![FoxInWaiting](/data/avatars/l/64/64894.jpg?1685241305)
FoxInWaiting
A forest spirit, waiting for his time to escape.
- May 27, 2023
- 36
I've felt this, my whole life, slowly and surely building up.
It all makes sense, I know why I'm here, how I got here, where it will lead if I keep going, I know it all.
I've always known, it just took me this long to accept and realize.
This selfish person that I am, that I've embraced in the last 3 or so years and just let run wild in my mind, snowballing at will, is finally starting to reach its crescendo.
I'm starting to take my true form.
Sickness and depravity that used to bring me shame I'm now starting to enjoy and only want more of.
All the unvented anger, all the times I couldn't fight back, and still can't, all the unresolved fights, all the burns from people I thought cared about me, the absence of anything or anyone to truly love and care for in my life, all the selfishness and prioritizing of self satisfaction, its starting to take shape.
It still in its infancy, but the monster has finally taken form, and will only grow stronger from here.
And I want it to. Its been hollow, but its been so damn fun at the same time. And thats all I have, thats all I'll ever have, fun.
The weak, frail, juvenile, gentle soul I once was is dying.
All he wanted to do was love and be loved, but the village never took him in, and now he must burn it to feel its warmth.
I just wanted to love someone, thats ALL I EVER WANTED
And I never got it. The only joy and satisfaction I've ever experienced in life is from being lazy and selfish. I love being lazy and selfish! More than I will ever love any human being at this point.
Humans have been ruined by thier own culture anyway. A culture i will never fit into, or want to fit into, its a culture of denying reality, where good goes unrewarded and bad goes unpunished. Morality, integrity, bravery, equality, realism, understanding, respect, hospitality, all dead. Deemed obsolete by today's soulless, upside down culture.
I never asked for much, or maybe I did?
Either way, I'm only here for the fun now. I want every mental high I can get my hands on.
I want to feel the greatest pleasures this earth has to offer.
I want to FEEL!!!!!
Even sickness and shame, I'll take anything!
Maybe its best if I kill the monster before they're big enough to leave the womb, I still don't really want this path, but if its all there is I'll take what I can get. Every human needs a purpose, even a bad one, its still a purpose.
There's a select few things keeping the monster at bay, or at least slowing its growth, but maybe I should kill it before its big enough to leave the womb. Or not, we'll see.
It all makes sense, I know why I'm here, how I got here, where it will lead if I keep going, I know it all.
I've always known, it just took me this long to accept and realize.
This selfish person that I am, that I've embraced in the last 3 or so years and just let run wild in my mind, snowballing at will, is finally starting to reach its crescendo.
I'm starting to take my true form.
Sickness and depravity that used to bring me shame I'm now starting to enjoy and only want more of.
All the unvented anger, all the times I couldn't fight back, and still can't, all the unresolved fights, all the burns from people I thought cared about me, the absence of anything or anyone to truly love and care for in my life, all the selfishness and prioritizing of self satisfaction, its starting to take shape.
It still in its infancy, but the monster has finally taken form, and will only grow stronger from here.
And I want it to. Its been hollow, but its been so damn fun at the same time. And thats all I have, thats all I'll ever have, fun.
The weak, frail, juvenile, gentle soul I once was is dying.
All he wanted to do was love and be loved, but the village never took him in, and now he must burn it to feel its warmth.
I just wanted to love someone, thats ALL I EVER WANTED
And I never got it. The only joy and satisfaction I've ever experienced in life is from being lazy and selfish. I love being lazy and selfish! More than I will ever love any human being at this point.
Humans have been ruined by thier own culture anyway. A culture i will never fit into, or want to fit into, its a culture of denying reality, where good goes unrewarded and bad goes unpunished. Morality, integrity, bravery, equality, realism, understanding, respect, hospitality, all dead. Deemed obsolete by today's soulless, upside down culture.
I never asked for much, or maybe I did?
Either way, I'm only here for the fun now. I want every mental high I can get my hands on.
I want to feel the greatest pleasures this earth has to offer.
I want to FEEL!!!!!
Even sickness and shame, I'll take anything!
Maybe its best if I kill the monster before they're big enough to leave the womb, I still don't really want this path, but if its all there is I'll take what I can get. Every human needs a purpose, even a bad one, its still a purpose.
There's a select few things keeping the monster at bay, or at least slowing its growth, but maybe I should kill it before its big enough to leave the womb. Or not, we'll see.