Imagine being so much of a fuckup that even on a suicide forum, you’re not good enough.

[Sans]

I don't have to imagine.

This is the one place I go when I'm feeling down, because it brings me a bit of comfort knowing that one day I won't have to suffer anymore. And yet, even here I don't even feel welcome anymore. I don't want to name names because I don't want to make anyone feel bad, but sometimes this place just gives me more incentive to CTB (though that's not necessarily a bad thing). I've seen people here talking about how flat their chests are and how skinny they are and then there's me, I've been on a workout and diet routine for about 13 months and I've lost a considerable amount of weight I'm still noticeably not slim. And then there's people with just as many posts as I have, if not less, yet their reaction scores are five times as high. Why can't that be me? What am I doing wrong? Maybe I'm just letting a number determine my self worth, but it's not like there's any other redeeming qualities that I have.

FUCK!

 

[RowdyH999]

Fuck what anyone thinks that doesn't know you. Their opinion is invalid. All we can do is live this crap one day at a time for now until our ticket gets punched brother. You do you

 

[Ame]

I'm sorry that you don't feel welcome in a place where you expected to be able to find comfort. It isn't uncommon to find despair when comparing ourselves to others and it's true that it isn't a habit that is easily altered to serve you better. Perhaps it would be more constructive to compare you to your past selves? For example, it seems like you've made major gains in nutrition and health. Sticking to a workout and diet routine for 13 months isn't something that many people can manage - I hope that you can feel proud of the progress you've made. Regarding the post to reaction score ratios, please do take them with a grain of salt because they are almost never indicative of the quality of a user's posts. My own reaction score is horribly inflated because I spend time in the General Chat room. For some weird reason, reactions given there are included in the tally (I wish that this was disabled to be honest). I hope that you can be gentle with you and treat yourself well. This is your own journey after all and you are the only one who decides how to proceed.

 

[booray]

Sorry, but the last thing you should be concerned about on a suicide forum is your reaction scores. Just saying...

 

[RowdyH999]

Also people that put someone down because they may not do something as good as they can, those are the worst people in society. We are all in this together. Props for your personal growth.

 

[booray]

Sorry, but the last thing you should be concerned about on a suicide forum is your reaction scores. Just saying...

I gave you a hug to up your reaction score a bit.

 

[lofticries]

Don't feel like that. Everyone here is going through a different battle in life. But we're all pretty much here for the same reason.

Be proud of what you achieved in 13 months. Appreciate the fruits of your labor. Don't compare yourself to others because you are your own person with your own circumstances.:)

Also the reaction functions are put here to let others know how we feel about their posts and nothing more. There are no popularity contests here. I believe we've all had enough of those outside this forum.

 

[Cronetappingout]

The only person you need to be better than is the person YOU were yesterday.
Good job on the working out, I have put on a bunch of weight since march 2020. None of my clothes fit right. And it doesnt matter. It will come off when I am feeling better.
Hugs

 

[summers]

I don't have to imagine.

This is the one place I go when I'm feeling down, because it brings me a bit of comfort knowing that one day I won't have to suffer anymore. And yet, even here I don't even feel welcome anymore. I don't want to name names because I don't want to make anyone feel bad, but sometimes this place just gives me more incentive to CTB (though that's not necessarily a bad thing). I've seen people here talking about how flat their chests are and how skinny they are and then there's me, I've been on a workout and diet routine for about 13 months and I've lost a considerable amount of weight I'm still noticeably not slim. And then there's people with just as many posts as I have, if not less, yet their reaction scores are five times as high. Why can't that be me? What am I doing wrong? Maybe I'm just letting a number determine my self worth, but it's not like there's any other redeeming qualities that I have.

FUCK!

Fuck what other people say. You are putting in an effort and making progress. That's all that matters. PM me if you want to be long-distance workout buddies. Even if we're not on the same schedule, it's always good to have support.

