Venting I’m tired. Not even scared anymore

[LonelyGhost]

I recently decided I'm giving my life about two years to see if things turn around. I'm going to try my hardest. I'm lost all my friends and I think I'm about to lose my very best friend all because of a guy or that I live too far away etc. my stepdad recently emailed me and basically said other people might buy my BS but I'm a lazy bullshitter and he's seen through it his whole life. I have aspergers and horrible Tourette's and hardly make it through the day. All I do is sleep and I have no interest in being around people. I'm trying to start a business but if I don't see progress in a couple of years I am pulling the plug on my life.

I almost feel at peace knowing I have an exit plan in place in case things don't work out. I would get a short barreled shotgun with 3 inch slugs and shoot myself on the side of the head while standing in a lake in the middle of nowhere so my body won't be found. And over time I'll just be bones at the bottom of a beautiful lake never to be found. The plus side being if the shotgun doesn't do it for some weird reason I would be unconscious and drown. Seems like the most painless death.

I'm giving myself two years but I'm not scared now and feel a sense of peace that I now have a plan in place and also a shotgun that I bought in the past. I'm really hoping things change and my dreams come true.

I am so lonely and have nobody. My cat is my best buddy but I know she would have a good home my mom would take such good care of her. My mom is the only reason I am still here. I am so tired of being treated by like shit and is it just me or do nice people get walked all over and used on this planet? I always have had a huge heart and all it's done is bite me in the ass.

Relationships have completely been ruined because the internet probably idk... it's impossible for me to find anybody now. Every girl I met in the past is emotionally a wreck because of traumas or still attached to their ex and can't move on. All I am is a shoulder to cry on or a guy to use for a while. Even my last relationship my ex left me for her guy in her life.... she couldn't get over him and one day out of the blue said she's marrying him. Then she got pissed at me and started throwing new age spiritual crap at me because I had a broken heart and I was upset and couldn't get over her literally the day after she told me this... this is the kind of madness I'm talking about. I don't fit in and never will.

So if things don't get better in a couple of years I'm out of here.

I don't feel so alone on these forums. Big Thank you to everybody here for being so kind and thoughtful and supportive <3

 

[Azzy69]

how will anyone know where you are

 

[ChristopherWalken]

Man don't let your stepdad get into your head like that. Seriously f#ck that guy. Anybody that would take the time to get on the keyboard and email someone garbage like that is a toxic pos that you should disregard. You don't need that energy in your life so just don't give him or his words a second thought. I like your idea of starting a business. You can get make a lot of progress in 2 years. It's weird how different my outlook towards relationships is from yours. I"m petrified to get involved with any girl because I'm afraid of hurting them in the end. I would prefer to have short lived relationships with women who could really care less about me so that way I know they won't be upset if they find out I keeled over at some point over the weekend. I am lonely though and I don't know what I'd do without the "support" I get from my 2 cats. I like dogs too but my apartments only allows 2 pets.
My mom is wonderful too. She knows I've been going through a hard time and has been so supportive. I feel so bad. I really don't deserve her and the thought of hurting her by killing myself really tears me up by I may have no choice.

 

[pole]

I recently decided I'm giving my life about two years to see if things turn around. I'm going to try my hardest. I'm lost all my friends and I think I'm about to lose my very best friend all because of a guy or that I live too far away etc. my stepdad recently emailed me and basically said other people might buy my BS but I'm a lazy bullshitter and he's seen through it his whole life. I have aspergers and horrible Tourette's and hardly make it through the day. All I do is sleep and I have no interest in being around people. I'm trying to start a business but if I don't see progress in a couple of years I am pulling the plug on my life.

I almost feel at peace knowing I have an exit plan in place in case things don't work out. I would get a short barreled shotgun with 3 inch slugs and shoot myself on the side of the head while standing in a lake in the middle of nowhere so my body won't be found. And over time I'll just be bones at the bottom of a beautiful lake never to be found. The plus side being if the shotgun doesn't do it for some weird reason I would be unconscious and drown. Seems like the most painless death.

I'm giving myself two years but I'm not scared now and feel a sense of peace that I now have a plan in place and also a shotgun that I bought in the past. I'm really hoping things change and my dreams come true.

I am so lonely and have nobody. My cat is my best buddy but I know she would have a good home my mom would take such good care of her. My mom is the only reason I am still here. I am so tired of being treated by like shit and is it just me or do nice people get walked all over and used on this planet? I always have had a huge heart and all it's done is bite me in the ass.

Relationships have completely been ruined because the internet probably idk... it's impossible for me to find anybody now. Every girl I met in the past is emotionally a wreck because of traumas or still attached to their ex and can't move on. All I am is a shoulder to cry on or a guy to use for a while. Even my last relationship my ex left me for her guy in her life.... she couldn't get over him and one day out of the blue said she's marrying him. Then she got pissed at me and started throwing new age spiritual crap at me because I had a broken heart and I was upset and couldn't get over her literally the day after she told me this... this is the kind of madness I'm talking about. I don't fit in and never will.

So if things don't get better in a couple of years I'm out of here.

I don't feel so alone on these forums. Big Thank you to everybody here for being so kind and thoughtful and supportive <3

so sorry for everything you've gone through, and you're horrible parent guardian.

i can relate a ton. im giving myself 1-2 years max. if i don't start to do well in school again, get into law school, in life as a whole, im definitely just gonna ctb.

that feeling of peace, not caring about anyone and anything, its when you become numb. you just dont have the energy to care anymore. you cared for so long, but you just cant anymore. i'm really close to that point right now, i just feel at peace knowing okay this is my last chance at life as a whole, and im definitely gonna ctb if it doesnt work out cause i dont fucking care anymore and cant take it.

hope everything goes well for you within the next two years, and you're business is booming, and things turn around for you to the point where you wanna live again for many years to come.

wish you all the happiness in the world.

 

[Beautifulletdown]

Man don't let your stepdad get into your head like that. Seriously f#ck that guy. Anybody that would take the time to get on the keyboard and email someone garbage like that is a toxic pos that you should disregard. You don't need that energy in your life so just don't give him or his words a second thought. I like your idea of starting a business. You can get make a lot of progress in 2 years. It's weird how different my outlook towards relationships is from yours. I"m petrified to get involved with any girl because I'm afraid of hurting them in the end. I would prefer to have short lived relationships with women who could really care less about me so that way I know they won't be upset if they find out I keeled over at some point over the weekend. I am lonely though and I don't know what I'd do without the "support" I get from my 2 cats. I like dogs too but my apartments only allows 2 pets.
My mom is wonderful too. She knows I've been going through a hard time and has been so supportive. I feel so bad. I really don't deserve her and the thought of hurting her by killing myself really tears me up by I may have no choice.

You're lucky to have a supportive person that understands you're having a tough time right now. It's hard when you don't.