Venting I'm undesirable.

[WiltedSoul]

I'm in a lot of communities for NEETs and miserable people in general because I'm desperate for human interaction, but can't stand normal/well adjusted people. Males tend to outnumber females by far.

And men complain about how women don't want them because they're ugly, short, not confident, poor, whatever, and they're going to die alone because of it, all of that jazz. Whenever I used to see this, I'd immediately think "that's not true" because, you know, it's probably really not.

But then I realized they think this way because they don't consider unattractive or otherwise flawed women at all. When they say "woman", they seem to really mean "sexually attractive woman" or "well adjusted woman". Other women don't count. They're not relevant, not valuable enough to factor into the equation at all.

And it just.. hurts to read? A lot of my false hope stems from the idea that I'm not all that bad looking and I could salvage my life somewhat if I just worked on my appearance, but I'm 21. I don't have much "young" left and it'd probably take at least a year to fix myself (physically; mentally would take even longer..) and then what? I'm thirty? What's even the point, then?

These are not stereotypical angry incels or anything like that. People have been nothing but kind to me for the most part and I've never been the target of any hostility at all. I don't resent any of them. Just sucks being unable to fool myself now. I won't be able to ctb for a few months and idk how I'm going to cope until then.

 

[Cathy Ames]

But then I realized they think this way because they don't consider unattractive or otherwise flawed women at all. When they say "woman", they seem to really mean "sexually attractive woman" or "well adjusted woman". Other women don't count. They're not relevant, not valuable enough to factor into the equation at all.

And it just.. hurts to read? A lot of my false hope stems from the idea that I'm not all that bad looking and I could salvage my life somewhat if I just worked on my appearance

Okay, so you had me in your corner up to here, but then you said this:

, but I'm 21. I don't have much "young" left and it'd probably take at least a year to fix myself (physically; mentally would take even longer..) and then what? I'm thirty? What's even the point, then?

Dang, girl! Ouch. So women over thirty don't count? Aren't you kinda doing the same thing as what you were complaining about?

Leaving that aside, what is your goal here? Children? Thirty years old isn't too old to have children.

 

[WiltedSoul]

Oh no, I'm not saying they don't count. I'm moreso saying that they don't seem to count to a lot of men, or at least not nearly as much, and that feels pretty awful because if I were to recover, my life would basically have to begin in my 30s. I've never had a friend in real life, let alone any kind of romantic relationship, and I'm uneducated, useless, the whole shebang.

I unfortunately don't have anything to offer anyone except being attractive for awhile. I used to have interests at the very least, but over time I've deteriorated and so now I'm beyond dull. No shared life experiences to discuss with anyone, since even in my childhood nothing was normal, and no common interests to bond over.

I don't have a goal. I'm going to ctb as soon as I can, but if I did have a goal, it'd be to seek some kind of transactional relationship with a man because as unhealthy as this might be, I'm too screwed up to form friendships and I'm so isolated I don't care if the affection is real or not. He could be morbidly obese, live with his parents, smell of onions and cheat on me every chance he got. Don't care.

In a different reality the goal would be to have children .etc., but I never lived in that reality.

 

[wereqryan]

Are you a femcel?

 

[Cathy Ames]

Oh no, I'm not saying they don't count. I'm moreso saying that they don't seem to count to a lot of men, or at least not nearly as much, and that feels pretty awful because if I were to recover, my life would basically have to begin in my 30s.

Okay, yeah. Now I see what you meant. Sorta. I think if you wanted to give it a shot, you've got more potentially "good" years ahead of you than that. I will shut up now, because anything else I would say at this time of day would sound cynical, and I don't think that would help you. Or me, for that matter. LOL.

 

[motel rooms]

Not really. I'm not some misandrist, it's not that personal. I don't genuinely hate anyone, especially if they're suffering, but it's just so draining to constantly hear about the things men in similar situations say. I'm in a lot of communities for NEETs and miserable people in general because I'm desperate for human interaction, but can't stand normal/well adjusted people. Males tend to outnumber females by far.

You really should have picked a better title for your thread. It would be so fucking disturbing if a guy started a thread titled "I Hate Women".

There are guys on here who were or are still being abused by their messed-up man-hating mothers or other female authority figures.

 

[WiltedSoul]

Are you a femcel?

Idk.

Okay, yeah. Now I see what you meant. Sorta. I think if you wanted to give it a shot, you've got more potentially "good" years ahead of you than that. I will shut up now, because anything else I would say at this time of day would sound cynical, and I don't think that would help you. Or me, for that matter. LOL.

I think a lot of women in their 30s (& 50s as well, to be honest) are badass and I think many of them are also desirable to men regardless of their age, but I don't have confidence or any of the other myriad things going for them, you know?.Thank you for your support, though. You seem like such a sweet person.

You really should have picked a better title for your thread. It would be so fucking disturbing if a guy started a thread titled "I Hate Women".

There are guys on here who were or are still being abused by their messed-up man-hating mothers or other female authority figures.

I agree with you and in retrospect I'm not sure what I was thinking, if anything at all (very brain dead). I might have just been more focused on the paragraphs than anything else and absent-mindedly did the title. I didn't want to hurt anyone or remind them of their abuse.

I'm sorry to anyone that's read the title and been upset by it.

