This is not a heavy topic related to suicide or serious worries, but it is just an off-topic because it deals with my past, where I lived a long, thoughtless life.
Even if my peers were close at school, I didn't care and I played by myself while scribbling in my notebook. It was fun.
One time, when I was suffering from bullying, I lied on my stomach and pretended to cry, and I guess he thought he had won, so he went away.
My mother told me to fight with my children instead of just being bullied by them, so I tried to challenge them once.
As a result, I was ridiculed so badly that it was better to just pretend to cry and lose.
Because I couldn't fight, I got beaten up and hated by my teacher for doing bad things.
To be honest, I can't express my anger to the point where I can't stand it when kids beat me.
It's because if you get angry for nothing, your energy will run out and you will feel more tired and exhausted.
Maybe I'm not a very patient person, I'm just a person who doesn't like to express my feelings.
One time, I thought I'd drop out of school and stay at home, but I didn't because of my pride because I was afraid I would fall behind my peers.
So, in a situation where I couldn't get out of it, I decided to go crazy and run wild for once.
I became a clown of all the students and became a laughing stock.
If I go back to the past and go to school, then I should be absent and move to an area far away from school as much as possible, and I should play and eat for the rest of my life.
Ps. Incidentally, I thought that I would be able to move to another school and make new friends and get along better than before.
But the bullying seems to be getting worse because of the rumors, but it seems like it's much more fun to socialize with them, so they disappear far away from me.
So I became a loner again, and I looked at my close friends in the classroom.
Playing while scribbling in a notebook was more mentally comfortable and fun than developing sociability.
I learned a lesson that when people get used to the existing environment, they become a self-centered type who only does what they have to do and want to do, even if they start in a new area.
I realized that inviting people I didn't know to increase my intimacy and invite them to my network was a very difficult, unnecessary, and far-reaching act.
Even if my peers were close at school, I didn't care and I played by myself while scribbling in my notebook. It was fun.
One time, when I was suffering from bullying, I lied on my stomach and pretended to cry, and I guess he thought he had won, so he went away.
My mother told me to fight with my children instead of just being bullied by them, so I tried to challenge them once.
As a result, I was ridiculed so badly that it was better to just pretend to cry and lose.
Because I couldn't fight, I got beaten up and hated by my teacher for doing bad things.
To be honest, I can't express my anger to the point where I can't stand it when kids beat me.
It's because if you get angry for nothing, your energy will run out and you will feel more tired and exhausted.
Maybe I'm not a very patient person, I'm just a person who doesn't like to express my feelings.
One time, I thought I'd drop out of school and stay at home, but I didn't because of my pride because I was afraid I would fall behind my peers.
So, in a situation where I couldn't get out of it, I decided to go crazy and run wild for once.
I became a clown of all the students and became a laughing stock.
If I go back to the past and go to school, then I should be absent and move to an area far away from school as much as possible, and I should play and eat for the rest of my life.
Ps. Incidentally, I thought that I would be able to move to another school and make new friends and get along better than before.
But the bullying seems to be getting worse because of the rumors, but it seems like it's much more fun to socialize with them, so they disappear far away from me.
So I became a loner again, and I looked at my close friends in the classroom.
Playing while scribbling in a notebook was more mentally comfortable and fun than developing sociability.
I learned a lesson that when people get used to the existing environment, they become a self-centered type who only does what they have to do and want to do, even if they start in a new area.
I realized that inviting people I didn't know to increase my intimacy and invite them to my network was a very difficult, unnecessary, and far-reaching act.
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