I'm ugly

[Cashewmilk]

I've been thinking about the people who want to ctb because of their looks. It got me thinking sometimes... for me personally, right now and for the past 10 years, I stopped caring about my looks, I honestly don't care anymore and I don't even try to look good. I have no desire for it or to attract anyone. I'm actually so glad I'm average, I would hate to be a sex object.

But there was a time when I was a young kid where I cared a lot. My mom also had a lot to do with it, she kept talking about how we have to be pretty and flawless, she got angry when I got scars or sunburns, she pointed my nose with her fingers with lotion, as if to help mold it. When I was a baby and a young child I was really cute and pretty, it seemed like I was going to turn out great! But then slowly my ugliness started to rear itself, the dark bags, hairy discolored skin, my nose suddenly started rising and growing off my face, I was born with a completely flat nose and it was shocking. My eyebrow bone was protruding, I was super skinny. Then puberty came and it was really rough, I got teased for being ugly sometimes, tbf I'm average, but kids are really mean lol. Puberty destroyed my looks and my mental health.

I remember being in 8th grade going to highschool and I was feeling really terrible about turning out really ugly, it seemed to be the only thing that mattered to me, my friends were beautiful and my sister was gorgeous. Then suddenly one day I wore some eyeliner and voila! Like magic, I even remember saying to myself "oh thank god I'm pretty I can just wear eyeliner!" LOL. Ahh how sad. It worked though, makeup works wonders but I could never leave without it.

I spent almost 10 years wearing makeup constantly, waxing my face, eyebrows etc... dealing with acne. I was always worried about my looks and I was devastated to learn I was not photogenic at all! It was mortifying I don't even know why! Nowadays I absolutely don't care, but it's funny to think about sometimes. When I was a baby and a small child, you would never know it was me, I look completely different. There are women who look very similar to their childhood selves. I'm like that kid from Home Alone haha! I shouldn't have been surprised I look exactly like my dad and he has all those features that only men should have lol. I'm a wonderful candidate for a nose job that's for sure. Even my mom was like "I don't know what happened to your nose, but when you make money you can pay for your own nose job". Bitch. Lol... thank goodness I never got a nose job!

Anyway I just wanted to share my thoughts... it's just so refreshing and wonderful that I don't give a crap anymore! I'm finally matured and at peace with my appearance. I really hope other people can someday find that, it takes a lot of emotional rebooting to let go of it, and a lot of soul searching. There are millions of average or ugly people who are very happy and confident.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

My appearance is definitely a factor in me wanting to CTB. I hate the way I look, and I hate that there is nothing to make up for it. No great personality, intelligence, skill, humor or anything, everything about me is just bad with no exceptions.

 

[Cashewmilk]

My appearance is definitely a factor in me wanting to CTB. I hate the way I look, and I hate that there is nothing to make up for it. No great personality, intelligence, skill, humor or anything, everything about me is just bad with no exceptions.

I doubt it but I will respect how you feel. I don't know if it has anything to do with age, but do you ever see those women who still have mullets from the 80s? After a certain point you just stop caring... it's easier for some than others. For me I think it was enlightenment, and thinking differently about the world, observing other cultures and people in history. I'm a bit of a nerd I guess. Believe me I desperately wanted to be beautiful and popular when I was younger so I totally know how you feel. I thought of suicide when I was 10 because I could see that I wasn't beautiful at all and I didn't know if this is what I wanted. I feel like I got duped, like I was expecting something better, as if I had a previous life or a preview of life, and I should have won the lottery for beauty, but I didn't and I was really pissed. It didn't help that I was bombarded with images of beautiful people on tv and magazines, my perception of beauty has changed too over the years. People who I used to think were beautiful are just average to me now and vice-versa. I don't think anyone is ugly, I think everyone is unique... it's part of my people watching habit... like animals. I don't think any animal is ugly, and I view people the same way. I'm more into the personality and the energy they give off, beautiful people with ugly personalities don't impress me - but I'll admit they're beautiful but it's a shame, they're only good for photos lol.... average people with warm personalities and empathy and caring are more important to me anyway, I'm not into sexual desire anymore I'm asexual now.

