Venting Impulse buying

[[NoName]]

I keep buying shit from a local gas station on impulse. I know I'll feel like shit after, but I keep going.

I used to (unknowingly) do "shop therapy" as a way of dealing with my emotions. Now that I know I still keep doing it. I just feel bad, want to feel better, do the only things I know to feel better (shop and eat junk food), know I won't feel better, and stay feeling like shit.

I'm too scared to look into my bank account because I've been doing this for months and I lost my job because I couldn't function like a normal human being for too long. I have college to pay for and soon loans as well. Half my life dedicated to getting an education, getting a good job, having a nice life, wasted on overpriced pop-tarts I'll feel guilty eating.

Why am I so fucking dumb.

Edit:

Just realized this isn't the correct forum to post this in. If a mod wants to move it or take it down I understand.

 

[sólstafir]

Thank god I don't live in a bigger city or I would buy clothes more often than I can afford. I'm so pathetic that I dress myself up in my room but no-one sees me but me. I'm a no ones girl
Maybe you grow out of this addiction, I hope so. I can only afford potatoes, rice and pasta, can't afford junk food. I know I'm not helpful :/

 

[[NoName]]

Thank god I don't live in a bigger city or I would buy clothes more often than I can afford. I'm so pathetic that I dress myself up in my room but no-one sees me but me. I'm a no ones girl
Maybe you grow out of this addiction, I hope so. I can only afford potatoes, rice and pasta, can't afford junk food. I know I'm not helpful :/

I can't afford it either. Shit just hasn't hit the fan yet. I'm very lucky my bf has a job and good sense to not spend like crazy. Whenever I talk about it or buy something he raises his eyebrows in a kind of, "That's a shit move, but I'm not going to say anything" kind of way.

And thank you, you were nice to reach out.

 

[sólstafir]

Try to look at food differently. Instead of buying chips for example buy carrots and dip sauce, at least it's healthy and still tasty

 

[stargazer]

I'm also prone to somewhat impulse buys. Usually it's stuff I do want. The odd fast food snack, lottery tickets, postage stamps...as CTB nears, I have somewhat started to lose any sense of financial restraint. But don't worry anyone I'm not that bad, I'm not crazy.
But I totally feel OP. Having money can be so much fun.

 

[Watson]

I keep buying shit from a local gas station on impulse. I know I'll feel like shit after, but I keep going.

I used to (unknowingly) do "shop therapy" as a way of dealing with my emotions. Now that I know I still keep doing it. I just feel bad, want to feel better, do the only things I know to feel better (shop and eat junk food), know I won't feel better, and stay feeling like shit.

I'm too scared to look into my bank account because I've been doing this for months and I lost my job because I couldn't function like a normal human being for too long. I have college to pay for and soon loans as well. Half my life dedicated to getting an education, getting a good job, having a nice life, wasted on overpriced pop-tarts I'll feel guilty eating.

Why am I so fucking dumb.

Edit:

Just realized this isn't the correct forum to post this in. If a mod wants to move it or take it down I understand.

Have you tried budgeting? I know you don't want to look at your bank account but it might be better sooner than later.. especially if you have school/loans. Whatever the debt amount you might think it is, it will only get worse if you don't take a look now.
know it is hard and feels overwhelming, but if you are already concerned about how you spend now, you will be able to handle whatever debt you have.

Do you pay cash or card? You don't have to answer that.
But paying things via card makes it easy to lose track and not keep track of what you're spending.

After you figure out your budget, you could essentially pull out the allotted cash for that week or whatever and try your best to stick to spending only the cash at hand. Paying in cash will also help you visually see your money dwindling down and that may be enough of a mental trigger to help you limit your purchases. Sometimes a visual reminder is all you need to help.
I do think what's more important is not what you are buying, but why you are buying-- if it's helping you deal with stress and reward yourself or if you're buying it to make yourself feel bad it the greater question at hand.

I apologize if I sound preachy but had to tackle a multiple medical bills (over $40k) with no health insurance at the time (hooray USA!) that gave me panic attacks whenever I thought about it. I had a friend who helped me budget and gave me the same advice I've written here for you that has helped me immensely and I was able to clear that debt. Granted I also have student loan debt but that's never going to get paid off because Sallie Mae is a hoe. When it comes to finances it's only scary because the world is consumed by money-- but if you take it one step at a time, you won't get eaten up by it.


Also the way you describe buying things/food sounds & the guilt you have after sounds similar to what those who have suffered through eating disorders have endured.
I suffered with eating disorders (anorexia, purging, ednos,) most of my life and still have disordered eating / thinking now, but keep in mind that there is no such thing as good or bad food. (got down to 95 pounds-- something I'm still really proud of and should be but who cares about that now except me!)
There is better quality and lower quality food and that's it. I agree with sólstafir and changing what you are snacking on may help; the added guilt of "that was not healthy omgg... etc" isn't fun and being able to eat and not feel guilty is something remarkable I hear. Also better quality food will help you mentally and may help you deal with stress.

