apartment block with several others who also struggle to live alone or do things without help. The nurse help would be free in that case too. There's no roommates or anything, there's just some «open areas» in the various floors where the nurses hang and where people who live in the apartments can come out and ask for help or hang around.

A conservatorship wouldn't be an option, because it's not what I want. I don't want an arrangement like that. I think you're focusing too specifically on the financial dependence that I crave and not enough about the other unhinged nonsense I said about wanting to be a housecat. I don't want to be someone's ward; I want to be my favorite person's pet.

The second thing sounds like an assisted living facility, but I don't think that there are any in my area, and I'm pretty sure they're not government funded here. I would also be nervous about having so many other people around me. I would need support, but I would also need to be able to completely avoid all of humanity if needed and not have people other than a caretaker ever trying to speak to me.

I worked as a caregiver for seniors for abt 4yrs, and I typically charged a lot less because of licensure. Things I addressed were like meds, personal hygiene, activities, dementia care, diet and diabetic care, wound care and medical arrangement and transport, as well as functioning as a family liaison. so basically an underpaid case manager >.< these sorts of people aren't impossible to find, i fell into it due to having senior friends and them aging and the stress/isolation due to covid, but I'll warn you that a lot of unlicensed ppl are thieves and con artists, so if you follow that route do so with extreme caution. up for answering any other questions you may have. best wishes <3

The key word there is "senior". I'm 25. The kinds of support I would need if I decided to stay alive would be too expensive to be viable, as I can't even afford the rent for a small studio apartment, which I would need in order to have a caretaker.

I'm also not particularly interested in living anymore. I'm only still alive because I made a promise to my favorite person that I wouldn't self-harm or kill myself. I would need permission to die, but I'll never get that permission.