Venting imagine not wanting to die, but still choosing suicide over a worse position

[DeutscheKartoffel]

I'm waiting on my political asylum,

I don't know what to think/what to feel.
I've been emotionally numb for numerous months now,

and once the asylum result comes back to me in a few months from now,
it'll determine my fate.

A lot of people say, "Can't wait for my ctb date", "I'm so excited"
What does a person even think to themselves otherwise, when they don't want to die but are backed into a corner?

I don't believe deliberate suicide is an intelligent decision if a person's actually have something to work with.

Suicide was and will remain my last resort.
Would I be happy if I end up on that trajectory?

I wanna laugh at myself for even ending up in such a difficult position.

And then I remember I'm a Chinese citizen.
"yeah mate, just a big mac, and a side of human rights, thanks? "

...

 

[http-410]

I can understand that one can feel backed into a corner to the point of suicide for political or social reasons. I don't think it's that far-fetched or rare. There was a user @KleinerWolf whose main reasons for getting into suicide stuff was also (mainly) their Chinese citizenship. However, they seem to have found their way back to life.

Would you like to explain in more detail exactly what those reasons are for you? Of course, only if you want to and if you don't get into trouble for it. At least for me, I get little (credible) knowledge about China or its residents, so I would be interested to learn why you are seeking political asylum and what exactly makes being a Chinese citizen unbearable (if that is what is burdening you)?

 

[Elri]

Story of my life

 

[Illcryaboutitlater]

I just made a post about all the what ifs

I don't believe deliberate suicide is an intelligent decision if a person's actually have something to work with.

Sometimes i feel the " something to work with " part is subjective though, everyone has different capabilities, my thing may seem like something to work with easily for others where as i can't even. I could read a post and judge that person as well and say " thats nothing you should seek recovery" but it could be completely destroy the person.

 

[dvyoung444]

I have a problem with "that" will determine my fate. "You" should be the one to determine your fate. "That" is just another thing in the unrelentless number of things that have or are going to befall you. And you should always be laughing at yourself, no matter what position you end up in.

 

[miserableforever]

I'm waiting on my political asylum,

I don't know what to think/what to feel.
I've been emotionally numb for numerous months now,

and once the asylum result comes back to me in a few months from now,
it'll determine my fate.

A lot of people say, "Can't wait for my ctb date", "I'm so excited"
What does a person even think to themselves otherwise, when they don't want to die but are backed into a corner?

I don't believe deliberate suicide is an intelligent decision if a person's actually have something to work with.

Suicide was and will remain my last resort.
Would I be happy if I end up on that trajectory?

I wanna laugh at myself for even ending up in such a difficult position.

And then I remember I'm a Chinese citizen.
"yeah mate, just a big mac, and a side of human rights, thanks? "

...

Trust me, I feel your pain. I'm in a position where I can't even claim asylum. Stuck with 2 daughters, can't work regular jobs, don't have insurance. Sitting here with 2 university honor degrees and lost savings after a divorce. Now the salty non-bio father is going after my little girls cause he makes more money than me.
Life is nothing but anxiety.

My heart goes out to you. It's so tough. Hopefully you'll get your situation handled in your favor.

I just made a post about all the what ifs

Sometimes i feel the " something to work with " part is subjective though, everyone has different capabilities, my thing may seem like something to work with easily for others where as i can't even. I could read a post and judge that person as well and say " thats nothing you should seek recovery" but it could be completely destroy the person.

After all, the way life feels is perception and everyone 'works' with different skills and drawbacks.

 

[DeutscheKartoffel]

I can understand that one can feel backed into a corner to the point of suicide for political or social reasons. I don't think it's that far-fetched or rare. There was a user @KleinerWolf whose main reasons for getting into suicide stuff was also (mainly) their Chinese citizenship. However, they seem to have found their way back to life.

Would you like to explain in more detail exactly what those reasons are for you? Of course, only if you want to and if you don't get into trouble for it. At least for me, I get little (credible) knowledge about China or its residents, so I would be interested to learn why you are seeking political asylum and what exactly makes being a Chinese citizen unbearable (if that is what is burdening you)?

That's me.
Been meaning to return to site,
but was unable to retrieve my original account,
hence this new account.

I assume you have come across my "China mandatory anal swab for covid" posts in the past? I can send you a link to that if u haven't.

It's mostly concerning human rights.
China is great except for the tyranny, censorship, human rights abuse.

I have a problem with "that" will determine my fate. "You" should be the one to determine your fate. "That" is just another thing in the unrelentless number of things that have or are going to befall you. And you should always be laughing at yourself, no matter what position you end up in.

You are not wrong,

I just think it's tragic people would prefer suicide over the condition they would be living.
It must have fallen far below what is acceptable for them.

Life is not perfect,
but no one wants to suffer.