I should be honest and say I am in NO way practicing what I preach and I still go a few days without eating and tend to live off of energy drinks and cigarettes, buuuuut at times I'm most stressed, I have learned to eat when I have to.. and to eat higher quality foods when I have to eat.

And in regards to the eating, again, I apologize if it sounds preachy but having an eating disorder or disordered thinking towards eating is one mental prison I wish for no one. It's a slow and agonizing death but life is already slow and agonizing.. I dunno, I have always felt that the stronger ED thoughts of self worth/guilt/etc were always the most cruel.

Sorry again if this is preachy but just wanted to offer possible insight if it could help.

 

[[NoName]]

Have you tried budgeting? I know you don't want to look at your bank account but it might be better sooner than later.. especially if you have school/loans. Whatever the debt amount you might think it is, it will only get worse if you don't take a look now.
know it is hard and feels overwhelming, but if you are already concerned about how you spend now, you will be able to handle whatever debt you have.

Do you pay cash or card? You don't have to answer that.
But paying things via card makes it easy to lose track and not keep track of what you're spending.

After you figure out your budget, you could essentially pull out the allotted cash for that week or whatever and try your best to stick to spending only the cash at hand. Paying in cash will also help you visually see your money dwindling down and that may be enough of a mental trigger to help you limit your purchases. Sometimes a visual reminder is all you need to help.
I do think what's more important is not what you are buying, but why you are buying-- if it's helping you deal with stress and reward yourself or if you're buying it to make yourself feel bad it the greater question at hand.

I apologize if I sound preachy but had to tackle a multiple medical bills (over $40k) with no health insurance at the time (hooray USA!) that gave me panic attacks whenever I thought about it. I had a friend who helped me budget and gave me the same advice I've written here for you that has helped me immensely and I was able to clear that debt. Granted I also have student loan debt but that's never going to get paid off because Sallie Mae is a hoe. When it comes to finances it's only scary because the world is consumed by money-- but if you take it one step at a time, you won't get eaten up by it.


Also the way you describe buying things/food sounds & the guilt you have after sounds similar to what those who have suffered through eating disorders have endured.
I suffered with eating disorders (anorexia, purging, ednos,) most of my life and still have disordered eating / thinking now, but keep in mind that there is no such thing as good or bad food. (got down to 95 pounds-- something I'm still really proud of and should be but who cares about that now except me!)
There is better quality and lower quality food and that's it. I agree with sólstafir and changing what you are snacking on may help; the added guilt of "that was not healthy omgg... etc" isn't fun and being able to eat and not feel guilty is something remarkable I hear. Also better quality food will help you mentally and may help you deal with stress.

I should be honest and say I am in NO way practicing what I preach and I still go a few days without eating and tend to live off of energy drinks and cigarettes, buuuuut at times I'm most stressed, I have learned to eat when I have to.. and to eat higher quality foods when I have to eat.

And in regards to the eating, again, I apologize if it sounds preachy but having an eating disorder or disordered thinking towards eating is one mental prison I wish for no one. It's a slow and agonizing death but life is already slow and agonizing.. I dunno, I have always felt that the stronger ED thoughts of self worth/guilt/etc were always the most cruel.

Sorry again if this is preachy but just wanted to offer possible insight if it could help.

I've budgeted before, but since I became suicidal it's hard to control. I go throug this phase over and over:

Sad --> "i don't care and i want to eat!" --> care a lot and eat

I just need to figure out how to deal with that middle phase :/

Thanks for listening.

 

[[NoName]]

I'm also prone to somewhat impulse buys. Usually it's stuff I do want. The odd fast food snack, lottery tickets, postage stamps...as CTB nears, I have somewhat started to lose any sense of financial restraint. But don't worry anyone I'm not that bad, I'm not crazy.
But I totally feel OP. Having money can be so much fun.

Same here. Whenever I'm feeling impulsive I just think, "I might die soon so who cares?!"

Me right after I purchase it :/

Thanks for listening.

 

[NoOneKnows]

sorry to hear : ( Yes I kinda can relate, although not with food but cosmetics. Which is even worse, cuz Iive from disability payment, from which half of it goes to medical purposes, another half is for food. Lately I bought altogether 4 perfumes, that I used once or twice cuz I realized I dont like them that much. Which wouldnt be that bad, if I wouldnt know that buying it , I have no money for food for one week(literally) before my next payment. The guilt I feel afterwards and feeling sooo stupid. I never leave home,except doctors and supermarket, so I buy perfume to use it home, nice scent improve my mood, makes me feel i am somewhere else, and allow me to daydream. The worst part, it seems I didnt learn my lesson, I still haev this strong obsessive feeling to buy one that I finally like, so that I feel a bit better in this prison. I hate when this obsession feels like taking over me, didnt feel it for many years. I noticed I have this in periods of life when I again start with SSRI medication, wish i wouldnt have to take them, they create a different persona out of me

 

[Pegasus]

I do the same with weed and booze. The only way to cope with this world.

 

[Midnight]

I've blown pretty much all i had on companionship (and sex from time to time) and fuel to get there. 20k+ in 2 years. So yeah i'm not exactly working towards a future anymore. I still work so now i'm trying to make it so i just get by every month while still spending on stupid things.

