Im starting to realize i am the problem

[asian.neet]

I'm mean to everyone. I complain and whine about everything. I complain about my parents being "bad" when they're the nicest people on the planet and I have friends who have stricter Asian parents and one who has an Asian dad who beats and gropes tf outta them. I complain about my current school which is the top in the nation and I hate it here because my brain is incompetent to see the positive. I am a stuck up loser who has a massive ego and violent anger temper tantrums. In reality I have the emotional maturity of a five year old like my sister says. I always run away from my problems and interrupt people because I'm bored.

In short I am a pos. I'm also autistic so I may not know social rules but I'm just a piece of crap to everyone else. No wonder why I don't deserve to be here and should "work on myself" when I was deluded for so long that I am perfect and satisfied my ego. I wish I could die but everything is going well for me and I'm just whining about shit because I was too sheltered growing up with affectionate parents who spoiled tf outta me.

Maybe Cognitive Behavioral Therapy will help me. But therapy and the whole MH system is why I was here. I called 988 and they thought I was gonna shoot up a school so I got effectively swatted but in the form of a welfare check and am effective suspension from my school. Thanks a lot 988 YOU DONE FUCK UP MY LIFE.

Bet all of you are gonna tell me to "work on myself". Lkterallyeveryone in society will tell me this. My life is legitimately over.

 

[MatrixPrisoner]

I have a similar personality and also on the spectrum. It's not our fault. We were born this way.

 

[ForgottenTomb]

There is nothing wrong with working on yourself. You have expressed yourself that the traits you have are unappealing to you, so why wouldn't you work on getting rid of them? It's natural to fail and get confronted with obstacles, just keep getting up. As long as you do that, it will get better. Ignore what society says about your progress, just keep focusing on working on yourself.

You have realized that your behaviour towards people hurt them, and maybe you didn't even intentionally try to, but with the awareness that you have now, you can change your behaviour to be kinder to everyone. Everyone is suffering enough already, why would anyone want to add to that.

Getting suspended from school is difficult to recover from, but all you can do is focus on your next step. It's easy to fall into hopelessness as a neet, but your future is still worth fighting for. Your life can be whole again someday. Your life is not over and you deserve to be here. Wishing you luck.

 

[asian.neet]

There is nothing wrong with working on yourself. You have expressed yourself that the traits you have are unappealing to you, so why wouldn't you work on getting rid of them?

It's not the "improving yourself" part I was trying to hint at on my rant, but how sometimes the "work on yourself" can be coded as a fuck you by some people when they say that and i just feel that F you part pouring in from everyone. That's what I had a problem with

 

[ReadyOrNot?]

You're not the Problem. The world which didn't take you as you, is the Problem. You're not at fault for wanting to be recognized as the one you are and not for your performance. You are okay the way you are. Take pride in it. You have gone a long way.

 

[sad_panda]

Knowing the source of your problems is one thing. Knowing an effective solution is another. Actually putting in the work to solve anything is yet another.
In general, I think any introspective thoughtful person will see more and more flaws in themselves and in others, and in the world around them.
It can get overwhelming. And then you might try to connect with other people and fail a bit, and then get even more discouraged.

I try to pick one thing, just one thing that is my biggest problem (or easiest problem to tackle), and make it a little bit better for a week.
(e.g. I will try to remove myself from a situation when I feel myself getting angry, instead of letting it build up to where I can't control it and have a tantrum)
(e.g. yay, this week I only had 2 tantrums instead of 3)
And then repeat the process.

It won't be easy or comfortable to do it. Giving up is easy - but trying is very hard.
But think long term, because the longer you wait the harder it will get to make progress.
It takes more effort to change the older we get - that is biology's fault.

Good luck to you!