Venting I'm trans and i feel hopeless

[beetlejab]

My family loves me, but not for who I am. I identify as Non-binary, and none of my family members know about it apart from my mother. Though I love them very much, I know they would want me dead or in an asylum if they find out I'm queer.

I feel like I'm lying to them and I rather ctb than live with the shame and guilt of being shunned by own family. I think some of them have begun growing suspicious that I'm a lesbian too and I'm afraid of them spreading that and eventually have me questioned.

I don't have a concrete plan of ctb yet, but I think I rather confess about my real identity in my suicide note than tell them. Part of me wants to write something bitter and angry to my father and brother. Telling them that this was their fault and how it's too late to turn back. Idk. I don't want to leave this world with anger, but I feel it's like a sort of revenge after all the anxiety and sadness they made me feel all throughout my life.

 

[FuneralCry]

So many humans really are just too cruel in this world, I find it dreadful how humans just create more suffering. But anyway best wishes.

 

[nessun_nome]

My family loves me, but not for who I am. I identify as Non-binary, and none of my family members know about it apart from my mother. Though I love them very much, I know they would want me dead or in an asylum if they find out I'm queer.

I feel like I'm lying to them and I rather ctb than live with the shame and guilt of being shunned by own family. I think some of them have begun growing suspicious that I'm a lesbian too and I'm afraid of them spreading that and eventually have me questioned.

I don't have a concrete plan of ctb yet, but I think I rather confess about my real identity in my suicide note than tell them. Part of me wants to write something bitter and angry to my father and brother. Telling them that this was their fault and how it's too late to turn back. Idk. I don't want to leave this world with anger, but I feel it's like a sort of revenge after all the anxiety and sadness they made me feel all throughout my life.

You must do what is best for you. But you've told your mother and you don't mention unpleasant consequences.

I worry that you might kill yourself rather than tell them (your decision of course) because of fears about how your brother and father would react. What if they did accept you for what you are? Is that a gamble worth taking? Can your mother give any insight into their likely reactions?

I see two paths you could take. You could commit suicide without telling them.

Alternatively you could tell them and possibly be accepted. How would that feel? If that doesn't go well you can end your life at any point. But you will have tried.

 

[HAKMKS]

My family loves me, but not for who I am. I identify as Non-binary, and none of my family members know about it apart from my mother. Though I love them very much, I know they would want me dead or in an asylum if they find out I'm queer.

I feel like I'm lying to them and I rather ctb than live with the shame and guilt of being shunned by own family. I think some of them have begun growing suspicious that I'm a lesbian too and I'm afraid of them spreading that and eventually have me questioned.

I don't have a concrete plan of ctb yet, but I think I rather confess about my real identity in my suicide note than tell them. Part of me wants to write something bitter and angry to my father and brother. Telling them that this was their fault and how it's too late to turn back. Idk. I don't want to leave this world with anger, but I feel it's like a sort of revenge after all the anxiety and sadness they made me feel all throughout my life.

Is there a counselor that you can confide in?

Not sure how it's your father and brother's fault.

Give it time. Maybe when you are older, living on your own, with friends who accept you as you are, you can tell them then if you want.