I'm so tired

[Fml]

I can't take this anymore, I just want to end it right now. I'm so tired of how people treat me, I'm only ever nice to them and as understanding and forgiving as I can be and I just get treated like shit in return. I have Aspergers so my social skills aren't the best and I was sexually abused when I was eight so my self esteem is non existent also. I don't feel like anyone truly understands me or truly likes me and it's killing me, I hate feeling like this. I've liked this guy for ages and it seems like he pretends to like me back but I don't know why. I'd know if he really does like me because he'd be asking about me and seeing me more than once in the last five months. I know everyone would say to me he's not worth getting upset over and to stop talking to him but I can't bring myself to. I've wanted a relationship with him for a long time but he doesn't want one with me, seems like he only wants one thing. I've always felt like I'm not good enough for anyone or anything and it's because of how people are with me. I feel like no one would ever want me as a girlfriend because I'm not good enough. I thought I had quite a lot to give but people make me question it. I just got so upset that I tried to partial hang myself from my bedroom door which I've never done before, I've thought about it a lot but never done it. I hope I'll be successful eventually if I keep trying. I just want peace from this constant hell in my mind.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

First you need to take care of yourself and love yourself honey. I know it might sound cliche, but this is the only area where we have most control over - our own selves. About men, some are good, some are bad, but no point in defining yourself given the presence or absence of a man in your life.
Can you tell us a little more about you and your life, family etc.?

 

[Fml]

First you need to take care of yourself and love yourself honey. I know it might sound cliche, but this is the only area where we have most control over - our own selves. About men, some are good, some are bad, but no point in defining yourself given the presence or absence of a man in your life.
Can you tell us a little more about you and your life, family etc.?

Hi there GoneGoneGone,

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I'm 30 years old and have been a quiet and introverted person my whole life. I think it's due to my Aspergers. I've only had two paid jobs in my life and both of them I wasn't in that long as one was zero hours and the pay wasn't worth it so I left and the second one I left because I was going through a dark time in my life and I couldn't cope anymore. I've only ever been in one relationship and it lasted about six years but I ended it because my partner wasn't seeing me enough and I was miserable. We began as really close friends and it developed into a relationship but due to my Aspergers he couldn't handle me sometimes and this caused him to not want to see me which left me crying every week and it made me feel so worthless which I think is something I still carry with me today. I wish I was more normal and didn't have this disorder as my life would be a lot easier and I'd be happier. I don't know how to value myself more because I can't find one reason to. Everyone else in my generation of my family is either married and has kids and I don't think I'll ever have any of those things even though I want them. Animals are a big love of mine and they make me happy when in my presence but I need human connection too to be truly happy.

 

[GoneGoneGone]

Hi there GoneGoneGone,

Thank you for taking the time to reply. I'm 30 years old and have been a quiet and introverted person my whole life. I think it's due to my Aspergers. I've only had two paid jobs in my life and both of them I wasn't in that long as one was zero hours and the pay wasn't worth it so I left and the second one I left because I was going through a dark time in my life and I couldn't cope anymore. I've only ever been in one relationship and it lasted about six years but I ended it because my partner wasn't seeing me enough and I was miserable. We began as really close friends and it developed into a relationship but due to my Aspergers he couldn't handle me sometimes and this caused him to not want to see me which left me crying every week and it made me feel so worthless which I think is something I still carry with me today. I wish I was more normal and didn't have this disorder as my life would be a lot easier and I'd be happier. I don't know how to value myself more because I can't find one reason to. Everyone else in my generation of my family is either married and has kids and I don't think I'll ever have any of those things even though I want them. Animals are a big love of mine and they make me happy when in my presence but I need human connection too to be truly happy.

Hi Fml, of course!
Thank you for sharing more about your life. Is your family supportive, your extended family? I'm sorry that I'm awfully ignorant about Aspergers, I will do a thorough reading tonite. Are there any communities or activities focused exactly on this, where you could mingle and attend? Or is this something that bothers you? Sorry if I'm asking silly questions. Much love xx

 

[Fml]

Hi Fml, of course!
Thank you for sharing more about your life. Is your family supportive, your extended family? I'm sorry that I'm awfully ignorant about Aspergers, I will do a thorough reading tonite. Are there any communities or activities focused exactly on this, where you could mingle and attend? Or is this something that bothers you? Sorry if I'm asking silly questions. Much love xx

My immediate and extended family is a little bit supportive but they can misunderstand me a lot as they're neurotypical so I think it would be nice to have someone understand me better. Don't worry about it, I think most people don't know much about Aspergers. I really appreciate you taking the time to read up on it . I've not really looked into any communities near me that I could go to, I will have a look, thank you for the suggestion. You're not asking silly questions at all, it's nice to have someone take interest in what I'm saying lol. You seem like a really kind and helpful person, much love to you too xx

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

Curious as to what is so desirable about this guy that makes you want to have a relationship with him. Looks? Personality? Something special?

How do you think he'd treat you if you were in a relationship with him? How do you think you would feel about yourself if you were with him?