 

[ocd is bad]

It's good that you accept the way you look. I don't think I'm 100% awful looking but I'd say I'm below average, and it used to bother me a lot. When I was in high school I hated it because everyone was getting into relationships and I didn't really understand what was so wrong with me, I knew I wasn't great looking but still. After a while I came to terms with it, I can't change my face and whatever happens because of my ugliness is ok. It does bother me though in tv shows/movies/music when there's nice looking people and others treat them like a god on earth just because they got lucky when they were born.

 

[Pryras]

I'm proud you were able to accept your appearance after being so self conscious in the past. I know how it feels since I developed Body Dysmorphic Disorder in my early teens that I currently struggle with to this day.

Accepting how you look and making peace without feeling the need to change or "fix" anything is a huge step forward!

I try to remind myself that I'm unconventional and that doesn't equate to being unattractive. Yes, I've been called names and made fun of. I've been called unattractive to my face. I've also turned a few heads walking so I know I'm not everyone's ideal image of beauty. It's important to stand tall regardless and a beautiful personality goes a long way.

 

[red_pen]

i've kind of given up on being "pretty" too. these days i just keep myself clean/neat/ensure that if anyone does complain about me it's over something petty like...my fashion taste.

if i had the money tho, i'll admit i'd take up skin-care and hair care beyond cheap shampoo + conditioner...like even if i can't improve my facial structure i could at least wear clothes that make me feel cute when i look down & have smooth skin...

 

[mathieu]

I hope I get to the point where I don't care anymore. At the moment my looks really hold me back in the dating game.

 

[lonelyhouse]

I gained 80 pounds when I began taking antipsychotics many many years ago. It's really fucked with my self-image. I hate my body and the way I look. I hate my double chin. I hate everything about myself.

 

[Philosykos]

I wish I could stop caring about my looks, but I just can't. I try to 'take care of myself' to at least have most of the things I do have control over look good enough as not to draw negative attention. I have good skin and watch my diet and exercise, mostly because all the things I don't have control over (i.e. genetic weirdness) have not turned out so great for me. I kind of like my eyes and lips but that's about it.

I just find it very sad that people's looks play such a huge role in how they're treated by others and this isn't getting better in this world, only worse. An obsession with one's looks and hyper perfection is advertised hard on social media; the amount of severely disordered eating advertised on platforms such as Youtube, TikTok and Instagram is frightening and worst of all, it's being made mainstream. Plastic surgery is on the rise and it's not even like it's hushed up anymore; take someone like Bella Hadid, who is open about her plastic surgery. She was an average, girl-next-door type but after making herself into a Carla Bruni clone, her life turned around and she could suddenly become a topmodel. What kind of message does this send? Even average looking is on its way out and the sheer amount of assumptions made when someone doesn't have perfect skin, hair, a stick thin, 'toned' physique is staggering. I know not everyone is thinking like this, but it makes me worry about the current young generation; there's twelve year olds on social media who see this stuff and start starving themselves and get convinced there's no worth to them but their looks.

 

[Cashewmilk]

I wish I could stop caring about my looks, but I just can't. I try to 'take care of myself' to at least have most of the things I do have control over look good enough as not to draw negative attention. I have good skin and watch my diet and exercise, mostly because all the things I don't have control over (i.e. genetic weirdness) have not turned out so great for me. I kind of like my eyes and lips but that's about it.

I just find it very sad that people's looks play such a huge role in how they're treated by others and this isn't getting better in this world, only worse. An obsession with one's looks and hyper perfection is advertised hard on social media; the amount of severely disordered eating advertised on platforms such as Youtube, TikTok and Instagram is frightening and worst of all, it's being made mainstream. Plastic surgery is on the rise and it's not even like it's hushed up anymore; take someone like Bella Hadid, who is open about her plastic surgery. She was an average, girl-next-door type but after making herself into a Carla Bruni clone, her life turned around and she could suddenly become a topmodel. What kind of message does this send? Even average looking is on its way out and the sheer amount of assumptions made when someone doesn't have perfect skin, hair, a stick thin, 'toned' physique is staggering. I know not everyone is thinking like this, but it makes me worry about the current young generation; there's twelve year olds on social media who see this stuff and start starving themselves and get convinced there's no worth to them but their looks.

