Venting i'm tired of selfish people

[huftydumdum]

whenever i rarely speak out about how my trauma has impacted me to the point where i'm barely even human, i suffer from suicidal thoughts, i self-harm, and so much more people have the gull to tell me things will get better, that things will pass, that people want me here. only one person should ever tell me that, and that is my ex-partner now friend. she is the only one who has the right to say anything because she is the only one who i feel truly cares for my wellbeing, i live because seeing her hurt would tear my being apart. others only say it because it's the respectful thing to do but they really couldn't give a shit by tomorrow morning.

i was turned down by this world, i'm regarded as unhinged and weird. people wouldn't care if i live or die, everyone only has a fantasy version of me in their head of me being a cis-girl who they can project onto just because i'm a stupid people pleaser at heart and won't ever be anything less than that. anyone who asks me to "survive just one more day" irk me because those words don't give me solice, you're just asking me to live for a stupid cause in a stupid life that i can't fix. i can't fix the fact that i'm trans no matter how badly i feminize myself, the dysphoria hits me ten time worse. i can't fix the fact that i'm just a second priority to everyone even my own kin, nobody cares enough to help and instead opt to hurt and tear me down. and i can't fix the fact that i'm too stupid to do anything about it. you can walk all over me all you want, i would let you do it all with a smile and god forbid i ask for bare minimum levels of respect. am i just sub-human at this point?

 

[FuneralCry]

To me, it's insensitive how people who could never understand push their toxic positivity beliefs onto other people, it's true that most people in this cruel world are too self centred to ever care. Life certainly is so cruel and it's so awful how so many people suffer so much all through no fault of their own, but anyway I wish you the best.