Venting I’m tired of this loop

[OhMyStars]

Every single day it's the same thing over and over and over again, nothing ever changes even if I try to change it. I feel as if I'm genuinely going insane. I'm so fucking tired of it. I want to go out and do things, take a hike, go into the city, but no. Instead all I ever do is sit on my ass and contemplate if this is worth it.

I don't know why I can't just do things. I want to do so much but I never can and it's my fault. And I know there's the whole "but why don't you just go outside?" I wish it was that simple, but I can't stop overthinking every tiny inconvenience. Sometimes I wish I could just stop thinking, but in the real world that's usually only obtained through drugs or death, and neither of those come as easy as any of us wish. One of these days I'm going to make the final decision of living or dying and sticking with it. I'm tired of sitting with a gun to my head sobbing and hating myself because I can't pull the fucking trigger.

Why can't peace just come easy?

 

[Forever Sleep]

I once had a similar sort of conversation with a neighbour. I was debating on going on holiday a few days. Nothing massively grand- no travelling abroad or anything.

Still, I was so miserable. I wondered if it was really worth it. Would it change anything or, would I just feel miserable there and have wasted the money? My neighbour still advised me to go. He said, even if I felt like it wasn't making a difference, it probably would be. He was right actually. It's not like it changed my life but, I obtained a few nice memories.

I think the key is maybe to try not to expect too much of it. It's unlikely to be some transformative experience. It's just a bit of exercise in the open air. A different environment. New stimuli for your senses. And, if you still feel miserable doing it, then either just roll with that or, come back home- at least you tried. I think the key is to lower expectations and to decide it's worth a try at least. If you know staying in is making you miserable, then it seems worth a shot. I hope you are able to convince yourself to try and, I hope it helps.