Also, screw the reaction score. It's just a system that's very easy to gain. You can go through every one of my posts, and like them -> easy +600.

Edit: your reaction score is over 3x your post count. Mine is less than that. Look at is as a ratio, that really doesn't matter.

 

[StringPuppet]

I don't pay attention to reaction scores, the avi + font you use are cool and much more noticeable to me

 

[muffin222]

I'm really sorry you're hurting and struggling like this. However, as harsh as this may sound, people on here aren't responsible for your self-worth and your self-image. You can't place your self-worth in the hands of strangers online- it will only lead you to more frustration and pain. I've been there myself.

You're not doing anything wrong- you're just placing your "eggs" in the wrong baskets. If the site is causing more distress for you than it is relief, I'd highly recommend taking a short break from it. I do that from time to time, as do many others. Don't give your power away to the people on this forum It's not worth it.

Also, the users with low post counts and large reaction scores typically post a lot in the chat and send a lot of private messages. The reactions from PMs and chat messages can add up quickly. So, the reaction score doesn't actually hold much meaning.

 

[GenesAndEnvironment]

And then there's people with just as many posts as I have, if not less, yet their reaction scores are five times as high.

I know that feel, I know it too well.

 

[WatermelonMel]

Well, you got more reaction score than me :)
Also, never judge yourself from the virtual numbers assigned to you, they are meaningless things that change a lot.

 

[Marktheghost]

Your reaction score averages out at well over 3 per message posted. That's way better than mine! I think an average of 1 per message is a good average.

 

[Amumu]

And then there's people with just as many posts as I have, if not less, yet their reaction scores are five times as high.

Keep a secret : use the chat bro

 

[Neowise]

Maybe I'm just letting a number determine my self worth

Yep, that's what you are doing. But don't worry, everyone does that from time to time. The reaction score is just a fun gimmick here and has absolutely no real point. People who write more supportive posts may get more reactions than people writing down their personal opinion about a topic, but that doesn't mean that one is more worth than the other

I've seen people here talking about how flat their chests are and how skinny they are and then there's me, I've been on a workout and diet routine for about 13 months and I've lost a considerable amount of weight I'm still noticeably not slim.

You shouldn't take offense by the traits of others. There will always be people that are skinnier or thicker than you, but it doesn't mean that they are making fun of you personally when they say they are skinny. I think you are taking irrelevant posts of others too personal. You said that you lost a considerable amount of weight by strict workout and diet and went through it for 13 entire months. Most people don't make it through 2 weeks before giving up, you can be proud of your achievement!

Ignore the few idiots that say stupid things to you, most of us are glad to have you here and of course you are "good enough" for our suicide forum

 

[Mentalmick]

Don't spend a second thought thinking about your reaction score. Mine is crap as well. Who cares, just go with the flow.

 

[Sprite_Geist]

And then there's people with just as many posts as I have, if not less, yet their reaction scores are five times as high. Why can't that be me? What am I doing wrong? Maybe I'm just letting a number determine my self worth, but it's not like there's any other redeeming qualities that I have.

FUCK!

Please do not let pixels on a screen determine your self-worth. The reaction score(s) on this forum are arbitrary and not always a measurement of how good the content is that you post. It is similar to the reaction systems on social media platforms, because just like on social media it is sometimes (but not always) the posts that are populist which receive the most attention. However: a persons popularity level is not the only indication of whether or not they are a "good" or "likeable" individual - there are other factors too.

 

[Symbiote]

I think I fuck up often on a suicide forum and on any community I ever been in, but not as much like I do in real life. Where fuckups have consequences that are long-term and detrimental to my health. Online fuck-ups, not so much, I'll catch a ban here and there, get blasted on social media, and then move on. I think you're in good company though, everyone here is a fuck-up in some way, we're all equal in reputation, and we're all suicidal to some degree. Comparing yourself with others is an absolute nightmare especially when you can't help it. Don't let comparison weigh you down, because things like body image can change really quick.