Venting I'm totally done for.

[AlouA]

Today was supposedly our exam day until tomorrow, there were a lot of complications leading to me not going.. I'm done for. My mom was crying because of it , told me I'm making her sick with the way i am now, telling me I'm causing her depression.. It hurts me to see her cry and suffer like this but I'm so done with life that i just want to hide in a cold room and sleep in it forever. I'm worried that i may cause a huge problem within our family.. She "warned" earlier that if i keep being the way that i am now something will happen major within our family.. I guess this is the tragic life of mine.. I don't know what's wrong with me, my therapist even told me that "nothing" is wrong with me and I'm already cured after just taking a month of medication... I'm so scared for my parent's safety yet i still couldn't bring myself up to do anything... I wanna travel back time into year 2020 and make things right and better than in this current time

 

[Enlighten]

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I can really understand things getting tough and this leading to you not being able to participate in the exam.
I hope your situation at home can stabilize. None of you deserve any of this missfortune.

 

[Hotsackage]

maybe you can find something you enjoy and that a couple times a week. also consistent walking can make you feel better. hope it works out for you

 

[Cress]

Most therapists that I have ever run into would be asking the question do you feel cured? It's a bit of a red flag that he's exclaiming that you're now cured As it doesn't seem like they are digging into the deeper struggles and feelings that you are dealing with. I'm guessing you probably hold back when you're talking to them out of fear of being hospitalized or something and it's understandable. Either way I would strongly consider changing your treatment team completely Different therapist for sure.

I'm sorry that your parents aren't more supportive I would assume that their position is one where they are afraid to be an enabler for you. As that seems to be something that parents are afraid of making their children weaker because they didn't push them hard enough. I'm not saying their position is a good one i'm just trying to potentially empathize with how they might be thinking.

Sometimes that's just how parents end up internalizing these things because their thoughts start to wander that they did something wrong and messed up raising you Which can be pretty painful for them. I remember one time my mom called me And apologized for everything she put me through in my childhood and then not even 8 hours later the next morning she calls me again and says that She changed her mind it was all my fault. If I had not been suicidal the police would have not discovered how bad her hoarding situation was and gotten her in trouble. So everything was my fault.

I used to take what you said pretty harshly but after several years of thinking about it If that was the only way she could internalize it and live with herself I'm fine with that. I would rather her blame me for everything than for her to be mentally broken from some sort of realization that she damaged me through Childhood and she ends up taking her own life at a later point.