SadCryingBunny
Student
- Apr 10, 2025
- 190
After failing with Nitrogen due to not being able to tolerate the deep chest tightness of breathing in a full breath of nitrogen after fully exhaling oxygen and not being able to pass out even after breathing two nitrogen breaths, although I came close to it. I Now want to buy a hunting knife, numb my thigh with the strongest numbing cream or injection and take a bunch of painkillers and sleeping pills to then stab my femoral artery in my thigh a few times if I can locate it to die. I'll be out asleep a few minutes after stabbing my leg from the sleeping pills and hopefully dead in my sleep. I self harmed at age 13 with a butter knife by cutting the top of my arm which the scars are covered with hair due to school bullying and tried to kill myself at age 17 due to domestic abuse between my dad by stabbing my arm with a vegetable knife initially and then cutting across my forearm in an act of depression and severe anger with the abuse I went through. I called the suicide hotline as my survival instinct kicked in and had 6 police officers and an ambulance at my door followed by being taken to the hospital. It was very horrific scene for the neighbours and never expected the police to show up. I wasn't aware that it was easier to bleed out by stabbing the thigh, had I known, I would've stabbed my leg and likely been dead or with worse injuries. I've been recently cutting out my old scars to sand and flatten them which has worked well. I tried laser treatment initially and it didn't do much, the only thing that worked was sanding and cutting them out with a wide nail clipper. After I've sanded them, I'll go back and do laser again to maximise smoothness and skin healing, that's if I decide to live. I've had to repeat the process for each stab and cut wound dozens of times to achieve a good or decent flattened result that laser was never able to achieve. It's a gruesome bloody process that has sent my mental health into severe depression along with my worsening hair loss as my hair loss triggered all my teenage trauma that caused me to start cutting out my self harmed scars. I just want to fucking die. My pain tolerance is extremely high, so knife stabs would be nothing compared to completely ripping out the lumpy scar tissue flesh dozens of times the past 2 years and putting bandages over them for them to re heal with a lump and then cut them again until the fucking skin heals near flat with minimal lump. I'm ready to go soon if things don't get better.
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