I agree. I'm 32 and the beauty standards have changed heavily throughout my life. When I was a teenager in the early 2000s, the only body type accepted by western standards was stick thin, and thin eyebrows, and a pretty symmetrical face. I'm so glad things have changed since then. If you look at movies or music videos from 00 to 05 you'll notice the women are extremely skinny. I remember the first rap music video where I saw a real woman! She was a woman with curves and fat pouch on her stomach and she was beautiful. I was like "finally!!", because the stick thin figure was impossible to maintain and the majority of women didn't have a flat stomach, the standards started to change. Then Kim Kardashian and Jennifer Lopez/Beyonce etc completely rewrote beauty standards.

There is two parts: face and body. The body standards have changed for the better, but the facial standards are insane. I miss the days of the natural beauty, just enhanced with a little makeup. Now it's a drag queen show. That's another point, the modeling industry is run by mostly gay men. Gay men are attracted to men. That's why you see models who are super tall and stick thin with no boobs or butt, because that's more similar to a man's physique. So now the drag makeup is taking center, thanks to gay makeup artists. No offense to gay men (I'm accepting of all people), I'm just pointing out where it mostly comes from. It's just a conventional generalization, there are obviously other types like buff, muscular, curvy, slender etc. I don't keep up with fashion standards but I can see the Kardashians really made an impression on women today, and it is still going on to this day.

I feel like people have taken more charge now over what they want because of social media. It's no longer about what some modeling agency wants or movie stars depict. There is a whole mixture of types now, and the new norm of plastic surgery and a lot of makeup. When I look at most women who wear tons of makeup, they look like drag queens to me, but to them it's completely normal and beautiful. Things are both getting worse and better. Nowadays the "no makeup" natural look is more accepted. When I was younger, if you were not beautiful without makeup you wouldn't dare show your natural face. Nowadays more women are being represented, all races and face types, because of social media, more women are online and have a voice and an opinion. But social media is also detrimental too. I look at it from many perspectives.

I'm proud you were able to accept your appearance after being so self conscious in the past. I know how it feels since I developed Body Dysmorphic Disorder in my early teens that I currently struggle with to this day.

Accepting how you look and making peace without feeling the need to change or "fix" anything is a huge step forward!

I try to remind myself that I'm unconventional and that doesn't equate to being unattractive. Yes, I've been called names and made fun of. I've been called unattractive to my face. I've also turned a few heads walking so I know I'm not everyone's ideal image of beauty. It's important to stand tall regardless and a beautiful personality goes a long way.

Exactly. That's one of the things I learned in my time in the sex industry. There will always be people who think you're gorgeous. I was shocked when I saw unconventional or even ugly looking girls (I'm talking Quagmire looking face lol), and men would be like "I was blown away by her beauty". I realized that not everyone shares my tastes, literally everyone has their own standard or what attracts them. Also, men really care more about body than face. I learned that the hard way in highschool, I was too concerned with my face I completely forgot that my body was extremely unattractive during puberty, I always had a flat chest and big stomach. When I was 25 I finally finished growing into my female body, before that I was a hot mess it was very embarrassing. I also remember going right up to a guy's face, we were acquaintances and were playing around, and he came super close to my face, and he was like "eww you're so ugly!" LOL and my girl friends were like "stop that's so mean". Now he's married and his wife isn't much to look at in my opinion, and he himself turned out below average after hitting puberty, so he clearly had a very different view of beauty. Since then I've had hundreds of men close up to my face and they think it's beautiful, I've even had guys who loved my nose! Lol, my nose that would be a rhinoplasty dream, I had men who said it was perfect. I was so shocked I didn't know what to think!

 

[AnxietyAttack44]

I dont think you or anyone should worry about your looks. Or ctb cuz of it. People dont really care anyway, long term. Thats my personal opinion.

 

[Cashewmilk]

I hope I get to the point where I don't care anymore. At the moment my looks really hold me back in the dating game.

There are people out there who will find you attractive, trust me.

