Venting impulsively tried to hang myself last night

[sunnydays.]

last night, i guess i was freaking out, so i tried to talk to some of my friends, and it went badly. i'm not even sure they consider me as their friend anymore. anyway, then i made a noose. i was aware i was being impulsive. even while i was getting my head into the noose, i thought to myself 'maybe i should at least write a will', but i didn't. i just started trying to relax and waited for a few min, hoping i would just go unconscious already

anyway, i wrote this down right afterwards lol:

Spoiler

I Made a noose but it was not high enough for full hanging. I put my neck in the noose I tightened it and I waited to go unconscious it took too long my face felt like exploding it was warm and comforting but uncomfortable and I want to die
I wanted to take all of the pills in this apartment in hope of death but it won't kill me so what is the point
I want to cut until all of my skin is mutilated and then I can see my bones and then i will bleed out and die and I will feel hurt and it will be Right and I hope I die because I hate the person I am and I am always going to be alone

I'm really alone

I don't understand what I am alive for

What am I alive for

I have no friends
My family does not care to spend time with me
I do not care to spend time with myself
I find little pleasure in anything
I try to find happiness in food and I do not
My stomach hurts
My body feels empty and not mine
Sometimes I have weird sensations in my spine and my whole body jerks like it is not mine
Sometimes I wake up in terror and my body convulses like it is not mine
I have no body
I am not alive I am already dead
I am not human I am already dead

welp. sometimes i think 'maybe i ought to buy SN and go for it already'. but i probably ought to wait until i'm less impulsive to decide.

 

[_wishforwings]

Welcome to the forum, but I'm sorry life has brought you here :-( I think it is definitely a good idea to wait until you feel less impulsive to decide.