Venting Impossible

[Flume]

I live in a small city, but even here probably thousands of people feel like shit. Even if I believed in healthcare where the fuck would I fit in, where is there any space for me at all.

It's impossible for me to get the help I want, it's Impossible to get my voice heard amongst all others. Even if I screamed out loud in the middle of the street that I plan to die. One... how many would listen, and two... how many would actually get what I was talking about and not think to themselves that I was some sort of a mad man.

I just wanted to connect to others... but I never had much to offer, and that's all people care about. What you can give, it can be emotional it can be materialistic it can be whatever as long as you are of value people around will stay. Well... I was never worth much, and for the past decade my suicidal thoughts have been tearing my soul out and now there's barely anything left of me at all.

It doesn't take long for people around me to realize that something is seriously wrong without me even saying anything, and when that point has been made clear... bye bye I'll fucking see you later.

Nothing matters... I could scream for help all day long, no one will ever see or want to help me anyway, getting heard is impossible.

 

[Brick In The Wall]

I live in a small city, but even here probably thousands of people feel like shit. Even if I believed in healthcare where the fuck would I fit in, where is there any space for me at all.

It's impossible for me to get the help I want, it's Impossible to get my voice heard amongst all others. Even if I screamed out loud in the middle of the street that I plan to die. One... how many would listen, and two... how many would actually get what I was talking about and not think to themselves that I was some sort of a mad man.

I just wanted to connect to others... but I never had much to offer, and that's all people care about. What you can give, it can be emotional it can be materialistic it can be whatever as long as you are of value people around will stay. Well... I was never worth much, and for the past decade my suicidal thoughts have been tearing my soul out and now there's barely anything left of me at all.

It doesn't take long for people around me to realize that something is seriously wrong without me even saying anything, and when that point has been made clear... bye bye I'll fucking see you later.

Nothing matters... I could scream for help all day long, no one will ever see or want to help me anyway, getting heard is impossible.

As cliche as it sounds I don't think there really is help for people like us. We have to help ourselves and find our own reasons for whatever we decide to do. Medical help or intervention is mostly a joke and I've never met someone that it actually worked for.

People can and do pick up on the subtle cues that broken people like us give off. That's why you have to be sociopathic in a way and try to hide them. Atleast if you're trying to build new friendships or relationships.

Time will erode away at who you are and your soul a bit. I think this is natural and it's a problem we all probably face. It's good to let out your frustrations with it though as you've done here.

You came to the right place to be heard though. We're here for you in the little ways that we can be.

 

[pole]

there are people out there that can you're pain, voices and screams for help. it's just difficult finding such people who even care cause there rare tbh. hope you find a great support system. rip juice.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

I understand because I too spent the first 18 years of my life in an unempathetic shithole town where I was always mocked and abused.
Is there an option of leaving? You'd be suprised at how different the mentality of people can be from town to town. There is also a better chance of you getting the help you need.