Venting I'm tired

[possum.notfakin]

I guess everyone around here is tired, but I wanted to vent a bit, I cannot comment any of this in my home or with my friend cause they will deny it or even laugh it off

im just really tired, for so long every morning have been the same, a stupid routine of feeling pathetic and hating myself. I don't remember the nights where I could fall asleep without something having to distract me from my thoughts to fall asleep so even at night it's the same bullshit
'distract yourself so you don't think' that's how it's been for years and years and im running out of reasons that convinces me to stay

people around me don't understand how much I really hate myself, like I just don't like me, I don't tolerate me, I don't hate me because of my appearance or some disability, I straight up hate myself just for the way I am, just for being me. imagine having to be around the person you hate the most, always, never being able to push him away, it's tiring. i hate the things that I like, I hate the way I am, I hate my voice, I really hate that I crave for affection like a pathetic parasite just dreaming of someone could let me rest and tell me that things will get better, over all dreaming that I believe them

I also hate dreaming, when I dream something happy and nice it feels so horrible to wake up and notice how nothing good was real, it was just a dream of all the things I have hoped for, I dream of someone hugging me, of someone putting me first, of someone actually liking me even if I'm useless, someone that won't use me and throw me away, but obviously all that are just dreams. the shitty part is that if I don't dream things like that, I have fucking nightmares: people finally getting tired of my bs and leaving, getting hurt to the point that I won't be able to ctb, memories of my life that never go away, or just the people that I appreciate also hating me
I never rest, it's a never ending cycle of torture whatever I do

I'm getting tired and my pathetic self just wants someone to actually notice it and care, but I'm also tired of telling people how I feel just for them to not care, it hurts

therapy doesn't work

doing exercise doesn't work

the things that I like don't make me feel happy

going out or staying inside is the same bs

family or friends feel so distant

i don't feel like wanting to stay any longer

sorry if some things doesn't make sense, I'm still learning english and things in my head sometimes dont come out right

 

[finalincarnate]

Conclusion I came to is that depression comes mostly from biology,and less from psychology. Body has no direct way of telling you that it's health is failing. So it reacts to it by depression.

If we put aside psychological problem for a while, It looks very much like hidden liver problem. When a person has hidden liver problem, they often feel being "tired of life". Sometimes they feel sensation of deep sadness or even guilt. They describe that what they feel,looks like:

• Feeling tired of life, Pain of a soul or illness of soul; often accompanied by dull chest pain.​
• Often their music changes to sad and depressive one (similar to evanescense).​
• Uncontrollable sex drive (blaming it on porn addiction)​
• Never ending vertigo.​
• Insomnia or Inability to maintain sleep more than 5 hours (suddenly waking up without ability to fall back asleep).​
• Yellowness of eyes below low eyelids.​
• Strange heart pain or pain under left shoulder blade (especially after drinking coffee or eating heavy meal).​
• Constant urinary tract infections. Burning sensation in bladder and when urinating.​
• Alcohol intolerance​

If you experiences similar symptoms (besides ongoing depression), I would suggest taking these steps:

• Ultrasound scan of liver and gallbladder​
• Liver function panel test (including billirubin level)​
• Test for Hepatitis A,B,C,D,E​

Chronic hepatitis is incurable, but very well manageable by Entecaviror Tenofovir. But before even taking any tests, Here are things that will give you some relief that does not need tests or doctor's perscription:

• Drink Detox tea.​
• Take Phospholipids (similar to Essentiale Forte).​
• Avoid pork,fried eggs, fried potato or fried meat (including shawarma).​
• Avoid popular soda like cola, pepsi and similar.​
• Avoid caramel (in form of candy or on the ice cream).​
• Avoid coffee and high Caffeine products (dark chocolate, so on).​
• If gallbladder has no stones, drink bile activator artichoke extract drug (similar to chophytol) to flush the liver and gallbladder. If gallbladder has stones, do not drink it because it will pass the stone and that may kill you.​
• Drink 5HTP and small doses of calcium to boost your immunity and reduce UTI​
• In case of chronic hepatitis, antiviral medication Entecavir or Tenofovir.​
• Drink two liters of water with slight sweetener sugar in it.​

