I'm torn

[Thinking]

My date is supposed to be this October 25. I really want to ctb but I feel upset to the point of nausea every time I think of leaving my best friend behind. She would surely kill herself out of grief. She has always been there for me and I love her more than anything. We've been through almost everything together.

But, she has no idea that I cut and want to ctb. I know this would come as a horrible shock to her and she would never recover.

Any thoughts on what I should do? I'm torn:(

 

[Insertname1]

My date is supposed to be this October 25. I really want to ctb but I feel upset to the point of nausea every time I think of leaving my best friend behind. She would surely kill herself out of grief. She has always been there for me and I love her more than anything. We've been through almost everything together.

But, she has no idea that I cut and want to ctb. I know this would come as a horrible shock to her and she would never recover.

Any thoughts on what I should do? I'm torn:(

Sorry youre going through this. Maybe leave your friend a note. Not sure what to put in it, but to reassure her that its for the best, thats my best suggestion I think. Or on the other hand, maybe talk to your friend whats going on with you and maybe she will try and help you

 

[Ghost2211]

Is it possible to talk to her about what you've been dealing with? Perhaps omit the suicidal part for her sake, but she may be able to help you.

 

[LastWhisper]

Don't you want to talk with her about that?

But if ctb is the only way for you, you may consider to somehow stop your communication, so she probably won't ever know. Not a best solution tho. My close friend asked me for that when he knows about my suicidal thoughts. In that case try to make as much better for her after you leave.

 

[Sinkinshyp]

I would try talking to her. Start telling how about how sad or depressed you are. I would somehow find the way to tell her you cut and see how she reacts. If she doesn't flip out about you cutting talk to her more about how you are feeling or whats led you to feel you want to CTB. There might be a chance you can tell her you want to CTB. Yes, I'm sure she will want to help you so be prepared for that

 

[Insertname1]

I would try talking to her. Start telling how about how sad or depressed you are. I would somehow find the way to tell her you cut and see how she reacts. If she doesn't flip out about you cutting talk to her more about how you are feeling or whats led you to feel you want to CTB. There might be a chance you can tell her you want to CTB. Yes, I'm sure she will want to help you so be prepared for that

I think telling someone you want to ctb is easier than telling someone you cut, from personal experience anyway, I think I've told like 3 people that I cut, even when people mention them I make up an excuse, depends on the person really

 

[Sinkinshyp]

I think telling someone you want to ctb is easier than telling someone you cut, from personal experience anyway, I think I've told like 3 people that I cut, even when people mention them I make up an excuse, depends on the person really

I'm old compared to most here. I'll be 49 next month. When I was growing up cutting or wanting to CTB wasn't as common as it is now. I was the odd one. I used to cut, put cigarettes out on my arm and tried to CTB as a teen. I didn't mind people knowing I cut or let cigarettes burn my arm I was embarrassed people knew I tried to CTB. Now I have to position my arms in ways people can't see my scars.

 

[Insertname1]

I'm old compared to most here. I'll be 49 next month. When I was growing up cutting or wanting to CTB wasn't as common as it is now. I was the odd one. I used to cut, put cigarettes out on my arm and tried to CTB as a teen. I didn't mind people knowing I cut or let cigarettes burn my arm I was embarrassed people knew I tried to CTB. Now I have to position my arms in ways people can't see my scars.

I know what you mean about hiding the cuts, I did for a long time, then I though fuck it why should I. I wear short sleeves for work and I always see people look at them, but people that know me know not to ask me questions which Is a bonus I suppose

 

[MariV]

if shes your friend then she wants to know about ur circumatances and help you without judgment.
at some point on my life i decided to remove my mask completely and tell everybody everything as it is. i find my relationships much more authentic.

 

[Thinking]

I would try talking to her. Start telling how about how sad or depressed you are. I would somehow find the way to tell her you cut and see how she reacts. If she doesn't flip out about you cutting talk to her more about how you are feeling or whats led you to feel you want to CTB. There might be a chance you can tell her you want to CTB. Yes, I'm sure she will want to help you so be prepared for that

I don't think I could tell her, idk why, I just don't think I could bring myself to do it. Also I'm fairly certain she would flip out if I mentioned ctb bc she got her cousin hospitalized who was suicidal. Granted, I'm pretty sure the cousin wanted help, but I'm not sure I can trust my friend to keep my secret about ctb. Also she has asked me before if I wanted to kill myself, but she did it in a very abrasive way, saying "DON'T lie to me" and all that. I just don't think she would understand.

I have a professor who really cares about me who I'm considering telling, except I can't bc she is a mandated reporter:(