In hell

[jussrav]

Hi I dont know where to start. I have been suicidal everyday, ive tried to hang 3 times but it hurts my throat bad. I slashed throat with knife infront of mum. I have been to hospital for help they send me away and then the psych doctor who hasn't seem me for weekd says he will go on holiday for 2 weeks then send new meds to my doctor. I have a negativity problem I can't seem to get a hold off. I dont sleep basically u had my own flat bur a flat mate who lives there is addicted to alcohol got angry and said he would call the police. So I had to move out and stay with mum. My mind is troubled with negative thoughts and I dont eat just on soup and water due to getting long covid again. The first was for 20 months now its a year. I get severstabbing pains in eyes that don't let me live. My mum and dad are sick and tired of me. I dont see a future I see death every day and I have to fight constantly in my head . Its like the devil and darkness negativity has taken over. When this happens I started to feel sick cant breathe get headaches and stomach pains. Prior to covid I was a normal happy person. I also have a brain tumour which won't kill me. Everything in life has gone against me. Everything I dont know what happy is I struggle everyday with one thing or another mentally. U wake up at 2am in a state if negativity have to fight for hours within to get my mental state a bit normal I dont know what happens to me. My mum is only one who cares but I am afraid I am running ti her every morning in despair saying I want to die. I hate how I have become and what its done to my family. I could go on but I dont know where else to begin. As I said I need to end it quickly.
Not only thst I am lieing on sofa want to rest but I've got so low now my mind won't let me rest it starts to be negative.

 

[Dandy88]

Why are no one answer on this? Jesus, jussrav, I really hope that you will find your peace. My english is not good enough to write all my emotions i feel while reading your text. Unfortunately I cannot help you in this Situation. I can only talk to you.

 

[jussrav]

Why are no one answer on this? Jesus, jussrav, I really hope that you will find your peace. My english is not good enough to write all my emotions i feel while reading your text. Unfortunately I cannot help you in this Situation. I can only talk to you.

I am in hell again. My mind has gone to another hell. I tried to rest and sleep as soon as I got to try and focus on the the thoughts of resting inhaling at the right time I coukdnt do it. Now I am in hell
I have to live a life where all the crisis teams doctors are all sick of me. Noone cares anymore only mum but its a bit late. I need to end my life tonight
I have to live a life where all the crisis teams doctors are all sick of me. Noone cares anymore only mum but its a bit late. I need to end my life tonight
I have to live a life where all the crisis teams doctors are all sick of me. Noone cares anymore only mum but its a bit late. I need to end my life tonight
I have to live a life where all the crisis teams doctors are all sick of me. Noone cares anymore only mum but its a bit late. I need to end my life tonight

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm so sorry you have to go through that and it is so difficult for you to find a suitable method. The psych doc goes in a vacation the hospital does nothing, really that's a shitty healthcare system. This is unbelievable how they treat patients who seek help. I really wish I could help you somehow. I hope you find peace.

 

[jussrav]

I'm so sorry you have to go through that and it is so difficult for you to find a suitable method. The psych doc goes in a vacation the hospital does nothing, really that's a shitty healthcare system. This is unbelievable how they treat patients who seek help. I really wish I could help you somehow. I hope you find peace.

Will tramadol overdose be okni will find alcohol. Hanging is so tough. Slashing kmbeck with knife also not good. My uncle died of overdose id likebto too.

 

[FuneralCry]

That sounds really horrible what you are going through, it's so hellish how people have to suffer so much in this existence, I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for.

 

[jussrav]

That sounds really horrible what you are going through, it's so hellish how people have to suffer so much in this existence, I hope that you eventually find the freedom you search for.

I think this tops the lot of suffering.

 

[Praestat_Mori]

Will tramadol overdose be okni will find alcohol. Hanging is so tough. Slashing kmbeck with knife also not good. My uncle died of overdose id likebto too.

I don't know. Maybe it's not very reliable, there are many meds that "can" cause death when mixed with alcohol but you have to to put so many other factors into account here. Human bodies are sometime so much stronger than we ever would imagine.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4268194/

 

[Blue Elephant]

@jussrav like @Praestat_Mori said CTB by overdose is not very reliable. As per statistics CTB by gunshot, hanging and falling from heights are the most reliable methods to go out.

I will hang myself with a thick rope (most people recommend one with 20 mm in diameter) which I will also pad with a sock or a thin towel (this should ease the pain somewhat).

I'm really sorry for what you're going through.

If I'm online I'm available to chat if you need to unload.

 

[DysmorphTic]

I am also in hell, the real hell. I was born in hell, but I will never die. That's the point of hell, isn't it, that it never ends?

The fight in my head is a full blown civil war. I have memories of existing millions of years ago. I have been in hell so long that I have evolved into Satan himself, I am the tortured and the torturer - the torturer of my own soul.

I know the true meaning of insanity and I won't lie to you. It only gets worse, like a cancer it grows. You grow stronger to take the pain, but the pain grows stronger with you.

Hell is my specialty and I will help as much as I can. Do not fight. Submit in battle and take the pain, because war is the pain. No war, no pain. No fight, no war. Be a pacifist, like Jesus, turn the other cheek. And that's coming from Satan.

Embrace it. I am a Buddhist, and wisdom states there is no true differentiation between pleasure and pain. I used to hate my pain and wanted to die, but now it makes me cum. I know that sounds gross and crazy, but sexually embrace your pain and you will turn your pain into pleasure and your hell into heaven.

Heaven and hell are exactly the same place, because white is black, black is white, and the Devil is God and vice versa. If you are in hell, then Hail Satan! No matter what, there is energy, even if you die your energy does not die. Utilize this energy, embrace this energy, embrace all energy and EXPRESS. Break shit, cry your eyes out, laugh like a maniac, try to poke your eyes out, masturbate all day to perverse shit, even if you sleep all day that is energy, negative energy.

Eventually you will evolve into a state where pain and pleasure, positive and negative bleed into the same thing, and you won't give a fuck about anything - even if you care you won't care.

Become the queen of your own hell, master it and you will become the master of suffering. Once you reach this state, there is no more pleasure nor pain, and you can help others in hell embrace and learn to love their pain as well

Hail Satan.