 

[Philosykos]

I agree. I'm 32 and the beauty standards have changed heavily throughout my life. When I was a teenager in the early 2000s, the only body type accepted by western standards was stick thin, and thin eyebrows, and a pretty symmetrical face. I'm so glad things have changed since then. If you look at movies or music videos from 00 to 05 you'll notice the women are extremely skinny. I remember the first rap music video where I saw a real woman! She was a woman with curves and fat pouch on her stomach and she was beautiful. I was like "finally!!", because the stick thin figure was impossible to maintain and the majority of women didn't have a flat stomach, the standards started to change. Then Kim Kardashian and Jennifer Lopez/Beyonce etc completely rewrote beauty standards.

There is two parts: face and body. The body standards have changed for the better, but the facial standards are insane. I miss the days of the natural beauty, just enhanced with a little makeup. Now it's a drag queen show. That's another point, the modeling industry is run by mostly gay men. Gay men are attracted to men. That's why you see models who are super tall and stick thin with no boobs or butt, because that's more similar to a man's physique. So now the drag makeup is taking center, thanks to gay makeup artists. No offense to gay men (I'm accepting of all people), I'm just pointing out where it mostly comes from. It's just a conventional generalization, there are obviously other types like buff, muscular, curvy, slender etc. I don't keep up with fashion standards but I can see the Kardashians really made an impression on women today, and it is still going on to this day.

I feel like people have taken more charge now over what they want because of social media. It's no longer about what some modeling agency wants or movie stars depict. There is a whole mixture of types now, and the new norm of plastic surgery and a lot of makeup. When I look at most women who wear tons of makeup, they look like drag queens to me, but to them it's completely normal and beautiful. Things are both getting worse and better. Nowadays the "no makeup" natural look is more accepted. When I was younger, if you were not beautiful without makeup you wouldn't dare show your natural face. Nowadays more women are being represented, all races and face types, because of social media, more women are online and have a voice and an opinion. But social media is also detrimental too. I look at it from many perspectives.


Exactly. That's one of the things I learned in my time in the sex industry. There will always be people who think you're gorgeous. I was shocked when I saw unconventional or even ugly looking girls (I'm talking Quagmire looking face lol), and men would be like "I was blown away by her beauty". I realized that not everyone shares my tastes, literally everyone has their own standard or what attracts them. Also, men really care more about body than face. I learned that the hard way in highschool, I was too concerned with my face I completely forgot that my body was extremely unattractive during puberty, I always had a flat chest and big stomach. When I was 25 I finally finished growing into my female body, before that I was a hot mess it was very embarrassing. I also remember going right up to a guy's face, we were acquaintances and were playing around, and he came super close to my face, and he was like "eww you're so ugly!" LOL and my girl friends were like "stop that's so mean". Now he's married and his wife isn't much to look at in my opinion, and he himself turned out below average after hitting puberty, so he clearly had a very different view of beauty. Since then I've had hundreds of men close up to my face and they think it's beautiful, I've even had guys who loved my nose! Lol, my nose that would be a rhinoplasty dream, I had men who said it was perfect. I was so shocked I didn't know what to think!

As someone with an eating disorder and who has been reasonably active on ED forums, I'd argue it's actually become much worse. I concede your point that the beauty standard for bodies has changed, but in my opinion, it isn't for the better. In the 00's you could 'get away' with 'just' starving yourself and be stick thin. But to get the kind of physique that is deemed desirable now you not only have to undereat, you also have to stick to a rigorous exercise regimen to get that 'thicc' look. It is fuller than it was back then, yes, but it has to be a 'polished' thicc. The amount of work that goes into this new standard of perfect waist to hip ratio is insane. Thicc does not mean fuller; it means full in the 'right' places; i.e. hips and boobs but the rest has to be stick thin. It's much harder to achieve this, especially because social media finds some new obsession with some perceived 'flaw' every week; whether it be a thigh gap, a bikini bridge, or hip dips.

The 'no makeup look' is equally deceiving. It is tauted as this sort of 'natural' look but if you cannot pull it off without looking naturally flawless, you lose. And there's only a handful of people gentically blessed enough to look that perfect without any makeup.

All these new trends try very hard to pretend like they're more achievable when in reality, they are anything but. At least no one gave Kate Moss shit when her face looked gaunt and unhealthy because she was starving herself which is what will happen if you stick to her diet. This new standard is far more demanding.