 

[sharky]

You don't have much young left? You're 21. you have a lot of that left. All of your 20s and people in their 30s should still be considered young. But 20s are the best.

 

[ineedrope]

I don't understand why people say stuff like 21 is not young. How did you go from "it'll take a year to fix myself" then fast forward to 30? Why do you want to ctb?

 

[motel rooms]

I don't understand why people say stuff like 21 is not young.

You can be chronologically young but feel really tired & old. I assume that's what OP's talking about.

 

[WiltedSoul]

I don't understand why people say stuff like 21 is not young. How did you go from "it'll take a year to fix myself" then fast forward to 30? Why do you want to ctb?

I explain in these threads, if you want to read them. You don't have to, of course. The gist is that my life up to this point has never been normal in any way and I don't feel like I can climb the mountain to overcome the things have happened/are happening to me.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/waiting-for-a-nonexistent-savior-ruined-my-life.84567/

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/i-dont-want-to-die.86232/

You can be chronologically young but feel really tired & old. I assume that's what OP's talking about.

Yes, this. I also have a screwed up perception of time because I do a whole lot of nothing for years on end. There are not many milestones or memorable events (other than trauma) to mark the passage of time, so it feels like yesterday I was a toddler and it feels like tomorrow I'll be thirty, on top of already feeling pretty fucking geriatric now.

I'm all over the place, sorry. Not very good at conveying my thoughts these days, so some of my ramblings won't always make complete sense. I'm getting progressively stupider as time goes on and things are real foggy, heh.

 

[Pluto]

Sorry to hear you are feeling this way. In a way, we are as attractive as we feel. Raw confidence (not to be confused with any sort of intellectual or creative accomplishment) makes up a substantial proportion of what makes someone 'sexy'. Conversely, even the great Nikola Tesla resorted to falling in love with a pigeon. True story. In theory, therefore, the advice normally given is along the lines of 'fake it 'til you make it'.

However, there are on average major differences between the roles of genders worth mentioning. Men are normally expected to initiate contact and navigate the immense complexities of arousing interest in a woman, despite inevitably failing if they assume that the prospective partner thinks or reasons in a remotely similar manner to themselves. Hence there would be a lot to learn and a need to research and practice incessantly.

Most women tend to describe the opposite problem, i.e. having men chase them to the extent of viewing them as pests or predators (which, in some cases, they undoubtedly are). However, I can see that a woman could experience a similar kind of loneliness by being in the habit of pushing others away or struggling to connect due to autism, PTSD, etc. And it sucks that there's no understanding or sympathy for those of us who don't fit normal molds; this is why I almost always try to avoid using gender-specific references; we are all people wishing to be loved!

It sounds like you would benefit enormously from some mentoring and support, particularly if you've experienced abuse. Sometimes we need the experience of others to shed light on our situations.

On the relationship front, there are millions upon millions of men, some of whom are really decent, capable of fully supporting a woman, only wishing for someone loyal, who currently would only lack a means for connecting with you. You are analogous to a suitcase with a million dollars cash, hidden beneath some floorboards and then protesting that nobody wants her. As you find yourself, you will naturally set higher standards, too.

 

[Feeding Pigeons]

You can be chronologically young but feel really tired & old. I assume that's what OP's talking about.

God damn right you can.

 

[Foresight]

You have plenty of years when you're 21.

Just remember men at 21 have different priorities. 20 somethings on the internet who are sad they can't get models probably aren't the best people to hang around if you feel this way. It just doesn't translate to the reality of in person chemistry.

I have a facial disfigurement and men never hit on me from the jump, but I've had men get flirtatious when they get to know me. Develop your character and focus on you. The reality of dating is much kinder than the distorted thoughts that seep onto forums would make you feel. I know this as a hideous married woman. I've too spent too much time trying to figure out if I would ever be desired again. My only regret is not spending more time focused on me than the thoughts of all men.

 

[Cathy Ames]

I am very glad to see that you changed the title of this post, btw! It was bugging me even from the point of view that it wasn't accurate to your actual topic. I'm ashamed to say I wasn't even thinking about the issue that @motel rooms pointed out, and I'm really glad that he said something!

 

[callme]

Ssme as you but an angry "incel" and 26. Do it now, because the feeling of old doesn't stop. As a consequence my entire life is living in the past culturally. All I do is old music and sleep.

I siincerely hope you don't go my way and physically age really fast too.

 

[NothingElseMatters]

You have a lot of time to work on this. I've had a crush on a lot of women over 40 years old when i was on my 20's. Older women can be attractive too, sometimes more than the young ladies.

 

[Superdeterminist]

I definitely relate to that agonising worry over fading youth. Aging is one of the biggest motivators for my desire to ctb, and I wish I could remain young forever. Regarding the worries of being too ugly, short, not confident, or poor, I would argue that these are actually valid concerns, because everyone DOES judge others on these factors, whether they want to admit it or not. Which is horrible, but yeah we all know by now that the world is a horrible place.

Yes, when people get attention from others who they deem unattractive, they don't value that attention. It's really awful. Everyone seems to be chasing the 'attractive' people, but only SOME of us get to be attractive, that's honestly how it seems to me. Sometimes I see refreshing examples that break this mould, but it honestly seems like a rare exception. I hate this entire game of attraction, where it appears that few win and many lose.