![RitaM](/data/avatars/l/2/2018.jpg?1570143570)
RitaM
Mountaineer
- Aug 26, 2018
- 146
I really, really wanted tonight to be the night.
I thought about walking into the sea.
Then I thought very hard about crushing up all my lithium and tramadol, but I just can't guarantee that will work. And the effects would be brutal.
My plan is to use disposable barbecues in my car, but I have to book a campsite and buy a tent so it at least looks like I'm camping. That takes time and energy, and I so desperately want to go and I'm exhausted.
I also should get my affairs in order. I need to visit a solicitor to write a will so my abusive mother - my only surviving relative - doesn't get my house.
But the thought of living another day is too much to bear. If I only knew the lithium/tramadol combination would put me into an eternal sleep I would do it right now.
I thought about walking into the sea.
Then I thought very hard about crushing up all my lithium and tramadol, but I just can't guarantee that will work. And the effects would be brutal.
My plan is to use disposable barbecues in my car, but I have to book a campsite and buy a tent so it at least looks like I'm camping. That takes time and energy, and I so desperately want to go and I'm exhausted.
I also should get my affairs in order. I need to visit a solicitor to write a will so my abusive mother - my only surviving relative - doesn't get my house.
But the thought of living another day is too much to bear. If I only knew the lithium/tramadol combination would put me into an eternal sleep I would do it right now.