Some people do drugs or alcohol .. i just want to be with someone. We all look for ways to cope a while longer until the inevitable.

Keeping my car in order has also taken a fair bit of money but i like working on it.

 

[Empty Smile]

I seem to have an impulse on buying things for a survival situation, which is odd because I plan to ctb.

I've always been a "living in the woods" fanatic, so I guess that's where it comes from.

I have probably close to $10,000 in survival items: freeze dried foods, portable solar panel, two tents(one 8 person and a 2 person tent), lighting, knives, traps, and the list continues.

Even though my days are closing in, I still look for new types of things. And then I see something cool, and even if I don't need it, I'll buy it. I'll probably buy something on the day I ctb, then never see it.

 

[Severen]

Just buy stuff from a store with a good return policy. :)

 

[azucaramargo]

I keep buying shit from a local gas station on impulse. I know I'll feel like shit after, but I keep going.

I used to (unknowingly) do "shop therapy" as a way of dealing with my emotions. Now that I know I still keep doing it. I just feel bad, want to feel better, do the only things I know to feel better (shop and eat junk food), know I won't feel better, and stay feeling like shit.

I'm too scared to look into my bank account because I've been doing this for months and I lost my job because I couldn't function like a normal human being for too long. I have college to pay for and soon loans as well. Half my life dedicated to getting an education, getting a good job, having a nice life, wasted on overpriced pop-tarts I'll feel guilty eating.

Why am I so fucking dumb.

Edit:

Just realized this isn't the correct forum to post this in. If a mod wants to move it or take it down I understand.

I'm with you, No Name. When I was in college, I went to a local support group for people with OCD. There was a compulsive shopper in there. I am someone who is irresponsible with money, impulsive, in-debt. I can relate to you. I have noticed something recently: the poorer I am at any given time the more ravenous I become: insatiable, in fact. When I'm flush, and everything's going well, who needs food? What makes you think you couldn't function like a normal human being for too long? (no judgement. I have no job, and a history of job hopping. I often feel like I'm unable to toe the line consistently as far as the workplace). You're not dumb. You're pretty smart, actually. I'm so curious about your work situation, if you don't mind. All I do all day is think about my ability to earn money; I would welcome the chance to hear from someone else with work difficulties.

 

[[NoName]]

I'm with you, No Name. When I was in college, I went to a local support group for people with OCD. There was a compulsive shopper in there. I am someone who is irresponsible with money, impulsive, in-debt. I can relate to you. I have noticed something recently: the poorer I am at any given time the more ravenous I become: insatiable, in fact. When I'm flush, and everything's going well, who needs food? What makes you think you couldn't function like a normal human being for too long? (no judgement. I have no job, and a history of job hopping. I often feel like I'm unable to toe the line consistently as far as the workplace). You're not dumb. You're pretty smart, actually. I'm so curious about your work situation, if you don't mind. All I do all day is think about my ability to earn money; I would welcome the chance to hear from someone else with work difficulties.

It was during a particularly low phase, I had had my first impulse to kill myself recently. I left work early without cleaning up. I worked in the morning, which are when I feel my worst. The idea of just entering the workplace itself made me cringe, I can't handle being around other people during a low phase, especially when I have to work. I feel like a caged animal, I've actually had to take multiple breaks at work and pace around to try and calm myself down.

Right now I'm just looking for jobs and going to apply. Hopefully I can land something soon.

Also, I am the same way when it comes to money. When I have a lot, I'm way more careful. But once it's running out I have impulsive moments because I already don't have enough, so why not spend the little I have to feel happy?

At least that's how I rationalize my impulses in the moment.

 

[azucaramargo]

N

It was during a particularly low phase, I had had my first impulse to kill myself recently. I left work early without cleaning up. I worked in the morning, which are when I feel my worst. The idea of just entering the workplace itself made me cringe, I can't handle being around other people during a low phase, especially when I have to work. I feel like a caged animal, I've actually had to take multiple breaks at work and pace around to try and calm myself down.

Right now I'm just looking for jobs and going to apply. Hopefully I can land something soon.

Also, I am the same way when it comes to money. When I have a lot, I'm way more careful. But once it's running out I have impulsive moments because I already don't have enough, so why not spend the little I have to feel happy?

At least that's how I rationalize my impulses in the moment.

NoName, I relate to EVERYTHING. YOU. WROTE. I, too, struggle with morning time. I, too, have had that same feeling about jobs I've had...I've stayed awake all night just dreading the next day. At my first job out of college, I got in trouble for not cleaning up my desk and for leaving an open container of Chinese food on my desk. My boss said, "Try to meet us halfway here!" By all rights, she should've fired me: I was late all the time, I stole people's food from the fridge, I ducked out of work all the time, I brought my dog to work. On and on. You don' t have to explain low phases to me, Baby. I know all about 'em. Actually, I was relieved to hear you refer to a low phase because I often try to explain these periods to people I know, and it seems they never know what the eff I'm talking about. You're in good company, NoName. I hope you find a better job soon. I hope I do, too. Wish we worked together. :) I love to feel understood! xoxo