Liver is number one consumer of water. It uses it to generate Urea,which removes toxins off from the blood and liver. Starving it of water poisons it, and makes it's function to degrade even further. I suggest sweetened water because whenever your stomach empties the food, and food passes the colon; You will slowly become hungry and Sugar levels in blood will start to drop. It stresses the liver because it sees itself as N1 responsible organ for correct blood sugar level. So it starts to empty it's sugar reserve into the blood. Parallelly it tries to back convert stored fat back into sugar. And all of it happens when absorbed food goes into liver for detoxification. By giving liver sugar, you relieve it from it's duties of maintaining sugar. This is why you feel ease after drinking Mountain Dew or anything similar.

 

[possum.notfakin]

Conclusion I came to is that depression comes mostly from biology,and less from psychology. Body has no direct way of telling you that it's health is failing. So it reacts to it by depression.

If we put aside psychological problem for a while, It looks very much like hidden liver problem. When a person has hidden liver problem, they often feel being "tired of life". Sometimes they feel sensation of deep sadness or even guilt. They describe that what they feel,looks like:

• Feeling tired of life, Pain of a soul or illness of soul; often accompanied by dull chest pain.​
• Often their music changes to sad and depressive one (similar to evanescense).​
• Uncontrollable sex drive (blaming it on porn addiction)​
• Never ending vertigo.​
• Insomnia or Inability to maintain sleep more than 5 hours (suddenly waking up without ability to fall back asleep).​
• Yellowness of eyes below low eyelids.​
• Strange heart pain or pain under left shoulder blade (especially after drinking coffee or eating heavy meal).​
• Constant urinary tract infections. Burning sensation in bladder and when urinating.​
• Alcohol intolerance​

If you experiences similar symptoms (besides ongoing depression), I would suggest taking these steps:

• Ultrasound scan of liver and gallbladder​
• Liver function panel test (including billirubin level)​
• Test for Hepatitis A,B,C,D,E​

Chronic hepatitis is incurable, but very well manageable by Entecaviror Tenofovir. But before even taking any tests, Here are things that will give you some relief that does not need tests or doctor's perscription:

• Drink Detox tea.​
• Take Phospholipids (similar to Essentiale Forte).​
• Avoid pork,fried eggs, fried potato or fried meat (including shawarma).​
• Avoid popular soda like cola, pepsi and similar.​
• Avoid caramel (in form of candy or on the ice cream).​
• Avoid coffee and high Caffeine products (dark chocolate, so on).​
• If gallbladder has no stones, drink bile activator artichoke extract drug (similar to chophytol) to flush the liver and gallbladder. If gallbladder has stones, do not drink it because it will pass the stone and that may kill you.​
• Drink 5HTP and small doses of calcium to boost your immunity and reduce UTI​
• In case of chronic hepatitis, antiviral medication Entecavir or Tenofovir.​
• Drink two liters of water with slight sweetener sugar in it.​

Liver is number one consumer of water. It uses it to generate Urea,which removes toxins off from the blood and liver. Starving it of water poisons it, and makes it's function to degrade even further. I suggest sweetened water because whenever your stomach empties the food, and food passes the colon; You will slowly become hungry and Sugar levels in blood will start to drop. It stresses the liver because it sees itself as N1 responsible organ for correct blood sugar level. So it starts to empty it's sugar reserve into the blood. Parallelly it tries to back convert stored fat back into sugar. And all of it happens when absorbed food goes into liver for detoxification. By giving liver sugar, you relieve it from it's duties of maintaining sugar. This is why you feel ease after drinking Mountain Dew or anything similar.

not trying to be rude or anything but, you fr?? I have none of these symptoms, my eyes are fine, and trust me, no alcohol intolerance, honestly it felt like what everyone here says, they give me vitamins when I say I'm tired or they guilt that I don't go out enough, no one thinks is anything else than lack of food or sickness

I'll give it a shot and try to get me checked, if my liver is fine then I'll fuck it up myself the way I'm going