Impatience

[RitaM]

I really, really wanted tonight to be the night.

I thought about walking into the sea.

Then I thought very hard about crushing up all my lithium and tramadol, but I just can't guarantee that will work. And the effects would be brutal.

My plan is to use disposable barbecues in my car, but I have to book a campsite and buy a tent so it at least looks like I'm camping. That takes time and energy, and I so desperately want to go and I'm exhausted.

I also should get my affairs in order. I need to visit a solicitor to write a will so my abusive mother - my only surviving relative - doesn't get my house.

But the thought of living another day is too much to bear. If I only knew the lithium/tramadol combination would put me into an eternal sleep I would do it right now.

 

[shadow11]

I really, really wanted tonight to be the night.

I thought about walking into the sea.

Then I thought very hard about crushing up all my lithium and tramadol, but I just can't guarantee that will work. And the effects would be brutal.

My plan is to use disposable barbecues in my car, but I have to book a campsite and buy a tent so it at least looks like I'm camping. That takes time and energy, and I so desperately want to go and I'm exhausted.

I also should get my affairs in order. I need to visit a solicitor to write a will so my abusive mother - my only surviving relative - doesn't get my house.

But the thought of living another day is too much to bear. If I only knew the lithium/tramadol combination would put me into an eternal sleep I would do it right now.

Yes I have lots of pills I could take but from what I hear on here most overdoses dont work if they did I'd be gone by now

 

[RitaM]

I was just saying on another thread that my last suicide attempt, which was an OD, didn't work. And I don't think I could have been any more thorough with it. Twice the MLD of codeine, plus dihydrocodeine, zolpidem, diazepam, mirtazapine, beta blockers, anti emetics AND a plastic bag tied around my head. And I still woke up, two days later. I found all sorts of crazy stuff in crazy places, vomit in the sink, butter in the oven. I don't remember any of it.

The only thing I would OD on now is amitryptaline. I used to take it for depression. I remember my psychiatrist warning me, 'If you take a month's worth of this, you WILL die.' I wish I'd saved it.

 

[RitaM]

It feels such a relief to be able to talk openly about suicide. For so long I've kept it to myself for fear of being sectioned. I want to die and I'm going to die soon. That feels so good to be able to say.

 

[RoloTomasi]

I really, really wanted tonight to be the night.

I thought about walking into the sea.

Then I thought very hard about crushing up all my lithium and tramadol, but I just can't guarantee that will work. And the effects would be brutal.

My plan is to use disposable barbecues in my car, but I have to book a campsite and buy a tent so it at least looks like I'm camping. That takes time and energy, and I so desperately want to go and I'm exhausted.

I also should get my affairs in order. I need to visit a solicitor to write a will so my abusive mother - my only surviving relative - doesn't get my house.

But the thought of living another day is too much to bear. If I only knew the lithium/tramadol combination would put me into an eternal sleep I would do it right now.

Yes, am going through something like this too. The irony of still having to fight some more when there is not much fight left already.

 

[great-ape99]

Sodium nitrite

 

[Jacques]

I was just saying on another thread that my last suicide attempt, which was an OD, didn't work. And I don't think I could have been any more thorough with it. Twice the MLD of codeine, plus dihydrocodeine, zolpidem, diazepam, mirtazapine, beta blockers, anti emetics AND a plastic bag tied around my head. And I still woke up, two days later. I found all sorts of crazy stuff in crazy places, vomit in the sink, butter in the oven. I don't remember any of it.

The only thing I would OD on now is amitryptaline. I used to take it for depression. I remember my psychiatrist warning me, 'If you take a month's worth of this, you WILL die.' I wish I'd saved it.

I had the same experience using a mixture of amitryptaline and prescription anti depressants. I remember going to bed and waking up in hospital. Apperently I got hungry, walked to the local KFC, ordered a meal, took it to the table and when I sat down I passed out and fell over.

I wouldn't recommend OD even if you know it worked for someone else as everybody reacts differently. I know more people who have survived what they thought were lethal concoctions than of people who were successful.

PS My dad took an overdose of more than a month's worth of tablets (I don't remember how strong his prescription was) and all it did was make him sleep for like five days straight. Fortunately our family were around to care for him otherwise it would have been ugly. He left this cruel world a decade ago and my mum a few years later.

 

[Jacques]

I really, really wanted tonight to be the night.

I thought about walking into the sea.

Then I thought very hard about crushing up all my lithium and tramadol, but I just can't guarantee that will work. And the effects would be brutal.

My plan is to use disposable barbecues in my car, but I have to book a campsite and buy a tent so it at least looks like I'm camping. That takes time and energy, and I so desperately want to go and I'm exhausted.

I also should get my affairs in order. I need to visit a solicitor to write a will so my abusive mother - my only surviving relative - doesn't get my house.

But the thought of living another day is too much to bear. If I only knew the lithium/tramadol combination would put me into an eternal sleep I would do it right now.

I too will be using disposable bbq's in my car. However, I have chosen a remote spot at the end of a road in a forest. From Google Maps it appears there is nothing at the end of the track so it must only be used for firefighting purposes which means vry little chance of discovery and less panic/haste which might cause me to fail. I know you are low on time so it may be worth considering as it saves time of buying and erecting the tent, even if it may be a little further to drive.

 

[RitaM]

Are you in the U.K. Jaques? I don't know where to start trying to look for such a remote spot. I don't really want to do it on. A campsite, though. I'd rather go somewhere remote and leave coordinates to my car.

 

[RitaM]

I had the same experience using a mixture of amitryptaline and prescription anti depressants. I remember going to bed and waking up in hospital. Apperently I got hungry, walked to the local KFC, ordered a meal, took it to the table and when I sat down I passed out and fell over.

I wouldn't recommend OD even if you know it worked for someone else as everybody reacts differently. I know more people who have survived what they thought were lethal concoctions than of people who were successful.

PS My dad took an overdose of more than a month's worth of tablets (I don't remember how strong his prescription was) and all it did was make him sleep for like five days straight. Fortunately our family were around to care for him otherwise it would have been ugly. He left this cruel world a decade ago and my mum a few years later.

I must have tried to have something to eat, too. Afterwards, it took me about a week to find the butter. Eventually I found it in the oven. The entire contents of my bedside table were scattered around the house. I must have taken more pills at one point because there were a further two empty packets of beta blockers on the floor next to the bed. For weeks things kept showing up in unexpected places. It really doesn't surprise me you ended up in KFC.

 

[Jacques]

Are you in the U.K. Jaques? I don't know where to start trying to look for such a remote spot. I don't really want to do it on. A campsite, though. I'd rather go somewhere remote and leave coordinates to my car.

No I'm not in the UK. Just open Google Maps on your current location, then Zoom out until you see the nearest green patch open up. That will be a forest or nature reserve or such. Then zoom in and have a look if you see a road going nowhere. If there is nothing at the end you have a good spot. Good luck!