Venting I'm stressed out to the limit

[J007]

There were many bad things happened in my life recently that I can't stand still.
I'm being convinced of the only solution to my problems- ctb.
I will calm down and feel safe having a pouch with SN, rope waiting for to be used and bunch of pills in my pocket.
I will have then my own, personal fallback.
And nobody will jeopardize me and nobody will tell me- what a looser...
I'm not a bigger looser than you, I've got more courage than anybody else around me...
I can make my own decision whether I want to stay alive or just go away...
And nobody would be able to stop me, but me...
Now just have to build up confidence strong enough to fulfil my destiny and to be dare to escape
from this completely illogical and cruel world.
Fuck it.
I can't sleep. I can't think positively, I can't eat or drink.
Two pack of fags a day, few sips of tea.
Lost almost one stone within two weeks.
I'm fed up.
I'm done.
Bye.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry that you suffer so unbearably. It really is such a horrible, cruel world that we live in and more than anything I wish that it was easier to leave it. I know that it is hard to carry on when you are so exhausted, I am tired too. I hope that you find relief from your pain in whatever happens.