Venting I'm stuck here

[nzdarkshark]

I went to my school office to get some medical assistance for the self harm I committed (first time in over a month) and my school counciler was called.
She wants to content my mum and for me to go home because I used school property and did it on school grounds.
I don't want to go home.
I know what will happen.
The same thing that happened last month. An emotional talk with my mum, a little bit of a lecture. Lots of crying.

I just wanted the emotional pain to stop. Even for a little bit. Though the cuts are painful I can bear physical pain over emotional pain.
But now I'm sitting in the sick-bay of school crying.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to go home.
I can't even die. Every possible way I could ctb either is unavailable or doesn't work on me for some reason.

I'm so fucking sad. So broken.

 

[windingdown]

<3 I'm sorry that you're in such pain. You're young! I wish life didn't have to be this way for anyone. I wish that everyone experienced a good life till at least a reasonable threshold age in adulthood.

Hang in there - you are not alone.

 

[BaconCheeseburger]

I don't have anything I could say that would make you feel better. But as someone who had the school always contacting my parents, I feel your frustration completely xx

 

[Ben]

Scarred on the inside and the out..

Much love.

 

[nzdarkshark]

Update of sorts: forcefully being taken home. No say in the matter.

I am no longer allowed in the art room (where I did it) and because of my 'choice' I'll probably be separated from my friends in classes and such that are related to the art room.

I just want to leave.

 

[Desperate_Soul]

I don't understand how banning you from the art room or separating from your friends will help your predicament. I wonder who even came up with that brilliant idea. Do they think you self harmed in the art room because you hate art, or that art influenced you to 'draw' on yourself?

 

[nzdarkshark]

I don't understand how banning you from the art room or separating from your friends will help your predicament. I wonder who even came up with that brilliant idea. Do they think you self harmed in the art room because you hate art, or that art influenced you to 'draw' on yourself?

No they're banning me from the art room because I self harmed in there the most and I that's where I get the blades from.

 

[Desperate_Soul]

No they're banning me from the art room because I self harmed in there the most and I that's where I get the blades from.

I think it's silly they're banning you from the art room and your friends. What if you actually enjoy art. They need a new strategy rather than isolating you. Is there a science room that you have class in? Scalpels and chemicals are options. Are they banning you from there, too?

 

[nzdarkshark]

I think it's silly they're banning you from the art room and your friends. What if you actually enjoy art. They need a new strategy rather than isolating you. Is there a science room that you have class in? Scalpels and chemicals are options. Are they banning you from there, too?

I take painting as a subject - and my friends don't. But a friend of mine is in my learning advisory class (which is in the art room).
The other friend I was going to mention just messaged me saying she's going to break off the friendship because she's done with my shit.

Fair enough though - I wouldn't want to be friends with me either.

 

[Hunter]

I take painting as a subject - and my friends don't. But a friend of mine is in my learning advisory class (which is in the art room).
The other friend I was going to mention just messaged me saying she's going to break off the friendship because she's done with my shit.

Fair enough though - I wouldn't want to be friends with me either.

Don't say that :( depression is really hard for most people to understand. I know it sucks to lose friends to this though.

 

[QueSeraSera]

I went to my school office to get some medical assistance for the self harm I committed (first time in over a month) and my school counciler was called.
She wants to content my mum and for me to go home because I used school property and did it on school grounds.
I don't want to go home.
I know what will happen.
The same thing that happened last month. An emotional talk with my mum, a little bit of a lecture. Lots of crying.

I just wanted the emotional pain to stop. Even for a little bit. Though the cuts are painful I can bear physical pain over emotional pain.
But now I'm sitting in the sick-bay of school crying.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to go home.
I can't even die. Every possible way I could ctb either is unavailable or doesn't work on me for some reason.

I'm so fucking sad. So broken.

You have no agency over your own life. You mentioned your Mother twice which tells me she has alot of control. Which tells me you don't have much control.

How old are you?

 

[QueSeraSera]

I take painting as a subject - and my friends don't. But a friend of mine is in my learning advisory class (which is in the art room).
The other friend I was going to mention just messaged me saying she's going to break off the friendship because she's done with my shit.

Fair enough though - I wouldn't want to be friends with me either.

Rule #1: stop telling people your business offline. Vent here or where people don't know you.

They think you're draining and an energy vampire. It's because they do NOT understand you. You're creating that situation by keeping those people in your circle. I'm pretty sure this wasn't the first time either.....you must have a history of publicly displaying your emotions (keep that to yourself unless you wanna be gossiped about). You want attention and help, correct?

 

[QueSeraSera]

I don't understand how banning you from the art room or separating from your friends will help your predicament. I wonder who even came up with that brilliant idea. Do they think you self harmed in the art room because you hate art, or that art influenced you to 'draw' on yourself?

They don't want other people to be influenced by his sadness. Energy is real. Which is why when people are in a bad mood or angry I move away from them because I can feel it.

Schools are NOT prepared to handle depression.

 

[QueSeraSera]

No they're banning me from the art room because I self harmed in there the most and I that's where I get the blades from.

I knew some people I went to school with who showed off their self harm, yes showed off, and it concerned many of their friends - some even told the teacher. When the teachers found out, they got in trouble rather than getting any help and weren't allowed to talk to anyone for a while and were even suspended from school. In my opinion, this only makes depression and the situation worse. It makes other people who are depressed and suicidal afraid of seeking help. Schools don't want 'suicide' plastered all over their walls, so they try to keep it silent, which is absolutely absurd.

Because humans follow the herd mentality. People are EASILY influenced. Especially teens with hormones. Suicidal discussions should be had at school, BUT, when students are literally cutting into flesh on school property: absolutely unacceptable.

What happens if the person bleeds out in class? No we have just created a PTSD situation for the students who witnessed it.

 

[QueSeraSera]

I don't think my point is coming across correctly. I'm too tired to continue this.

Enjoy your day. ❤

 

[QueSeraSera]

I don't think my point is coming across correctly. I'm too tired to continue this.

And your point came across fine. I'm telling you "why" schools frown on people showing off self-harm. Because people copy and imitate.

The real issue is parents who rely on schools to raise and coddle their kids. Trust me when I tell you: a mother knows her child. They know when something is off. They know when they send their kid to school that the behavior of the kid is a reflection of the HOME life. Some parents don't give a fuck. Mental illness can be seen as early as 3. But they STILL send their kid to school and pray they act "normal" as to not embarrass the family.

School feel the parents should deal with it..

And I agree.

 

[throwaway123]

Everyone is stuck here. That's the reason this website exists. Suicide is not easy.

 

[QueSeraSera]

Everyone is stuck here. That's the reason this website exists. Suicide is not easy.

True...

But living is fucking challenging too.